I know I give silly answers [a lot] but in all seriousness, I have a real family issue here, and would genuinely like your honest and serious responses. :)
My mom found out [from me] that my sister is cheating on her husband. My Mom got angry [at me] that I told her... and so now she has completely shunned me by "cancelling" all family get togethers "until next year". I do NOT care about that part at all .... And my sister and I are FINE - we get along wonderfully....
But HERE is the problem: My Mom has now asked if she & my Dad can come and stay at my home for 2 days this month [I have 2 small children & they live 6 hrs. away - do not see them often]....
It will be VERY VERY uncomfortable ..... : (
Ugh ..... I dread that visit...
Any advice ....???
Thanks!
2007-12-03 07:13:36 · 26 answers · asked by Anonymous in Society & Culture ➔ Religion & Spirituality
I do NOT want her [my Mom] in my house since she has repeatedly mistreated me in the past - we just do NOT get along... :(
Do I say "yes" and be the bigger person, or just ignore her emails .... ??
Or is that too mean ...?
2007-12-03 07:15:36 · update #1
No husband! I am a single mom... :)
2007-12-03 07:24:29 · update #2
Teresa: BRAVO !!!!!!! :)
2007-12-03 07:26:37 · update #3
What I did not have room to write is when I needed to leave my cruel ex-husband, my ENTIRE family not only disowned me, BUT they took my ex's side! My Mom has a long... history of mistreating me and that is just ONE example. Re: my sister: her 10 yr. old daughter is caught up in the middle of her extra-marrital affair... so THAT is why I "told" my Mom - so she could "watch over" my neice....
2007-12-03 08:26:35 · update #4
Your mother is angry at YOU because she'd rather live in denial? If your sister is cheating, the end of her marriage may be near and your mother should know that much about her daughter.
"Mom, I'm surprised you want to come out here considering you didn't seem to want to get together this year."
I believe that it is important for children to have grandparents in their lives, but not if they undermine the parents. Sounds like your mother needs to take a step back and reassess where to direct her anger before you confirm any plans.
2007-12-03 07:20:35 · answer #1 · answered by Teresa 5 · 6⤊ 2⤋
Let her come for two or three days if your husband agrees. But make it very clear that in your house, you are the boss and she may not disagree. In addition she will need to bring several hundred dollars for present for the children and there will be others at the house celebrating Christmas. She will be expected to do her part in the festivities whether she feels like it or not.
Parents must be respected. It is a Biblical Commandment.
But if you and your family live separately then your home becomes your castle, and your rules must be obeyed. This is not open to your mother for discussion.
I Cr 13;8a
2007-12-03 20:44:10 · answer #2 · answered by ? 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
What does your husband want to do? After all, if you agree to let her stay there and you & your mom end up arguing, you're putting the poor man in the middle. You know, he IS your partner, so you should ask him for his input. If he's ok with it, then you should probably be the "bigger person" and say ok to your mom. But whatever you do, if he says no, then DON'T make him out to be the bad guy by saying your hubby won't let her come over -- just tell your mom no and don't go into how you arrived at that decision.
EDIT: Ok, so you're unmarried. It sounds to me like you and your mom are overdue for an honest heart-to-heart talk. I'd invite her over and make sure it happened.
2007-12-03 07:23:46 · answer #3 · answered by Suzanne: YPA 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Would you be cheating your children out of a chance to see their grandparents? And how does your dad feel about all this? It sounds like your mom is trying to have it both ways. I'd probably say they could come, but that we are celebrating the holidays and we're not changing any plans for them. The tree will be up, etc. If your parents can cope with that, fine. If they can't, then you've done all you could.
Edit--I just read your additional details. If your mom has mistreated you, they would do better in a motel. Your children don't need to see that. But you could still talk to your mother about your relationship. Whatever you decided, all the best to you in this tough situation.
2007-12-03 07:23:24 · answer #4 · answered by ? 6 · 4⤊ 1⤋
Frankly, mom needs to be told no.
You are an adult and you deserve to shield your children from abuse...and seeing their mother treated like crap is abuse.
"I'm sorry, we have plans this month already and I can't change what the kids are expecting right now."
If your mother will not treat you like an adult, and will not act like an adult, she does not get the adult priviledges.
This is something I had to do with my own mom a few years back and our relationship is stronger for it. It is YOUR HOUSE, and YOUR FAMILY. She lives 6 hours away and therefore has no responsibility for the day to day activities of your household, so letting her come in and disrupt your lives with drama is inappropriate...
Also, you can tell her flat out that after her cancelling the get togethers you feel that this is far too short of notice and manipulative on her part...which it is. You're being manipulated fiercely, and it's a crying shame when adults do that to adults.
Your mom may be your blood, but right now she's choosing to opt out of the responsibilities of being a grandmother by her actions. She may resume the role when she grows up.
2007-12-03 07:29:14 · answer #5 · answered by LabGrrl 7 · 3⤊ 1⤋
Well girl If you dont want her there then tell her she cannot come.
If you will be too uncomfortable in your own home there is no sense in having her come and then everyone, including your kids, be depressed and bummed cuz of the feelings in the air.
Stinks but you have to do whats right by you and your kiddos. She cant think she can insult you and treat your poorly then have you be opened arm to whatever she wants.
2007-12-03 18:06:06 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
At least mothers really exist, unlike all the gods people base holidays on. Considering our mothers went through nine months of pregnancy, hours of excruciating labor and 18 or so years of raising us the least they deserve is a card and flowers or some other token of appreciation.
2016-05-28 00:36:37 · answer #7 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you want to see her and wouldn't mind seeing them then you need to respond to her and let her know how you feel. Or you could just do like you have your whole life and avoid the issue?? Just a guess.
Listen, it is never easy to stand up and make yourself and your feelings known, but if you have children and are married, at what age will you? With that said, wasn't she the one who shunned everyone? I believe you two need to have a heart to heart. I would not blame you if you don't like her response and tell her they can stay at a hotel, but I think you need to try.
Yoda out
2007-12-03 07:20:51 · answer #8 · answered by Yoda 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
If you dont want her there then tell her she cannot come.
If you will be too uncomfortable in your own home there is no sense in having her come and then everyone, including your kids, be depressed and bummed cuz of the feelings in the air.
Stinks but you have to do whats right by you and your kiddos. She cant think she can insult you and treat your poorly then have you be opened arm to whatever she wants.
2007-12-03 07:51:26 · answer #9 · answered by ChaosNJoy 3 · 3⤊ 1⤋
Tell your Mom to come on down, but make a reservation at the nearest hotel and pay for it. That way you can still have them near but not in the same house. Tell them you wanted to make sure her sleep would not be bothered by the children.
2007-12-03 07:17:02 · answer #10 · answered by chrome_rider 4 · 2⤊ 1⤋