What should I tell my Mother-in-Law?

Question

My husbands mom is nice to me and I get along with her and my husband and I have been married for 12 yrs now so I have never had no problems with her but I know she likes to be in charge of eveyone in the family in some way You don't really like to get her mad. But any way My question is that Now that we have a Baby well she is 19 mos old when my daughter is acting up or gets undone she takes her from me like I can't do anything and puts her in the playpen to cry it out in there and tells me not to go in there she will keep it up. She will quit sometimes but not all the time, and to me it feels like I don't have alot of control of her when I'm there. She don't do that to my sister-in-laws kids when they are there and thats her other daughter-in-law too. and they have 5 kids and I have one how can I tell her nicely that I can take care of the problem with out hurting her feelings. My husband is her first child too so I don't know if thats any reason why she does things. Thanks

Answer 1

tell her you value her advice and input with rearing your baby, but you and your hubby are the ones to determine how to raise your baby/handle situations....and since she raised her kids she needs to let you and your hubby raise yours...don't get into a fight, stay calm and cool even if she creats a little drama...if she sees the two of you are sticking to your guns she'll eventually stop...or only back side occasionally.
So the next time politely tell her that is not how you and your hubby have agrees to handle the situation...then take your baby back physically if need be...in the senario you outlined your response should have been,"I'm sorry,we do value your experience and input but this is not how we handle .....your daughter's name.... when she does this"....then go handle it as you choose to in front of her...just because grandma says leave her to cry it out, you are the Mother, it's your child and you make that point quite clear.. if her feelings gethurt, it won't last, and it's a small price to pay.
....and I betcha the only reason she doesn't do it to her other daughter-in-laws is because those ladies have already pu their foot down on it...ask them while grandma isn't around....maybe they can clue you in on how they did it...Good Luck!

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well, somebody has given everyone a thumbs down here, must because the responses reccomend the respect of parental rights....must be a disgruntled MIL who was told what was what lol.....so I gave y'all a thumbs up!

Answer 2

In any dispute between in laws, the spouse whose family of origin is causing the trouble should always deal with the issue EXCEPT in these cases, I think it's totally okay for either (or hopefully both) to say something to the in laws. It's okay to be mama bear and stand up to anyone, in law or not, if they are getting in the way of your parenting and/or causing harm to your kids.
What I would do is to talk to your husband privately about this. Get on the same page, have a game plan for what you are going to do if/when this situation arises again. Then, when your mother in law starts dictating how you should take care of your baby, the both of you can step in and politely but firmly say 'no'. If the both of you are on the same page with this, she will have nothing to do but to back down. If she gets upset, well, then, I guess she gets upset. Unfortunately bossy people often get upset when we enforce our boundaries, but it's a small price to pay for being able to have control over our own lives and raise our kids the way we want to!
Good luck!

Answer 3

Uh oh! Mothers in law..gotta love em! :-) I would just sit her down and talk to her! Say that you love her being around, but your discipline styles are a little different. Say you dont feel comfortable putting her in the playpen to cry, but could she figure out with you another way that could work? Make her feel like the all knowing parent of the year and come to an understanding of how to handle the situation together. She will feel like it is more of you asking for her help not trying to tell her what to do. Ask her what she did for her children that worked. It is a nicer way to handle this situation and no one gets upset about it! Good luck!!

Answer 4

Get it together girl....first of all your husband needs to have your back. Second you need to put your foot down. Next time she scolds you kid you need to calmly let here know who the child's mother is and that you can handle the situation.

Shame on your husband for letting this go one too.......maybe he needs to sit in the play pen. You and your husband need to be a united front when it comes to your mother in laws control issues. She probably doesn't do it to the other daughter in-law because she let her know the deal.

Be strong......and tell your husband to grow a set!

Answer 5

Well, its your husbands mother, so you need to make him be the bad guy and tell his mother to butt out, that you and him know how to raise your own child. if you dont , she will keep running over you. Ive had this happen to me before by my MIL. They take things alot better coming from there own children verses a daughter in law. Good luck!

Answer 6

Why do you care about hurting her feelings, when she doesnt care about hurting yours? She doesnt take control of the other kids, b/c you LET her control yours. It is mean to let your baby cry it out like that if it is not what she is used to at home. Tell her next time, "I have it under control thanks." And if she has a problem with it, tell her to go home and you will call her when you need her help, Thanks! (In your own words of course) You are allowing yourself to breed burdening feelings that you do not deserve to have. Do not let your mom in law mistake your kindness for weakness! Good luck!

Answer 7

you are letting her take control of the situation. just explain to her that your the childs mother, its your first and how will you ever know how to handle things like this if your mom in law keeps butting in? be forceful.

Answer 8

You need to take control of this honey. Do NOT let her tell you what to do with your child. tell her you appreciate her input, but you will take care of it yourself. :) I hope you do this. if not, she will get worse and you, your husband, and your child will resent her for this.

Nip it in the bud now, don't wait.

Answer 9

You may not have any choice but to hurt her feelings. If it is just small stuff does it really matter. For anything important, just be firm and tell her that you will deal with it.

Answer 10

Just let her know how you feel. Let her know you appreciate the help but you can handle it and take care of your daughter.