What do you do when the boyfriend you're unhappy with is all you've got?

Question

I've been with the same guy (the only guy) since I was 19 - I'm now 28. I've never been able to fully move out from my paren'ts because if I did it would be to his place, but he's a disability pensioner with a daily marijuana habit and he never leaves his house. Deep down he's a great guy but he has never actually come to see me, but sits back and expects me to go to his place, using excuses like "my car won't make it to your place" or "I don't leave my house". The problem is that I want to enjoy life and while I'm happy to have fun at home I do occasionally like to eat out or go and do things. For a while there a female friend of his who'd separated from her hubby moved in with her kids to help him pay his bills - she's not staying there now and refuses to talk to him anymore - and he said he thinks she loves him (he was crying when he confessed this). I know it's all so wrong but I have NO other friends and am very introverted. Where do I start to fix my life??

Answer 1

That sounds like a tough situation to be in...if you truly want to change your situation I think the first step is committing to a change. From what you say in your question it sounds like you could go either way sometimes...If you want to break free and start down a different path there is a saying that might help you, "If you do what you've always done...you'll get what you've always got." That means that if you want to enjoy life, find people that share that goal...there are plenty of introverts who share an occasional night out or dinner out, etc...you just have to find people who you connect with. But remember this, misery loves company and when he finds out that you want something better with your life, he will try to talk you out of it, then he will get mad and try to guilt you into staying...either way, be tough and committed to your new life. GOOD LUCK!!!

Answer 2

Step 1: He's all you've got because you haven't dumped him and moved on. That is going to hold you back. Start there, because that is the easy part. You obviously, deep down inside, don't love the bum. So let him go and stop wasting your time.

Step 2: Work on the "I'm introverted" thing. Sure, I am, too, but you know what I did? I worked on it. Get out there! Join a club for something you are interested in! Do some volunteer work and help people in your community! Join a gym! Take a class! DO something. That is how you meet other people with similar interests. That is how you make friends. You show up at a volunteer opportunity, for example, and you won't even have to start a conversation. People will talk to you. You'll meet people. You'll make friends. Join a club for something you are interested in, and you have a built-in conversation starter. You don't have to be alone when you dump your loser boyfriend. There ARE options.

Step 3 (optional): If you find you are incapable of these simple two steps to finding happiness, then I recommend professional help. Talk to your doctor and get a reference to a therapist or counselor or psychologist. If one doesn't help you, try another. They are not all created equal. Get some help! Introversion, shyness, and depression can all be cured. Don't wait around. You CAN be happy, but you have to put some work into it.

Good luck!

Answer 3

It's time for you to get a life. You are the only one who can get yourself out of this rut - and if you've been there for nine years, it isn't going to be easy.
You don't say whether you are working or not, but you seem to think you have to either live with your parents or with this man - I can't call him a boyfriend because boyfriends don't behave like that. He's using you, pure and simple.
If you don't have a job, get one. Or go to college or a technical school and learn the skills you need to hold down a job. And then declare your independence. Get a place of your own. The best move would be to go to another city, and make a fresh start there.
As to how to meet people - you can begin by volunteering. There is a crying need for volunteers all over the country, and it's a great way to meet people. Join a gym, join a club, get a hobby -- all excellent ways to meet people.
But most importantly, cut the ties and free yourself from this guy. Either that or accept the fact that what you have now - a loveless and listless relationship, is all you are ever going to get from him.

Answer 4

Start by ending it with him. Like they say sometimes we block our blessings by not getting rid of the negative people and influences in our lives. Next work on improving your self esteem. If you truly value yourself you won't settle for just anything. Focus on you and your life and not finding a man. In time the right one will come along, but you have to be strong enough to know that a man is a want not a need, and you can be happy without one. That will also help you from dealing with any jerk that comes along. Being introverted has nothing to do with it. I too am an introvert and guys approach me all the time, but because I value myself and I have standards, I know who to give the time of day and who to leave alone. Love yourself, your happiness is dependent on you not someone else. Also try getting involved in causes and community activities that interest you, that's a good way to begin to meet new people.

Answer 5

why don't you have any other friends? no one from high school? Try the dating personals , like yahoo, there are thousands of them. I think you need to get away from this loser or he will keep you down and you will stay unhappy. You are too young to not be enjoying your life. Join a gym, this will make you feel better about yourself and you will be around other people even if not communicating with them. Find a friend and go out to a dance club, have a few drinks if you drink, losen up but keep your morals. Dancing feels great. hope this helps a little.

Answer 6

Move on. If he is is such a great guy he still can be your friend but you have to start your own life. Right now i am separated from my friend for almost 3 years i have no boyfriend, i am lonely but at least i am hoping for something better and nothing keeps me back. There are no impossible things and everything seems more difficult when you think about this but doing it is not so much.

Answer 7

You start by asking him if he would go outside for you. If he won't make this important change for you that he must know he should deep down, then he's not worth it, and I'm so sorry you wasted 9 years of your life.... As for friends, I'm sure you have some old high school or college friends that you could look up and start going around with. I used to be much like you, until I started actively looking for friends and inserting myself into their lives. Well, that's all I can do...again, I'm sorry if it doesn't work out.

Answer 8

not only MOVE ON
but you have to recognize yourself that you are living in a mold
Youve gotta take a stance and move on with your life
Im pretty sure you want kids and a family and possibly a dream house with a dream husband and job right
Stop wasting your life and make a leap towards your future

(Today marks the day that your new life begins) as soon as you say that you should move ahead and never look back.

Answer 9

Start by moving on and getting rid of the loser! Only then will you be able to find somebody who deserves you and will treat with some respect! If you are stuck with him, there is no way for you to find somebody else. join some clubs or take classes, do things that interest you and then you will find yourself around people who share some of your same interests. good luck

Answer 10

Girl run, don't walk, away from this guy! He is such a drain on you. Try hanging out with friends from work or neighbors or something but get yourself out there. You may meet someone or you may not. I think you need to get your life figured out before starting a new relationship (with a guy) anyway.