My son is 3 mos & been cooing & starting to babble. My mother in law has taken it upon herself to utilize the time that she spends with him to repeatedly sing " I love you" to him. After an hour with him, she said, he said " I love you" to her. I know that he never said that to her, but she proclaimed to everyone that he did. I did not reply to her comment but my face should have been enough to know that she was overstepping her boundaries here. She now spends every moment with him saying these words over and over. I am a first time mother who is dreading going back to work because she wants to take over. she has done this with her granddaughter who is jealous when she holds my baby, but is not jealous when her own mother holds my baby. I do not want my child growing up wanting her over me, as I know this is her goal. She has taken a precious moment away from me by saying my son told her "I love you" first. I feel she will do this with his true firsts. Am I wrong in feeling this way?
2007-12-03 06:19:21 · 25 answers · asked by heatherly4287 2 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Toddler & Preschooler
You can try to "outdo" her, or you can try talking about it.
She probably misses raising children and knows she might never get the chance to do it again, so she can be posessive. There are recorded incidents where grandmothers actually stole the child.
Good luck xoxoxo :)
2007-12-03 06:37:41 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is pretty obvious your Mother in law has some serious mental issues. It also sounds like your son was probably a Momma's boy. That's how my husband was, and still is to some extent. If there is any way that you can distance yourself from her throughout the week until you can go back to work that would be the best. I'm not saying keeping her from seeing the baby, I'm just saying keeping it down to once or twice a week until you go back to work and then once every other weekend or so. When you go back to work it is best if you can get a babysitter, or a day care to take care of your baby. If not you could end up with a "over protective overstimulating" Mother in law wearing your baby out. I know this could sound absurd to some, but believe me, it happens.
Or if there is any way of setting ground rules if there is no other choice and she has to be the one to watch the baby when you go back to work. Set strict rules as to what she can and can't do with the baby in detail.
If you would like to discuss this in more detail feel free to contact me. I have gone through it. But definitely set boundaries, and don't let her cross them, or you will regret it, and it will cause problems not only for you and her, but for you and your husband.
2007-12-03 10:31:53 · answer #2 · answered by memacabr 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow, I thought that I was the only one stuck with this sort of mother in law. First, she's delusional - there's no way a 3 month old can verbalize "I love you" so she's being silly. I am sure everyone else realizes that she's delusional also and are too polite to say it to her face. She didn't "take" one of those firsts away from you because your special first will be when your son turns to you and says "I love you, Mommy".
You are not wrong in being annoyed by this. I am annoyed by her behavior and I don't even know her. My niece obviously prefers my mother in law over her own mother and I really don't want my future child to be the same way. Just make sure that you set your boundaries and be firm with her from the start.
2007-12-03 06:28:45 · answer #3 · answered by Susan G 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think your over reacting. At 3 months do you really think anyone is going to believe that your son spoke those words to her yet? Also, your real issue is you going back to work and leaving the baby. I would tell your wonder full husband to start looking for a 2nd job so you can stay home and raise your child yourself. If your mother in law has to baby sit while you work try and look at it this way not she is not all bad you can at least trust her in your home and with your child more then I can say for mine. In addition not everyone is fortunate enough to be able to have children and be able to work and leave them with a family member.
2007-12-05 00:59:18 · answer #4 · answered by Kat G 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, you are not wrong in feeling this way. Some people, like your future mother in law, are very insecure and immature. They often will desperately take every opportunity to out-do others, especially those with whom they are competing with for their son's love and attention. I am guessing that one of the biggest challenges she has is in recognizing other people's boundaries. You seem clear on your boundaries however, and this will most likely prevent any inordinate attachment between your son and your m.i.l.
Her behavior is atrocious and destructive. While it helps to understand that her insecurities are the root of the problem, it does not mean that you have to accept it. Your son will always look up to you and will internalize your self-confidence and boundary skills. I have lived through this myself and my sons and I survived it well. Best of luck to you!
2007-12-03 06:41:31 · answer #5 · answered by clayinspiration 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think you're in the wrong to be feeling this way. But I also don't think you're doing yourself any favors by holding it against her.
For one, I don't believe for a minute that a 3-month old actually repeated a three-syllable sound, so it's fairly apparent that she's either lying, or living in a fantasy world. For another, having your child learn to say, "I love you" is a wonderful thing, and the more people he has in his life who say that to him, and to whom he can repeat it, the better off he will be.
My best advice would be to encourage you to say "I love you" to your son, along with all of the other things that I'm sure you're saying to him. And then focus on being there for the first words he does speak, regardless of what they are, along with knowing that your son has lots of loved ones in his life.
Chances are that you'll outlive your MIL...Allowing her to hear her grandson tell her that he loves her is one of the cheapest and most rewarding gifts that you can give to both of them. You'll have many more chances to hear this message from your son than she will...try to remember that life is short, and love is the best part of it. When you hear your son tell your MIL that he loves her, know in your heart that you have given him the gift of a good relationship with his grandmother, and you have given her the gift of an intelligent and loving grandson. If you can let that be your reward, you'll all be better off.
2007-12-03 06:35:19 · answer #6 · answered by abfabmom1 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Remind her she is the GRANDparent and you are the PARENT.
That su x. She is an attention seeker, which commonly comes with having NO life!! Even if he did say something it would be hard to understand and of course he doesnt know what it means yet.
I would get and independent baby sitter when you go back to work. You dont need to be worrying about her all the tie. Maybe get her to look after him one day and someone else for the other days?
2007-12-03 06:28:21 · answer #7 · answered by emo 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think your wrong to feel that way. I honestly felt that way about my mother in law too. I felt like she was always judging me and always watching me and the thing I learned is she is just trying to be nice and more than likely feels the way I feel and she is trying to impress me. I found as soon as I started letting those feelings go the better off our relationship became and don't get me wrong it still has a long way to go but just sit back and let it happen.
2007-12-03 06:26:04 · answer #8 · answered by niknac 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Girl , I feel your pain! Im going through the same problem. I just layed down the law, which I got ALOT of backlash from ( be prepared). And I limited the number of days that her Grandma got to be with her, 2 days a week, the rest in daycare. Listen, if you dont start now, its only gonna get worse. Set your own limits with her and stick with them, even if its uncomfortable. That baby is yours not her, and she needs to know that! Good Luck!!!
2007-12-03 06:26:15 · answer #9 · answered by Crystal84 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No you arent wrong at all. These are feelings that she has already experienced with all of her own children and you arent in the wrong to want your firsts with your child. Keep in mind she also has a special bond with your son as he is her grandson, at the same time I understand your feelings. My mother went back to work and my grandmother was the other woman in our lives and after awhile my mom put us in day care so we could be seperate from our grandmother. To this day my sister and I struggle to be my grandmother's favorite. we are 28 and 23... trust me your worries are sound
2007-12-03 06:27:55 · answer #10 · answered by Libby 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋