My boyfriend and I have been together for about five years now. He says that he loves me completely. However, he cheated on me with his best friend. She had to tell me. I gave him a second chance. He has been trying to make up what he did. He DOES honestly seem to love me because he's always doing little things for me, from hugs/kisses to small gifts like decorating my room during Valentines. However, sometimesI feel that he's manipulating me to staying with him. Then, he tells me that he truly wants me to be happy and will be willing to let me go if I want to. At the same time, they're just words. The thing is, it seems like he IS willing to let go of me.. but sometimes, I think he's just lying. I don't know. Sometimes, I feel so lucky with him, but at times, I think I can do better. Am I only staying with him because I love him or is it because I'm too nice?? My friends think I'm too nice, esp. after he cheated on me. Help! Thanks.
2007-12-02 16:23:36 · 11 answers · asked by CS 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
If you have not forotten and forgiven just get out now it won't get better and you will both be miserable, if it was meant to be you can always start over later with a clean slate.....You are NOT over him cheating and YOU know it but maybe are to comfortable to start over, not a good reason to stay together. Bottom line you don't trust him so let go.....
2007-12-02 16:42:45 · answer #1 · answered by Judy 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have two questions: Do you trust him? Do you love him?
If you don't trust him, it doesn't matter how you feel about him, you will never be happy with him. and this is a yes or no question, no shades of gray, the trust issue isn't a sometime thing, you have to trust him all the time under all circumstances.
If you do trust him, but you don't really love him, there's no reason to stay with him regardless how he feels about you. It would be cruel to him to stay with him because you think he loves you so much--that's just pity or in a worse case senario selfish because then you are just in the relationship for the ego gratification.
If you do decide that you trust him and love him and want to stay with him, then make this a two strike chance. He's struck out once by cheating on you. Give him the chance to prove he's changed and won't do it again and if he does, that's it, you are gone forever.
2007-12-03 00:35:06 · answer #2 · answered by Invisigoth 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think it is always hard when you bring outside people into a situation like this and ask their advice, because there is no way we can know everything that has gone on between your and your boyfriend (close friends included).
That being said, I would just encourage you to really think about the answer the the question you posed here...you can make a list of pros and cons, or just take the time to do some introspection to find out the answer to your question. You said "he would be willing to let me go if I want to..they're just words". Is this what want him to think, or what you think he has shown you so far? If so, that might be something you want to take into consideration as well. People do make mistakes, but no one is willing to try to make up for their mistakes forever- that usually ends in resentment. If you are going to forgive (and I mean REALLY forgive), then do that. If it is something you can't get over, then you might only be dragging out a breakup.
I hope this has given you somethings to think about...good luck!
2007-12-03 00:37:38 · answer #3 · answered by Justwant2help 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like to me your the only one who can answer this question, no one else can tell you if you love him or not, you should really think this over, if you love him, then stay with him, because you obviously were able to forgive him for cheating, but if you don't love him and don't feel a spark in your relationship any more, then you need to move on, that would be the best thing for the both of you if that's the case.
2007-12-03 00:30:50 · answer #4 · answered by ARTY 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You need to consider your own feelings here. You say yourself that sometimes you think you can do better. Staying with someone because they seem to love you is not a good reason for staying with someone. A good reason is that you love them AND they love you AND you treat each other accordingly.
The other thing is, he didn't just cheat on you (bad enough in itself), but he cheated on you with his best friend. That's not good & does not auger well for the future. If he's physically attracted to someone he calls his "best friend", that's not likely to go away anytime soon.
It seems to me that all 3 of you are pretty confused. I'd move on.
2007-12-03 00:42:25 · answer #5 · answered by Jules 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why don't you try calling his bluf! Tell him you want to have some time apart. If he really loves you he will let you do this and if you really love him you will want him back.
I have had to let my girlfriend of 4 years go so she can work out if she still loves me or not. It hurts like hell and isn't easy but if we get back together it will be because she knows she loves me.
2007-12-03 00:31:45 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
you know your friends can all tell you nto to trust somebody after they've cheated on you and while sometimes that is the case, sometimes i think its ok to stay together with him/her. they don't really know how your relationship is. just tell him that your giving him a second chance and not to blow this one. but really other peopel can't tell you what to do, only you know what your relationship with him really is worth.
2007-12-03 00:31:41 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
i personaly believe everyone deserves a second chance, but if you think you dont like him and its just because your being nice.. it would probably be best to "take a break" and get your head straight. maby see a few other people during that time and see if you do love him or if it was just being nice.
2007-12-03 00:29:33 · answer #8 · answered by Joel S 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Never stay in a relationship that makes you miserable
2007-12-03 00:29:51 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
I know its hard and confusing. When your in doubt leave someone. It doesn't sound right. Do what your heart tells you.
2007-12-03 00:49:36 · answer #10 · answered by Josie 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋