I returned to work today and maybe Im being over sensitive but I have been with the company for seven years and I thought we had a decent relationship. My office manager did'nt really say much to me this morning except oh you came back. I think thats kinda rude. Maybe Im sorry about your mother or something to that effect would have been more appropriette. She has'nt said anything else all day. Am I being a big baby or am I right about her being rude?
2007-12-03 07:35:24 · 19 answers · asked by shawnie 3 in Society & Culture ➔ Etiquette
I just wanted to add that Im not looking for a pity party. All I was saying is I think anyone who has a loved one die deserves a hug or aknowledgment. I put this question in Etiqutte for a reason. It's not only rude but bad manners. And by the way Maverick sorry you did not burst my bubble!
2007-12-03 11:27:02 · update #1
First off, my sincere condolences in the passing of your Mother. May your cherished memories help you through this trying time.
Sometimes people's comments (or lack thereof) come across as cold and/or uncaring, but there are people who have a really tough time knowing what it is they should say.
Sometimes they won't say anything because it makes them uncomfortable. I know I have felt this way in certain situations myself.
It doesn't always mean they don't care or have no sympathetic feelings about the situation you're going through.
Sometimes people aren't sure if the person would rather not have a fuss made about it because it could make them (the person who lost the loved-one) feel bad again.
You shouldn't dwell on what the manager has or has not said. Try to focus on yourself and getting back into your regular routine so you can start to heal and feel better.
Hang in there, things will get better as time passes.
2007-12-03 07:46:05 · answer #1 · answered by Nutz4Skwerls 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I think you feel sensitive, yes, but there is nothing wrong with that. I would expect sympathy from my boss too. At least "I'm sorry for your loss and it's good to have you back". Yes, that was rude of the office manager. I would also know in the future that you can't expect the office manager to show appropriate response to feelings that make her uncomfortable. That's about your office manager, not you. I am very sorry for the loss of your mother. Move past what your office manager said and if you need to feel sensitive, that's okay too. It's normal for you to feel sad and "raw" right now. Hopefully you have other coworkers who showed you more sympathy!
2007-12-03 07:54:10 · answer #2 · answered by amyaz_98 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
That comment was not necessary, regardless whether they felt 3 weeks was a long time. I think they don't know what to say to you right now. Just let it slide, if there is still some coldness in a week or so I'd ask them if you did something to offend them (I know you didn't, but it's a way of breaking the subject without being accusatory).
Sorry for your loss.
2007-12-03 07:45:59 · answer #3 · answered by tetlitea 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Well, maybe she is just one of the kind of people who don't know what to say in situations like that. I'm one of those people. My 3 year old nephew was just diagnosed with juvenile diabetes, and I couldn't think of a single thing to say to my brother and sister in law. I feel terrible about it, but can't say anything. Maybe she is the same way? I sure would hope she's not just careless and a mean person.
2007-12-03 07:42:09 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I don't think you are being a baby, you went thru it and if those are your feelings you have probably hit the nail on the head. Maybe she got annoyed by the time you took off or something happened while you were out. Really, there is nothing you can do but wait and maybe something with come out later. Trust your feelings, that's my point.
2007-12-03 07:42:45 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Maybe your manager is uncomfortable and doesnt know what to say.
Do you have an HR department? If the attitude continues you could speak to whomever is in charge of HR.
I would expect more from someone in a management position, considering people skills are supposed to be part of the skill set for the job.
2007-12-03 07:40:52 · answer #6 · answered by rushmore223 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry about your mother, and about your manager being rude. I can't believe you got three weeks off though, most people I've seen are lucky to get 2 days off for a wake and funeral. Maybe that's why she was so insensitive.
2007-12-03 07:45:22 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
She is rude but some people feel self conscious around people who have lost someone. They just don't know what to do or say. I'm so sorry about your mom and NO you are not being a big baby. God Bless.
2007-12-03 07:39:40 · answer #8 · answered by roxy 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Some folks just really don't know HOW to address people that have suffered this kind of a loss. I have a problem with it myself. I find myself avoiding the person for a while, if I can, which is NOT nice, but I just don't know what to say or do. This may be the best this person knows about handling it. Don't hold it agains her. She may eventualy say something -- or maybe not. You have enough to deal with now, don't take on anything else unnecessarily.
Oh, and very sorry for your loss.
2007-12-03 07:39:36 · answer #9 · answered by Yahzmin ♥♥ 4ever 7 · 6⤊ 2⤋
First, my condolences to you about your mother. Second, your boss is most likely upset because you did take 3 weeks for bereavement. In most places that is job abandonment. Did you tell them you needed that much time? If not, most people take a few days to a week at most for bereavement. You boss has the right to be upset but, just let it pass and do your work as best you can. You'll be all right.
2007-12-03 07:41:39 · answer #10 · answered by Mr. Len 5 · 2⤊ 1⤋