How can I persuade my parents to let me spend the weekend with my boyfriend?!..?

Question

I asked this earlier,
But people kept on answering it as if it was 'If I was your daughter, would you let me go?'

So,
I'm sixteen, and so is my boyfriend Paolo.
We've been together for a year now.
It's his birthday soon, and he's asked me to spend it in Italy with him for the weekend. I'd love to, but my parents aren't so keen on the idea.

I live in England, so Italy's only a short flight away. It's not exactly going to the other side of the world.
Paolo is Italian too (hence the name, like full on Italian.. not just has an Italian heritage) and he used to live in Naples, which is where we'd be going. He'll be staying with his grandparents- therefore, so will I.

Pao and I HAVE discussed sex before, and he said he's not going to force me to do anything I don't want to, likewise he doesn't want to rush into things as we're both young and still growing up and making decisions.

My parents have met Paolo several times, and are very fond of him.

How can I make them let me go?

.....

If you're going to say 'YOU CAN'T! DON'T GO! YOU'RE CHILDISH! YOUR PARENTS ARE RIGHT!',

At least explain your reasons for thinking so.

....

And I repeat again.
People are assuming all I want is sex.
Wrong.

When you're going 'In another country! Good god!' It's Italy.
I've been there several times, it's not far away, Pao and his family are Italian, it doesn't feel far away.

...

The fact it's another country isn't at all the minority.

And he lives in England, we didn't meet over the internet or anything. We go to the same College.

...

I'm also not 'in a rush' to get in bed with this guy.
I love him to pieces, he's very attractive, but I know i'm not ready for sex.
I don't want it.
Hey.
I never said I was.

...

Paolo's not a murderer.
He wants me to go over to his home country with his grandparents, to celebrate his birthday.
Me being his girlfriend.

Answer 1

It sounds like a lovely idea going to Italy to be with your boyfriend. However, I can understand your parents will not be quite so happy about it as you are. You are still young and although 16 is not a child you are still not quite an adult. To your parents you are still their little girl. My daughter is 16 and i am thinking what i would say to her, if she asked me the same thing. I would try and look for a compromise. I wouldn't be happy about letting her travel to Italy alone and stay with a family we have only known for a year. Maybe I would take my daughter and treat it as a holiday. Do you think your parents would agree to going over there with you? You all stay together in a hotel but you spend most of your time with your boyfriend? That way, you should all be happy! Your parents get a lovely breakaway in beautiful Italy and you and Paolo get some time together. If not, maybe he can come and stay over here with you.

Good luck honey x

Answer 2

The world is sometimes a beautiful place and sometimes it can be ugly. Being only sixteen, you want to be treated as an adult and, I must say, you write very well indeed.
That being said, I implore you to take heed to what your parents are saying. It's fortunate that they like Paolo. You have that going for the both of you. Now for the reality of this situation, Paolo is a young man with raging hormones, at 16 he can say all sorts of things but he IS a boy and boys have a hard time controlling that desire.
I understand that he wants you to see Italy, there are other reasons to get you there.......I don't have to explain that to you.
You're an intelligent young lass, please stay that way. In a couple of years, things could be very different.
I think you can read between the lines here and take what I'm trying to say to heart.
Good luck and I pray you make the right decisions.
Rick

Answer 3

Think about it - if Paolo really didn't want sex, would he ask you to go away for a weekend with him? Not only are you thinking of going to a foreign country where you don't have any protection against assault or murder as you would have at home with a person of the oposite sex, but you haven't even had time to grow up and experience life. If you were my daughter, I would forbid you from ever seeing this boy again, and I would contact not only the boy's parents and express my extreme displeasure at the potential deflowering of my child, but I might also call the authorities and report an attempted kidnapping (as a minor, at least here in the States, even if you go willingly it is kidnapping). Your life is at stake, not just your virginity.

If he truly felt strongly for you, he would suggest that your mother go along to chaparone. As a parent, that is the ONLY way I would not be calling the police!

Answer 4

just because you are 16 and been together for a year doesnt mean you are oh so grown up. Im 18 (hes 20) and been with my fiancee for over 4 years, and my parents are still skeptical about us getting a house together next month. You may feel grown up, but you still have a ways to go. I know i do and ive got atleast 2 years on you we all know whats going to happen while you are in italy and i know your arent ready for the consequences of that action and what if while you are in italy something happens, you guys fight, or break up or whatever, talk about an awkward weekend, far from an escape

Answer 5

The fact is it all comes down to simple respect. If you are living under your parents roof, expecting them to provide for you, then it come down to respect. If you have asked them permission and they have already said no, then respect that decision. They don't have to explain, they just have to answer. Many times as a child grows up to teen and to young adult, parents find themselves in positions of "impossibility". The impossible conflict between letting you grow up, and how fast, and the reality that they're primary job is to keep you safe. At the same time they have to realize that in a few very short years you may be on your own and not asking permission to do what can be dangerous things. So, bottom line, Respect your parents, remember when they say no, it's not out of spite, but because ultimately no one will ever love you more.

Answer 6

I am sorry you didn't like previous responses, but as a parent, letting you fly to another country with your boyfriend at such a young age is an irresponsibility. I don't care how much you've discussed sex with Paolo, and I don't care if you have vowed you will remain a virgin for the rest of your life, most parents won't believe that and will try to avoid any situation that could lead to their teenage daughter having sex, not to mention they are probably worried about your physical integrity...

I made a decision to take a trip to Europe at 27, and my mother told me she was not giving me permission to go... At my age, I took off anyways, and some time later, she said "I know you are old enough, and I know you are not stupid and you won't put yourself in needlessly dangerous situations, but I worry about you, I have to, I am your mother and it is my duty to do so". 3 years later I am pregnant, and everyday I understand her words a little better. Not meaning to rain on your parade, but they are just doing their job, being good parents and all...

Answer 7

Are his parents going to be there? If so, then why not have your parents talk to his parents and they can then decide whether or not they're comfortable with you going. If so, then they can set up some ground rules with Paolo's parents.

If his parents aren't going and it's just going to be the 2 of you, then your parents are right in not letting you go. At 16, I think that you still need some kind of adult there in case of emergency.

Also, do they let you spend the night at Paolo's place or let Paolo spend the night at your place? If not, then why would they let you spend the weekend in a different country with him?

Answer 8

Well OK .you are only sixteen and well the best thing that u are now doing is waiting, and well like we all know when you are lonely with you boyfriend things get out of control and things that we rent plan happen.you need to make this guy want you and that would be don't have sex.but OK if you are really not trying to get sum tell his grandparents is it OK if you sleep somewhere where they can keep an eye on you and then call your mom and have his grandparents verify that you are ne'er them. and that they wont let anything happen.or why don't you take someone with you like you sister/brother or cousin.

Answer 9

Why are you in such a rush to spend the night with this guy? Has this been a phone relationship all along. It sounds wierd and you need to be careful. Really take some time to think about safety issues. And what if things change when you get there? Is that a risk you're willing to take?

Answer 10

You can't "make" them let you go. I know you don't want to hear this but respect the decision you parents make. You parents are only interested in your best interests. He sounds like a nice guy but it would be hard for most parents to send their child off to another country (even if it's not far away) and wish for the best. Maybe you could talk your parents into going with you?