I've been dating a guy for the 8 months. It's gotten very serious. We live together and have been ring shopping. The problem is he has started to develop some habits that I can't live with.
In the past 5 months our sex life has nearly died. He has been depressed since taking a major pay cut (about $2000 per mo). Since then he has gained a lot of weight (he was a bodybuilder when we first started dating). When I have tried to get him "in the mood" he just says that he doesn't want to because he is depressed and doesn't like the way he looks anymore.
Well, having a boyfriend that won't have sex with me has affected my self esteem. Now on top of all of this he has started making fun of my weight (I'm not fat by any means, I wear a size 6 in misses), commenting about girls on tv and how good they look, and he has even started joking about wanting a threesome. All of this he says as a joke, but it still hurts my feelings and yet he still does it...
2007-12-03 03:17:52 · 16 answers · asked by Imbue 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
I hate how is making me feel, and I hate how little respect he must have for me if he is willing to treat me this way. My question is this. Should I give him an opportunity to fix it? Or should I cut my looses and realize that someone who treats me this way couldn't possibly love me...
2007-12-03 03:19:43 · update #1
Tell him in no uncertain terms that you won't tolerate his behavior. If he doesn't make an effort to change within like a month, leave him.
2007-12-03 03:21:42 · answer #1 · answered by Sydney 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
women change men all the time in relationships. We are the ones doing the compromise usually, not you guys (unless u have kids then thats a different story). The vagina has the upper hand, always remember that. That being said, it's possible not to change a man's "asshole" attitude, some of it you just have to deal with, unless you dont want to deal with it, then he's out of the picture :)
2016-04-07 05:41:53 · answer #2 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I used to date a guy like this. Hence, used to. I think 8 months is not enough to determine if you want to spend your life with someone. My parents met and married with 3 months and are still together-not always the case. The best you can do if you love him, is tell him you don't appreciate behavior and he is this "person" that he has become then you can't be with that person. Trust me, there are men out there who will respect you and won't hurt you intentionally.
2007-12-03 03:25:35 · answer #3 · answered by z 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Guys can change if they are willing to do it, they have to see it for themselves and realize it inorder to change they cant feel forced in to doing it. But it does sound like you need to talk to him and really let him know how upset you are by all of this dont yell and dont attack that just makes them more upset just be calm and let him know. If after a little while and you keep talking to him about it and he doesnt even make an effort or get better than you may need to leave. goo luck i know its hard but my guy is proof that if they realize it themselves and really want to be with you they can change.
2007-12-03 03:25:09 · answer #4 · answered by ckatz 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes. Men change in time and with age. Let him go and if he comes back to you it was meant, thats a motto I like it. But sometimes when you leave someone they change and the next girl gets the better man. If he makes you feel bad leave him. You can mother him into changing, he must do that on his own.
2007-12-03 03:50:19 · answer #5 · answered by Miss Dymond 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you need to confront him about this. It isn't a bad habit to gain weight and then criticize you. I think it is depression and taking his frustration out on you will only drive you apart. You need to tell him, kindly at first, then if he doesn't at least try to change then you need to be more serious. If this keeps up this could end your relationship.
2007-12-03 03:25:38 · answer #6 · answered by Jon C 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
They can change IF THEY WANT TO just like an alcoholic can change if they want to, but nothing from you will ever get them to change. That is the first thing they will tell you at any support group for alcoholics and even pedophiles, that they can reform themselves if they want to. They will always have the urge, your bf will always have the urge to be an a**hole, but he can modify his behavior if he wants to, but it has to be his decision not yours, and that is the real problem. Usually they have to hit bottom pretty hard before they will change.
2007-12-03 03:27:50 · answer #7 · answered by bocasbeachbum 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to talk to him. Thats the only thing you can do. His problems with self-esteem are causing him to "attack" you, which you don't deserve. Maybe some couples therapy?
You just need more communication. Or maybe it is just time to move on. Be strong and do what is best for YOU.
2007-12-03 03:21:45 · answer #8 · answered by .... 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i believe anyone can change if they truely want to change. But if he is having selfpitty on him self tell him you wont put up with it for much longer. Yes you love him but you don't need to put up with his crap.If he wants to look like he does,then fine, but you don't have to deal with his name calling even if he is joking it hurts still.It's all self pitty for him right now. But also being depressed is serious he might want to look into some help.. Best of luck....
2007-12-03 03:26:35 · answer #9 · answered by Toni A 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is not just depressed. His depression has lead him to a serious inferiority complex which he is masquerading as a superiority complex by provoking you incessantly. Get rid of him. It will do a lot good to your self-esteem.
2007-12-03 03:25:24 · answer #10 · answered by Naamoku 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋