My boyfriend and I have been together for about five years now. He says that he loves me completely. However, he cheated on me with his best friend. She had to tell me. I gave him a second chance. He has been trying to make up what he did. He DOES honestly seem to love me because he's always doing little things for me, from hugs/kisses to small gifts like decorating my room during Valentines. However, sometimesI feel that he's manipulating me to staying with him. Then, he tells me that he truly wants me to be happy and will be willing to let me go if I want to. At the same time, they're just words. The thing is, it seems like he IS willing to let go of me.. but sometimes, I think he's just lying. I don't know. Sometimes, I feel so lucky with him, but at times, I think I can do better. Am I only staying with him because I love him or is it because I'm too nice?? My friends think I'm too nice, esp. after he cheated on me. I don't know. Is this worth it? Please help. Thanks.
2007-12-02 17:37:39 · 26 answers · asked by CS 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
No one but you can answer if the relationship is worth it or not...I personally couldn't forgive someone who cheated on me, no matter what they did to try to make it up to me. If he loved you "completely" then he wouldn't have cheated on you! If you're not happy with him, and if you're simply questioning your relationship with him and exactly how you feel about him, I'd say it might be time for you to move on. If it's meant to be, you two will find your way back to each other. Maybe you need to be on your own for a while to know if he's the one you truly want.
Good luck with things.
2007-12-02 17:41:57 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
where is the relationship going? You have been together five years and it doesn't sound like there is any more commitment than a couple of kids in high school. Cheating is a very difficult thing to forgive and forget for the cheater and the person cheated on. Once that trust is broken, it fractures the relationship. You have two choices, you can try to keep it together or you can go your own way. From your description, and reading between the lines, it appears you really would like to end the relationship, but you are hanging on because you just don't have the courage to do so as yet. Keeping your bf on the string waiting for something better, may never happen, and five years is a long time to make changes and get back out into the dating scene, but I think you are headed in that direction; and just need a boot in the butt to get moving....so get moving.
2007-12-02 18:48:42 · answer #2 · answered by Diane B 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should ALWAYS trust your gut instincts. If you feel that he is not being sincere, then leave him. This is the mistake that people make all the time, their soul tells them one thing and then their brains try to figure it out and cloud them up.
There is a chance that he being so nice because he wants you to trust him again- so that he can cheat on you again and have you not suspect anything.
But, get out of that relationship before you get hurt again and find someone who loves you and respect you enough from the start and doesn't have to get it right the second time around.
And another thing, IF he ever truely loved you in the first place, he would have NEVER done it, especially not with someone sooo close to you. That is telling you that he completely disreguards you. I know it sound weird and i don't condone cheating- but if he loved at all and he just wanted a little sex on the side- he would have screwed a complete stranger so that you would never be hurt by finding out. When he screwed your friend- he put a quick lay over his love for you, even if it was just a slip up.
2007-12-02 17:47:12 · answer #3 · answered by Safrole 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would stay with him because it sounds like he has really changed for the better after he had cheated on you. I am one that believes strongly in forgiveness. If someone is truly sorry and especially if they show it for something, no matter how bad it was, they should forgiven and given a second chance. You don't have to believe in the expression "Forgive and forget", cause I sure as heck don't. Obviously you can never forget he cheated on you, but don't let decide you should leave him. I mean come on, with all he is saying and doing now that is really nice and good for you, you don't want to just give that up. You may be too nice, but that is ok because then it is easier to forgive someone that has done wrong to you. He seems like a nice guy from what you wrote in your description and I think if you look deeply in your heart and his, you will find out he really has changed for the better now and is meant to be with you. I mean come on, also five years you were with him, that really doesn't make one cheating incident at all a good reason to end things with him. You were with him long enough that I think you should consider marrying him as long as he makes no more big mistakes like cheating on you. No one can be perfect and besides, the fact that one really bad thing happened like that, and you are still with him right now really means that you truly love him. If you don't agree with me and think you should leave him cause you can't trust him, just think of the guilt you may be feeling cause you will realize he has become a much better person and you shouldn't have let his past mistakes ruin things with you. Well it is up to you, but I think you should stay with him, and highly recommend you really think hard about things first in case you decide to break up with him because I have heard about people that have regretted breaking up with someone when they think things could have been given more of a chance. Believe me, they really regret what they did then and can't get over it. You shouldn't take your chances of ending up like those types of people unless he actually makes anymore big mistakes.
2007-12-02 17:50:24 · answer #4 · answered by Zick1234 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Words come very easy. And sometimes actions don't tell you the whole story either. You would do best to trust your instincts. It sounds to me like you are recieving all kinds of mixed messages from this guy. He cheats on you, but also does nice things for you. He tells you he loves you, then tells you he is willing to let you go (BTW, don't ever let someone make you think that willingness to let you go is some kind of "loving sacrifice" on their part..If you love someone you fight to keep them) My mother, grandmother and every other intellegent woman I know always told me to go with your first instinct, its usually dead on. Don't overthink it, because you'll just end up talking yourself into what you want something to be. Not what it really is. If he does something for you and for some reason it feels to you like its not geniune or there is some munipulative motive behind it your probably right. From the tone of your letter it sounds like instinct is screaming to you "there is something thats just not right here!". Learn to trust yourself, the more you do the easier it gets. Good luck!
2007-12-02 17:55:41 · answer #5 · answered by CalamityJane 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you take him back after cheating, he'll know that he can do it again without losing you. He'll just keep making it up and doing all that valentines day lovey dovey stuff. It's bullshit.
Trust me, it'll turn into this horrible cycle of breaking up and making up. My advice to you is to leave the man. But hey, I don't know either one of you, so I can't really say if he really, HONESTLY regrets it and will never do it again.
If you feel it in your heart to give him a second chance, go for it. I hope for the best! Don't let him control the relationship. Do what YOU think is right!
2007-12-02 17:50:27 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't understand cheaters. I would never take a cheater back. My roommate cheated on her ex it was really bad and messy. Her Ex took her back but it did not work. He treated her like **** because of the hurt she had put him throw. I think it is better to start over new with out the baggage no matter how much you might love each other. That hurt will always be in the back of your head. You man F- up. His lose.
2007-12-02 17:42:31 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
My bf cheated on me after 1 year together, We are still together 6 months later and things couldn't be better sometimes i get so upset when i think about what he did, but i know it was a mistake. I think you should try it for a few more months and then take a relfection time and think are you really happy when you are with him? then make your decision. Sounds like a great guy tho....
2007-12-02 17:41:50 · answer #8 · answered by Esther 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh dear.
It sounds to me like he really does care, and he just really messed up. I cant tell you if you should leave him or not though, nor can anyone else on this websight. That is really up to you.
If he makes you happy then its worth it.
But if you honestly think you can do better and dont think hes worth it anymore then thats what you should do.
I think if your up to it, a talk woud be nice. Let him read what you wrote, if he gets mad then maybe its not worth it.
But whats the worse that could happen? Him getting mad and leaving? At least you will know.
Best of luck.
=]
2007-12-02 17:45:18 · answer #9 · answered by Miranda 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Love is a gift that a person gives to you freely, and without malice of forethought. It seems like your boyfriend is not in a position to give love without hurting.
I have been cheated on, and I know it hurts! But believe me, they do not change, in fact, I think once you take them back they feel that they can treat you any way they want.
You should teach him a lesson, and break it off. That way, maybe he wont cheat on the next girl.
Jenny
2007-12-02 17:41:33 · answer #10 · answered by Jennifer W 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋