would you let the groom invite his ex to be a bridesmaid.?

Question

feel free to asnwer away......

Answer 1

It depends... if you are friends with her and the three of you have a good relationship as friends I dont see why not. If it makes you uncomfortable... no... not at all. The bridesmaids are your decision anyway and since they will be helping YOU plan the wedding... if you are not friends dont ask her. On top of that... if you hate the girl... dont even invite her to the wedding... Happy Holidays and good luck.

Answer 2

NO! He wouldn't even consider having one of my ex's as a grooms man. Besides, he has no say in who is a bridesmaid. Would a woman really marry a groom that is so selfcentered that he would choose a past relationship to be present not only at but IN the wedding and NOT consider the feelings of the bride? That is low-and sorry, if my man asked me to do something like that he might as well start looking for a different bride bc it takes a very self centered, person to even fathom that idea let alone actually go through with it!

Answer 3

Long response, but...

I can understand why you would be frustrated since there are times where you will be hanging out with your bridesmaids alone, like a bachelorette party or day of prep and maybe you don't feel comfortable with her. If that's the case, maybe you should talk to your fiancee - tell him you know she's important to him but maybe you can compromise by giving her another role at the wedding, like being a host (having people sign the guest book), or do a reading during the ceremony. Or, if any other bridesmaids are his friends or family, you could have some girls on his side with the guys, and your girls on your side. I've seen cute pictures where the "groomswomen" wear the same dress as the bridesmaids, but in a color matching the suit.

My husband and I butted heads about the wedding party from the day we got engaged. His view was that the groom picks the groomsmen and the bride picks the bridesmaids, and neither has a say in the other. I thought you picked together. I have a couple close male relatives I wanted in the party, and didn't like a couple guys he picked. Funny thing (after months of discussion) is that what it came down to was that my husband didn't want my relatives at the bachelor party since he didn't know them well, and turns out my relatives didn't want to go anyhow! My concern was that it would look silly in pictures with 8 groomsmen and 4 bridesmaids, but I'd rather have all of them than leave out my relatives. Our photographer ended up mixing us up with some girls and some guys on each side, and the pictures look totally balanced and really cute. I had a co-ed bachelorette party and invited my guy friends, which worked great.

So there are a lot of solutions other than just saying "no". Your fiancee chose to marry you, but he also wants to be surrounded by people important in his life! My husband wasn't involved in every aspect of the wedding planning, so when he felt strongly about something I knew it was important to him. A lot of times brides seem to look at it as though they have total control over everything... and that's when you go crazy because you can't!! You have to consider that this wedding is probably one of the most important days of his life too. Problems that develop during the wedding planning will continue after the wedding, so you're best off trying to talk and compromise about it now. And, if there's any issues as to his friendship with this girl you definitely need to address those now, because chances are they will continue to be friends after you are married. Good luck!!

Answer 4

I totally agree with Susan F. It's completely possible for people to be great friends but not work out well dating...and then go back to being great friends. My fiance and his ex girlfriend are still good friends, and she and I get along very well. While she's not a member of the wedding party (we're not having attendants) she and her current partner are definitely welcome at the wedding. We'll be glad to have them there.

This whole situation depends on the dynamics of each of the relationships involved. As long as the ex is a friend to you both, I see nothing at all wrong with having her as a bridesmaid. However, if there is tension between the two of you and you are uncomfortable with her, it would be best to only have her as a wedding guest and not as a member of the wedding party. You don't want tension between the bride and a bridesmaid - too much unnecessary stress.

Answer 5

Probably a case by case scenario. I really dont know how to answer unless I was in the situation. I can say this, this girl I was very interested in told me (while we were on a date) about her past relationship with her ex husband & how they are not bitter toward each other & that they still have a great relationship. As she was telling me I was realizing a few things, one I think her point in bringing it up was to show that shes not some bitter divorced hag but rather she is mature & handled the whole thing in a healthy way & I knew if things went further between us that she was not the type of person to play games, in other words, if she decided to be with me she would have ONLY been with me & there wouldve been no reason to have any doubts or concerns about the friendly relationship with the ex...also it wasnt like they hung out or something, I wouldve drawn the line there I think. But actually as Im writing this, even though I trusted her, I know how men are (very sexually driven) so maybe I would not have been ok with it, it sounds foolish & insecure to say because I wouldve trusted her but maybe him being at a wedding wouldnt have fealt right...kind of like the movie meet the parents if you remember that. So I think your normal to have those feelings, plus bridesmaid is kind of high up the food chain isnt it? Sorry for the book, hope it helped. Peace.

Answer 6

Well, first thing's first, the groom wouldn't be inviting anyone to be one of my bridesmaids. The ladies who make the list are up to the bride. He would be chosing his groomsmen.

Now, if he'd "suggested" one of his exes to be a bridesmaid, I'd probably laugh at him. First of all, not only is that just a very uncomfortable situation to be in, but I don't think any exes of the groom should be involved in the planning (invited, maybe).

My boyfriend still talks to only one of his exes and she isn't even really an "ex". She's a very good friend that he once had a "fling" with. Needless to say, I don't like her at all.

To sum it up, the groom wouldn't be inviting anyone to be a bridesmaid without consulting me first.

Answer 7

In all fairness he picks his groomsmen and you pick your bridesmaids thats how it has been forever and in my opinion thats how it should stay. Since part of a bridesmaids job is to make desisions on your behalf make sure its someone you know and love and if you are friends with his ex then so be it but that should be your choice if you don't like it just tell your man it makes you uncomfortable and you believe that your wedding day should be the most comfortable and best day of your life!

Answer 8

I think you two need to sit down and talk this one out. Regardless on how long ago your FH's and BM's relationship was it seems a little odd that you'd have her in the wedding and yes I understand that she is your friend but you had to of known it would be awkward for everyone. Especially if you knew how their reltionship ended. Personally this isn't just a matter you can suck it up on (as other hav pointed out) Real life doens't just work that way everyone, especially since we aren't robots, we're human beings with feelings and emotions. Talk this one out my dear and let eachother know where you both stand. I understand that you just can't imagine getting married without here there but try harder to imagine getting married with no groom. He should come before anyone else in your life likewise you should come before anyone in his life. Best of luck to you both!!

Answer 9

it isn't the groom's place to ask anyone to be a bride's attendant - that is the bride's choice just as it is the groom's choice to choose his attendants.
doesn't matter whether it's an ex, or a sister, or a cousin, he does not have the right to impose his choice of bridesmaids or maid of honor, flowergirls, junior bridesmaids, on you.
and no i would not want an ex-anything in my wedding party. the only reason i can see someone doing that is to prove something to someone.
to my mind this is a man who wants to control you and is showing you right now how your life is going to be. i would seriously question whether i would want to spend my life with someone like that. for me it would be a clear choice, give him back the ring and move one.
thats just my opinion and i could very well be wrong - i hope so for your sake.
take care of yourself.

Answer 10

Absolutely not! That is a big no no. He has some nerve even thinking about inviting his ex to be a bridesmaid. Put your foot down and nix that idea otherwise, she will be around all the time, like parties, church, gatherings...If he resists, throw your engagement ring in his face and tell him the wedding is off..and mean it.

Answer 11

The bride has the final say in who the bridesmaids are. The groom has no business inviting *anyone* to be a bridemaid. He gets to choose the groomsmen.

oh, and to answer your question : NO WAY!