Still EX-changing holiday cards???

Question

I have been with my boyfiend for almost 2 /12 years and we are also moving towards getting engaged.

Early on in our relationship, we had some turbulance because two of his ex-girlfriends began to actively pursue him when they found out that he was getting serious with me. They would call him, send him cards for very occassion, etc. It really caused tension between he & I, because I knew that they had motives and I felt that he was perpetuating their interest by always responding to their calls, exchanging cards w/them still, etc.

I am not a controlling person, but I did ask him to please cut them both off, because of their unresolved feelings for him. They obviously were still trying to stay in his life for the wrong reasons.

Well, it's the holidays and by no means was I snooping, but I saw his Christmas Cards about to go out (he owns a small business) for clients & some personal contacts, and sure enough one of his exes was on there.

Should I be upset? I feel it......

One answerer is right, I do need to remain secure, and trust, but because I already stated that this bothered me (him accepting calls/mail from his exes) I am still bothered.

Recently, he said that he is not communicating with either one anymore. He knows it was a hot button. Why the company christmas card then? No sig, no notes, but the thought. These girls were stating their regrets and deep feelings; they weren't just being friendly. I know that he loves me very much and wants to marry me- he said if he wanted to back to either one, he easily could have by now.

As I stated, I don't want to be insecure and mistrusting- but I don't want someone who's heart is still in the past......

I love him and really want to marry him. What do I do? How can I approach this without looking psycho?

Answer 1

Well, he didn't respect your wishes, and for that you should be upset.

But it's just a Christmas card--not a love letter by any means. Of course, I'm assuming it was a generic card. You are the one getting engaged to him, not her. As long as you trust him, it should not be an issue. However, if you find other cards going out to his ex, then you should address the issue.

If it were me, I would've been tempted to add my name at the bottom of the card (Happy Holidays, from Joe & Jane). ;o)

Answer 2

My ex hurt me when we divorced, but a year later and we're still friends. I found out some things about him that really upset me, but I spent four years of my life with him as the center of my world. He's like my best friend now. We hang out, we go to dinner, we do everything like before without the intimate parts. We don't sleep together, and we don't love each other. When you spend so much of your life with someone it's hard to just feel absolutely nothing for that person.

I have a guy that I see on a regular basis and he understands. He knows that my ex is a part of my life that isn't just going to disappear. He doesn't have to like him, and actually he's never spoken one word to him. My ex is more like a family member now than anything. I say you shouldn't worry over a Christmas card... unless it's in a pink, perfume scented envelope.

Answer 3

You should give him the benefit of the doubt until he proves that he doesn't deserve that. Since he has a small business, some of the ex's may be a business interest as well. On the other hand, you need to worry whether he has unresolved issues with them as well and counseling I think is a must before marriage.
Also, you may need to raise your self esteem and remember that he is with you now for a reason - I will give you a site for that.
what their feeling toward them is not as important as what he feels or doesn't feel toward them. If he says they are only friends tell him you want to meet them because any friends of his should also be friends of yours. Good Luck to you!

Answer 4

I would be! You guys have been together for 2 1/2 years, and moving towards becoming engaged... and he still take the time to write a x-mas card to an ex??? I don't think so, that wouldnt fly with me....you need to talk to him and tell him you need to be able to trust him, and that you thought he understood your feelings toward this whole situation... see what his reasoning for doing it was.... and seriously, is he going to invite them to the wedding too??

Answer 5

Oh expensive. captivating of her! on the 2nd, the situation is that she paid for the tickets on her credit card and to that end could make any alterations she needs. the shown fact which you gave her £500 in money on your fee tag is the single you will ought to coach and without seeing the e-mails this is complicated to assert no remember if or no longer they'll function that info. i've got self belief your in basic terms wish on the 2nd is to take all that to a solicitor and seek for his advice.

Answer 6

Honestly, I would be. It doesn't matter if she still wants him, or if she's just doing it to see if she can get in the way of your relationship or what.

The only way I would be comfortable about the situation is if you knew her, talk to her, and see that they are actually FRIENDS and thats it. I am still friends with a couple of my ex's, but I also have them hang out with my current bf, so there is no misunderstanding and jealousy.

Answer 7

Sorry maybe you should work on your trust issues.