Depressed Army Wife? Cheer me up!?

Question

Ok. I know that being in the Army is almost impossible to get to plan things, stuff, etc... but my husband was suppossed to be deployed on Jan. 5th, 2008. He is on leave right now in Phoenix visiting his family I couldn't go because of my school. He just called me , telling me he was called and told that he is leaving on the 28th of this month, I know it is only 9 days apart from the old date, but I am in shocked...Today was the first time that I really cry because of this deployment, I was bad a couple of hours ago. I am a good Army wife, I understand his job, but I feel bad because I cried on the phone and he heard me, I promised him not to cry until the next day of his leave day; and I am mad..I feel I am nor prepared for this...and I know I was....I feel depressed , I feel i am failing him. I need to know what is going on? We got married in march, and this is his first deployment, he has 10 years in the service, and he is my hero, but why am I reacting like this to myself. Thanks.

Answer 1

You are human. Take it easy on yourself. It is okay to feel that way.

Answer 2

You are reacting to this because you LOVE him. There is nothing wrong with that. If you didn't cry, there might be a problem. I have a friend who hsa beenin the active service and the reserves. He deployed last year and is due back in Feb. 08. He has a wife an 2 daughters,but is commited to his duty and his family. I'm not saying it is easy, but you should be DAMN PROUD of him. Things will be OK and he will return and then you 2 can move on to live happily ever after. Remember, when you get thru this, you will be able to get thu anything. Hold your head high and be proud of your man and try and keep in contact as much as possible. There are alot of other people in your position ask them for support. I'm sure they will give it gladly as they were in your position also

Answer 3

The tears are support. They let him know you care. I mean if I was leaving and my husband looked at me and said "bye" with a big smile I would be hurt. Still tell him you love him and that you are proud of him. Tell him you understand and that it is ok. Let him know you are not mad, but the tears just say you care. Don't be mad at yourself. When my husband was deploying I cried. At random times. We would be sitting there on the couch and I would tear up. "What's wrong?" " I was just thinking of how much I am going to miss you." he just held me close. However, on the day he left when I dropped him off I smiled, cracked jokes, and kissed him like he was just going to work. It helped him get through the first couple days, because he felt he was just going to work. Oh and then when he got out of sight I started bawling so hard I crashed my car lol. I think showing no emotion and not being honest with your feelings and holding back is the only way you can fail him. It is a fine line between letting him know you are going to miss him, but making sure he knows you support him and it is OK that he HAS to go. Email me. My husband is leaving again and I really could use someone to talk to sometimes too.
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Answer 4

Oh, it's ok to cry and be upset... just like it's ok for him to feel the same way, although he may not show it.

Spend every moment together (when you can) before his deployment... so you'll both have something to 'hold on' to while you're apart. Why don't you start writing in a journal? Keep writing in until he gets back.... you'll be able to 'vent' your thoughts/frustrations on paper, and not to friends and family that will be your support group..

Kudos to you for being a great Army wife. Get one of the Blue Star Flags (like my avatar) and hang it on your front door.. tie a yellow ribbon around a tree in your yard...

You know that you 'can't' know what's going on, since everything is top secret. You are not failing him, you are proud of him. Write letters, send packages, and don't expect anything in return... then when that unexpected letter/phone call comes, your heart will smile.

Hugs to you~

Answer 5

I was in the military and now when my husband deploys I still cry. No need to beat yourself up or feel bad. It is a natural reaction.
You can always contact www.militaryonesource.com and get help 24/7.
It is hard to be separate even more so when you know they are off to a war zone. Plus you all have just started your life together and have to face this.
Don't worry you can make it and so can he. Write him letters and send package often.
Try to keep yourself busy...go to school, volunteer your time etc. and before you know it he will be back.
Good luck to both of you.

Answer 6

be thankful that this is his first and not his fourth like my husband. Your sad cause you hate the separation your going to have to deal with. But religion and faith is the only thing that keeps me together during the hard times of deployments. Stay positive and strong cause this is what helps him through his tour. Shower him with mail and it will help you and him get through this! Remind him as much as you can that you are waiting patiently for his return and that he has nothing to worry about because YOU will make sure everything is OK!

Answer 7

Hey - I know it sucks. I'm not an Army wife, but I've got an Army husband. My deployment date changed too, and I know it was hard as hell on him... I would react like you if it was my husband in.

It's okay to cry, though. If you're a bag of tears, though, that'll make him worry... so try to hold back, but it's ok to cry and lean on him if you need to. He will appreciate knowing you care so much.

You're not failing him! Just stay faithful to him while he's gone - you'd be surprised at how much that means to an Army man.

Take care, and good luck!

*Edit* Be careful with the Family Readiness Group... in my experience, the FRG is a gossiping bunch of you-know-whats. Don't tell them your business no matter what you do. It's ok to hang out with them, but don't use them for support - you should hear all the wild crap that they start.

Answer 8

Its going to be ok, it is completly normal to feel this way and you being depressed is not failing him by any means. I haven't gone through my first deployment with my boyfriend yet but will be soon. Mine is AF. Deployments are never easy whether it be the first one or the fifth, but you are not alone by any means on how you are feeling. Here is a group I belong too, it is for Airforce girlfriends but we have Army wives and girlfirends as well. I hope that you join and we can put a smile on your face. http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Airforcegals_supportgroup/

I hope this helps a little

Answer 9

You are reacting like this for many reasons. You may be worried about him. You may be scared. You may be missing him and worried about being without him. You may be imagining worst-case scenarios.

Regardless, you have every right to be upset. But rest assured that you have the support of a grateful nation, and that many other military families feel your pain. My father-in-law, brother-in-law and nephew have all served our country, so I kind of understand how you feel, although due to a car accident in high school, my husband has been unable to serve so I don't completely know what you are going through.

Try calling your base's military wives club - then you can talk to women who are experiencing the same thing, and many who have been through it before.

Good luck to you and your husband, and God Bless Our Troops!

Answer 10

first of all, its ok to cry. its normal to cry. and its BAD to hold it in. my first "dependant" deployment was 3 weeks after we got married. your reacting like this because hes going away, to a place that worries you, and this is ok.
while hes gone keep busy. stay in school keep up the grades, volunteer for local groups, go visit family, avoid things and events you know will get you in trouble with yourself or him.
also, trust me i get needing to know whats going on. you want to know when things need packed, when things need shipped etc. its normal. dont feel bad.

Answer 11

You should contact his unit. There are many support groups to help you through the process. There's even wives that get together while their husbands are gone and do things for the community and to help boost morale to his unit while he's over there. If you don't find help with his unit, contact family advocacy.