My Mother has been having financial problems for as long as I can remember and it is getting worse as she gets

Question

older. She refuses to sell her house and move in with me or my sister. But she is always needing money to pay her bills and we cannot afford to give her the amount of $$ she wants us to give her all the time. She refuses to get a different job or do anything different. When she has money she never saves any and even goes on vacation sometimes when she is almost broke again. We are at our witts end with her. Any advise? Or anyone out there who has gone through this kind of situation b4?

Twobear, Her house is in her old bosses name.It was about to be repoed and she asked me 4
$ 10,000 that I did not have. She got it from this man but the house has alot of equity and if she dies it will got to him at tthis point. She has not kept up with paying him and her taxes are adding on to the tab. The attic is crauling with termites and the house is a big mess. She eats whatever she wants even though her health is bad and this is making it much worse.
Yes she is like a child and has always been this way it is just more noticable now and it make me very sad.

Answer 1

OH MY GOODNESS. This sounds just like my situation! Well... with my mom it didn't get any better! She continued to live beyond her means and ask me for money to pay bills when she was broke. She didn't want to get another job because she has been there for years and although she makes WAY LESS then her potential she did not care.
I CUT HER OFF!
I have no brothers or sisters, it was just me and my husband helping her out. We have seven kids, one of which is very ill. I am a stay at home mother so my hubby's income is the only source of income.
I suggest you two cut her off COMPLETELY. When I did this..I started small. For example if she would ask me for 100.00 I would tell her I could only afford to give her 25.00. And eventually NOTHING. She started to change her habits! No more vacations, hanging out with friends for drinks or shopping spree's and ect.
Pretty soon she Thanked me! So said she knew what I was up to and she deserved and needed a rude awaking.

BY THE WAY..... Because of her living habits, my mom did eventually lose her home. I had NO IDEAL she was not taking care of the payments until a few days before foreclosure.
She lives in an apartment now and loves it! She says she feels safer.

Answer 2

I will just let you know about a situation that i had with an older man, who was a room-mate. (not a boyfriend!!!)
It seems like this man was or is like your mom. He could not come up with the rent on time or all of it or at all. I gave up on him and asked him to move out. He treated me like i was doing something wrong.
His own sons wife, kicked him out of their home. He got kicked out the home he had before he came to mine.
Was he learning anything? It doesn't seem like he has. Same as your mom.
I think his solution was to marry a girl that was willing to pay him to get married...i don't know if he did or not....but i am sure he moved in with her after my house situation and milked her out of paying her rent....So the answer is up to you. If you are really hard up for money. Be truthful and tell her so and she will have to go look someplace else. They seem to manage. They will loose lots of new friends and old friends.........but....they manage.
What is the situation with her home. I know there are things as far as getting loans and keeping the house and when a person dies, then the house goes to the lender???
You can find this out so that she can live off the money that she gets for the house. BUT someone else is going to have to be having power of attorney to handle her money!!!!!!

Answer 3

Your mother is behaving like an irresponsible child. I suggest you and your sister (and any other siblings) get together and figure out what to do. If you and your sister want to cut her off, that's a viable option.

If you don't want to cut her off, you can put her on an allowance of X number of dollars each month that go directly to bill paying. This is conditional to her behaving a certain way. For instance, if she does something financially you don't want her to do (violates one of your conditions), you can reduce the amount or cut her off. Or you can give her an allowance, conditional to her giving you and/or your sister power of attorney over her finances.

Also, if you don't want to cut her off, I also suggest talking to an attorney to see what your options are.

P.S. Advice from my fiance: Tell her you're going to give her 90 days to implement a plan to improve her finances. At the end of 90 days, if she's not improving, cut her off.

Answer 4

There are many people in life who simply cannot handle money,and sadly it seems that your Mother is one of them. I cannot see an answer, except to say do not be too ready to chip in every time. She has to learn to stand on her own feet. But at this age I doubt she ever will. I am sorry for you and your sister,this is a serious problem

Answer 5

I have not been in that situation because i do not enable people to use me for their personal gain.... if you are giving your mother money routinely, then you are enabling her to use YOU.

If your mother comes up with funds to go on a vacation, she can certainly afford to pay her bills, as far as i can see.

Stop giving her money... even if she sells her house and moves in with one of your family. Your mother's financial problems are probably mainly her own doing... she is not your responsiblity.

take care of YOU.

Answer 6

I'm sorry she's casual enough to cause you stress over her financial difficulties. Unfortunately, lending her money is the last thing you should do for her. She needs a wake-up call, and not having someone to rescue her might be just what she needs.

Answer 7

You can't help those who won't help themselves and it seems like your mum is one of these sorts of people. I have been having the same sort of trouble with daughter and her husband and have come to the conclusion that they have to experience the tough times to make them wake up to themselves, so therefore they will not be getting anymore money from me. Looks like you may have to give your mum the same dose of medicine even though its going to be tough on you watching her. I agree with you girls, she needs to sell her home and either buy a small unit or rent. Please keep in mind that it is very upsetting having to sell your one and only home, so please respect this of her.