Ok this is what happened. 12 years ago I divorced my husband we had a 2 year old boy at the time. I was unwell in hospital ( I had an ongoing problem that lasted 5 years) and was deemed unfit to care for our son, so my husband was given full custody and he moved to the other side of the country. I hadn't seen or herd from either my son or husband for 12 years when last week the police called. My son had been arrested 6 times in the last year, mostly for stealing and being a public nuisance. My ex husband had been warned several times but did not seem to do something about it. So either I had to take him or he would be put in a detention center. I decided to take him. I have had him for two days. I don't know how my ex husband brought him up but he is one angry, frightened, confused and very rude 14 year old. Already he has thrown several plates and cups at walls, has called me several swear words and tried to run away. I think it is my ex husbands fault but I don't know what to do.
2007-12-02 17:31:30 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
I don't think it is all my husbands fault I think I am to blame to as well. I feel terrible for not having him in my life before now.
2007-12-02 18:23:20 · update #1
I know this type of kid very well, because I was one of them and STILL am trying to not act like that at the age of 20.
Here's the best advice I can give you, that if my dad would've done I'd probably be a lot happier.
Ask your son why he's angry. Try to get him to talk. Ask him why he wants to runaway, and what would make him happier. Explain to him about what happened to you, and that you're sorry you weren't able to be there for him the last 12 years. Tell him you do love him though, and that you want him to be happy. DON'T give up on him.
Bringing him to a counselor might seem like the right thing to do, but probably at this early he'd feel like you were just trying to shrug him away like a problem and let someone else deal with him. Do what I said, and if that doesn't work, ask him if he thinks going to a counselor (or anger management) would help.
2007-12-02 17:42:37 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
Placing blame will get you nowhere. The issue at hand is helping your son. He needs to get into family counseling and anger management classes immediately, before he does something serious that will land him in jail for a long time. Go with him to help him work through his emotions, but if he wants to talk alone, let him. In addition to therapy, see if there is something productive he would like to do that will help him handle his emotions. Does he want to learn to play a musical instrument? Drums would be an excellent one, if he wants. My husband is a drummer, and our three - year - old has his own drum set. Trust me, it can be a great energy release for boys! Or maybe he would like to try some physical activity to help manage his anger level. Above all, just be there for him no matter what. Let him know that you will not give up on him, no matter what - and stick to it. Best of luck.
2007-12-02 23:29:26 · answer #2 · answered by SoBox 7 · 0⤊ 3⤋
Your son has had a heck of a situation, not seeing you for 12 years had to be hard for him, too.. so consider that, as well as his father's lack of proper parenting.
You can probably try to get your son some help at the local mental health center... therapy works wonders when we work it...
Your son obviously needs someone to talk with, and a place to let it all hang out and talk about his problems.. he may not even know what is wrong?
i sure hope it works. everyone deserves a chance... take care.
2007-12-02 18:23:13 · answer #3 · answered by letterstoheather 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
get him into counseling fast and yourself too...his anger could be a result of your not being in his life...who knows what the father told him...or it could be a result of how the father raised him. Dont feel guilty...but get into counseling before something terrible happens
2007-12-02 17:37:06 · answer #4 · answered by top nurse 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Well, you have to try and not give up. That is what he expects you to do, and he's pissed. Maybe his dad was a real jerk. And you haven't been there...Now is your chance to make up for what I'm sure you feel terrible about, right?
2007-12-02 17:36:17 · answer #5 · answered by alikat 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Sounds to me like he is full of anger.. maybe his dad is the same way so that's just how he has grown up.
You could get him to see a councelor. It could help him. That's all I can really suggest.
2007-12-02 17:35:38 · answer #6 · answered by I ♥ my irish twins! 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
go to a family therapist right away. This is your son but he is a stranger and he is very angry.
2007-12-02 17:40:05 · answer #7 · answered by Nora 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I agree with Resa.
2007-12-02 18:04:43 · answer #8 · answered by DMW 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
counseling and a visit to a doctor.
2007-12-02 17:38:09 · answer #9 · answered by Steffie 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋