Nonjudgmental Catholics only, sorry this is long?

Question

I was baptized Catholic, had my first communion, and confession, but in my early teens my parents split up, I went with my dad who was not catholic and I didn’t finish my sacraments. I’m 32 and have lived a horrible life. A non Catholic life, I did start going to church, but continued my sinful life, Religion wasn’t talked about much at my household and both parents worked full time jobs so it was up to my older siblings to raise me, who though it was ok to give me mary J when I was 9, all I saw was drugs and sx, that’s really all I knew, my parents weren’t around. I was married and divorced twice, never in the church though, I’ve had kids out of wedlock and I have been living in sin for …I don’t know if you include the other husbands. About… 16 years now. I’ve been too ashamed to go in to the office, my kids need their sacraments and so do I.

Mainly because of what I’ve seen on this sight, I’m terrified to go in there and get this done, my heart is pounding just thinking about it and my anxiety overwhelms me. I am on anxiety meds, I have a big problem with it.) I’m so scared that it paralyzes me…to top it off I read this

"The act of contrition must include all of the mortal sins. One may never keep even one pet sin. Thus, if a person living in adultery is very sorry for his sins of eating meat on Fridays, but will not give up his sinful life of adultery, he cannot get rid of even one sin. One either leaves all of his sins behind, or he keeps all of them for God's just judgment at the moment of death. Unlike teeth, which when left alone, will pass away, sins, however, when left alone will never pass away."

I have been to confession so many times and none of them counted. Give me encouragement to forge ahead. I have to get this done and I’m so scared. I don’t get it I can go to church every Sunday, yet I can’t walk in the office. Why am I afraid of their judgments’ when my own judgment is in such peril?

Everyone else, please don’t blame the Catholic church for this. I did these deeds myself, so please don’t blame the Catholics.

Answer 1

I'm a lifelong Catholic. I've lived a less than holy life. I've done jail time, and I spent most of my youth in a great deal of trouble. Like you, my parents were out of the scene pretty early on (in my case, they died), and even when they were there, they were very abusive. The good news is that the church doors are still open, regardless of what mistakes people have made. Christ came to forgive sinners, and that includes all of us. It doesn't mean just the people who committed little tiny sins. It includes total screwups like myself.

There's a Catholic saint, and he's my patron. St. Camillus. He was a big guy, about 6'6" in height, and could throw his weight around. He could beat up whoever he wanted to. He was also a gambling addict. One day, he literally lost his shirt while gambling. He lost everything he had. Also, he had a war wound that wouldn't heal. People around him might've laughed and said that he got what was coming to him. He was cut down to size at last. But God wasn't laughing. Instead, he waited until Camillus was ready to open himself up to something bigger and better. And then Camillus joined a religious order and ended up doing hospital work in the name of God. He opened and operated hospitals. He devoted the rest of his life to healing, and was eventually made a saint.

The story of St. Camillus taught me that God can use anybody. He can even use a seemingly hopeless case like me.

I know it can seem scary to reconcile with the Church, or even to make a small confession, but I've done it. You can do this. The priests aren't there to judge you; they're there to help you on your journey. One of their jobs is to help you reconcile with God.

So you've made mistakes. So what? Name one person who hasn't. The important thing is that you realize that you want to improve your life. There are many different steps toward doing that, both religious and secular (my secular step was to go to college, where I'm still at). Please don't be afraid to go to church, or to talk to a priest. Absolutely nobody there is any holier than you are. As Scripture says, we have all sinned and come short of the glory of God. This means everybody, including priests, nuns, and deacons. Realize that we're all the same, all humans struggling with the human condition. It might make going to church less daunting to realize that the people there are every bit as human as you are, and are there to offer their help.

Peace be with you.

Answer 2

Take comfort, friend, because the Church is always there for you!

You had a rough life, but now you want to straighten things out. It might take a little time, but you can do it and the Church is there to help you.

The first thing you need to do is to call a Catholic Church -- any one that is close by will do. A secretary will probably answer, and then you can tell her (sometimes him) that you've been away from the Church since your parents divorced, and you really want to come back, but you are full of anxiety. Ask the secretary to recommend the kindest and most gentle-minded priest in town to you who will help you with compassion and not judgment.

When you have the name and phone number of the priest (or maybe you'll get lucky and it will be a priest at that very parish), talk to him by phone first, to make you more comfortable. Explain that you've just realized that you haven't made a good confession even though you intended to. Definitely tell him that you have kids who need their sacraments. Tell him that you have two marriages that you need to have annulled -- that will be no problem because you married outside the Church, so it will be "lack of canonical form," so it's pretty much a slam dunk. Tell him you have a relationship with a man now that you want made right.

I know you are fearful, but trust me -- a good priest will help you address all these issues one by one. You will be amazed at how quickly some of them can happen -- the good confession and the kids' baptisms, for example.

This is what the Church is all about -- helping people "undo" the negative things they've done. Go in peace and go in confidence, my dear sister in Christ. Christ loves you, the Church is waiting for you with open arms, and Mary and all the saints will pray you to peace.

I just said a prayer to St. Dymphna to pray that God will relieve your anxiety, and to Saint Mary that she will pray for you with a mother's heart and help you find the strength to go receive absolution from Her Son.

May God bless you!

Answer 3

A priest will never judge you, and if he does then you should leave his presence immediately.

The sacraments, in my mind, help you along your spiritual path, but aren't necessarily essential to attaining salvation.

However, they obviously are very important to you. The only sacrament you are missing is confirmation, and I'm not sure if you need to attend RCIA classes for that. If your children are over the ages of about 12 they'll likely need RCIA classes for their sacraments as well, so if you went together as a family it would serve several purposes, all of them good.

If you know someone in your local parish, perhaps you could speak with them and ask them to act as a mentor in the beginning. As Jesus said, be not afraid, I go before you always.

Answer 4

Anyone reading this should be able to see that this is a clasic example of how the catholic church uses guilt to bring people back to the church. The only way to true forgivness is through Christ. He is the only one qualified to forgive you of your sins, NOT a sinful priest. You have been through so much but its nothing that Jesus isn't already aware of. Go to Him in prayer and thank Him that you are already forgiven. Please, don't fall into the dogma of the catholic church any longer. You will only remain in the same bondage that you have been feeling for a life time. Going to Christ shouldn't cause you any anxiety, just relief. Please look up a bible based church. Remember, above all else, God loves you no matter your sin. He knew you before you were born and was aware of every sin you would ever commit. Knowing all of it He decided you were worth creating anyway. Take comfort in that and begin your walk with Christ, free of a religion that would cause you to feel such guilt, shame, and anxiety.

Answer 5

"My heart overflows with great mercy for souls, and especially for poor sinners... It is for them that the Blood and water flowed from My Herart as a fount overflowing with mercy. For them I dwell in the tabernacle as King of Mercy.... The greater the sinner the greater the right he has to My mercy.... Let no soul fear to draw near to Me even though its sins may be as scarlet. My mercy is greater than your sins and those of the entire world. I let My Sacred Heart be pierced with a lance, thus opening wide the source of mercy for you. Come then with trust to draw graces from this fountain..... Souls that make an appeal to My mercy delight Me. To such souls I grant even more graces than they ask. I cannot punish even the greatest sinner if he makes an appeal to My compassion. Beg for mercy for the whole world. No soul that has called upon My mercy has ever been disappoiinted."

When you go to confession, to this fountain of mercy, the Blood and Water which came fourth from My Heart always flows down upon your soul. In the Tribunal of Mercy the greatest miracles take place and are incessantly repeated. Here the misery of the soul meets the God of mercy.
Come with faith to the feet of My representative. I Myself am waiting there for you. I am only hidden by the pirest... I Myself act in your soul. make your confession before Me. The person of the priest is, for Me, only a screen. Never analyze what sort of person it is that I am making use of; open your soul as you would to Me, and I will fill it with My light.
Were a soul like a decaying corpse, so that from a human standpoint, there would be no hope of restoration and everything would allready be lost, it is not so with God. The miracle of Divine Mercy restores the soul in full. Oh, how miserable are those who do not take advantage of the miracle of God´s mercy!"

-- Divine Mercy.

My advice to you is to go to confession, and then to communion like the purest of the saints!