Why men shouldn't write advice columns?

Question

Dear Uncle Walter
I hope you can help me here. The other day I set off for work leaving my husband in the house watching the TV as usual. I hadn't gone more than a mile down the road when my engine conked out and the car shuddered to a halt. I walked back home to get my husband's help.
When I got home I couldn't believe my eyes. He was in the bedroom, in our bed, with a neighbour.
I am 32, my husband is 34 and we have been married for twelve years.
When I confronted him, he broke down and admitted that he'd been having an affair for the past six months. I told him to stop or I would leave him.
He was laid off from his job six months ago and he says he has been feeling increasingly depressed and worthless. I love him very much, but ever since I gave him the ultimatum he has become increasingly distant. I don't feel I can get through to him anymore.
Can you please help?
Sincerely,
Mrs Deidre Usk


Dear Deidre:
A car stalling after being driven a short distance can be caused by a variety of faults with the engine. Start by checking that there is no debris in the fuel line. If it is clear, check the jubilee clips holding the vacuum pipes onto the inlet manifold. If none of these approaches solves the problem, it could be that the fuel pump itself is faulty, causing low delivery pressure to the carburetor float chamber.
I hope this helps.
Walter

Answer 1

You're right, it's not a good answer. Stalling of this kind can also be caused by a broken winding in the ignition coil.

Answer 2

It sounds to me that, provided Walter here actually read your letter (and it sounds like he probably didn't), that he is attempting to stay out of your personal life. It can be dangerous to step into someone else's private life, if things go wrong you could jeopardize your friendship with the person who asked for advice. Try not to be too hard on the guy, I think it is fear of emotion that prevented him from answering properly, not because he didn't care.


As far as your husband, I'm sorry to hear about what happened. As an explanation (and not an excuse), losing his job may have caused him to lose his confidence. He may have started the affair as a way to reaffirm his belief in himself; to reaffirm that he was "still a man" capable of doing things a man does, which in this case was to impress a woman so that she is willing to "be with him."

And I know you'd probably ask "why not you?" You are already with him, why would he go anywhere else? Well, the answer is actually in the question; you are already with him. He knows he can get you, he already has. There isn't as much of a confidence builder in getting you, you are already married. He still loves you and wants you, but it won't accomplish in his mind what it is he wants established (that he is still a man).



Now that you've found out, it appears you are choosing to give him a chance to atone for this. Which may also be why he has become distant. Basically you just showed him up, proved that you were better than he is. He cheats on you and does wrong, and you don't repay him with revenge; instead you forgive him. He now considers you better than he is, and he feels he doesn't deserve you. On top of that, he feels he can't ever do anything to deserve you; so subconsciously he quits trying.

Both of you need counseling, but especially him. He considers himself lower than you and will always do so until he has forgiven himself. And if he doesn't forgive himself, he will "punish" himself by forcing you to leave him; if forgiveness is out of the question for him than you leaving him is the only other way to alleviate the guilt. In his mind suffering purges guilt, and he also feels he is protecting you from suffering when you have no guilt. Basically he would be seeing it as you leaving him rather than feel the humiliation of being with someone who cheated on you, so in some ways his subconscious is doing this for you (whether you want it or not).

A marriage counselor may help him to "fix" his mind and forgive himself so that he can then work to be your husband again.

Answer 3

Men are just as capable of rendering lousy advice as women. In asking for advice one must be discerning enough to take or leave such advice.

Obviously, Walter was not empathetic to the dilemma Deidre was trying to get advice for. Walter tried to help with the car trouble and not the husband trouble, as Deidre was expecting.

I read Deidre's problem and see that Walter might be giving her the advice she truly needed. That is, she should know how to fix her own car because the louse she's married to isn't worth a hill of beans.

Answer 4

That man should simply be Left women aren't trash so don't treat them like that, if i was that lady i wouldn't of given him a chance and left him. Just because he had no job doesn't give the man a right to play with someones feelings. It's happened this time, who says it wont happened again. I've seen these things happen in my family with my parents, and after they split up, my mum is happier.

Answer 5

I am a man give advice to any one and the choice to use it is theirs and theirs alone and if they say it is wrong then why do they ask concerning your hubby loosing a job is depressing and makes you feel low but it is no excuse to cheat on you is it what do you feel about this? looking at it another way if a friend done this what would you tell them that is your answer good luck Dave

Answer 6

Typical male response. I'd leave if i was you once a cheater always a cheater.

Answer 7

I thought the joke was amusing;

I thought the responses of people who thought this was real were ****ing hilarious...

Answer 8

damn right advice, that's one he's specialized in , not emotional problems, and the wife didn't specified what exactly was her problem. lol!

Answer 9

hahahahahahaha some men are idiots star!!

Answer 10

LOL!
Nice one!
A star for u!!