Is it normal to not get along with your in-laws?

Question

Many people I know do not get along with their in-laws. I don't like mine because they told me I was fat constantly when I was pregnant and now they always put me down on how I raise my child. It is my husband's brothers and their wives that do this. It has gotten so far that I do not see them and have not for a whole year. We live blocks away from them, so the kids and my husband see them often(like every other day), but I avoid them. Even at the grocery store. In my culture it is an insult to tell people they are fat and scold them on how to raise their kids. Since people have different ways of raising kids. What do you think?

Answer 1

It's completely normal. To be honest though, I get along better with my Mother In-Law more than I do my own Mother. She's real easy to get along with. Now I didn't get to know my Father In-Law, but it sounds like I would have had many altercations with him. So once again, yes it's normal.

Answer 2

Unfortunately, it seems fairly common for wives not to get along with their in-laws. I wish it was different. I feel very blessed that my husband's family is absolutely wonderful and kind to me. They brought me into their family from day one and have loved me like a daughter ever since. I wish every wife could say they had this kind of r'ship with their in-laws.

A large part of the problem isn't your husband's family but rather your HUSBAND. It's the husband's job to stand up for you, to defend you against anyone, including his family. He should keep his family in check and should refuse to be with them unless they can treat you with respect.

Answer 3

I think it just depends on the people involved.. I personally don't get along very well with my father in law. for the most part, we are pretty civilized.. He loves me, and I love him too, but I get really frustrated with him and how he has put me down as well.. he is also old fashioned and makes me feel as if I don't know what I am doing with many of my choices. On the other hand, I feel as if he could have done better with his choices..
so I think it really depends.. some people really get along well with their in laws.. others don't.

Answer 4

i think when you have had enough of being told to be quiet and get tired of being patted on the head you find a way to make it stop now you did not marry the rest of the family you married him now if your husband can't see what they are putting you thru then maybe you should take a closer look at yourself and decide if it is worth it ... i belive you can find a solution it is just going to take time and a lot of thought if you pray hard enough on it then you will be given the answer you can live with... good luck and god bless

Answer 5

This is a situation where you need to be careful, because your children are watching how you handle it. Do you want to teach them that it's okay to just ignore people rather than finding a way to work things out or at least stand up for yourself?? Do you want them to think it's okay for a husband to completely ignore the fact that his siblings have hurt his wife's feelings? Do you want your son to treat his wife with so little caring? Do you want your daughter to grow up and think it's okay for her husband to not stand up for her?

I think you need to talk to your husband. Give him specific examples of their actions and figure out, as a couple, what you are going to do about it. Your need to express your needs to your husband.... Let him know that you are hurt and that he's chosen to not defend you to his family, which only causes more hurt. Talk to him about the kind of man he wants his daughter to marry... and if he thinks he's being an example of that kind of man for his daughter.

This is a very tough situation... and you need to tread carefully. Perhaps a counselor could help you work this out with your husband?? I don't see it as an in-law problem... but a marital problem. After all, it's his reaction you're most disappointed in, isn't it?

Answer 6

I am right there with you. My f-i-l has always talked to me and my husband like we are still 16. I can't stand it ,I just want to yell at him I'm 30 get off my back. I guess that really sounds like what a 7 yr.old would do but I don't care.

Answer 7

I think that it is normal because i can't stand my Inlaws either. Everyone I know that is married can't stand their Inlaws either. They think that they can't treat you any way that they want. So I totally understand what your saying. My stupid mother Inlaw always says mean things to me like I should be walking or, im a bad mom because I give my son cold cereal like cheerios. She is so Mellow Dramatic. So hun I TOTALLY understand. hang in there and just remember that for them seeing your kids is a privilage. And they have to earn that privilage. If they are gonna treat you like crap and not respect you then they aren't respecting your kids. Well good Luck!

Answer 8

Oh my goodness...can you believe it? My mother-in-law is like that. She can say so many negative things to me. I have put up with her for 16 years. Two weeks ago, she made me mad for the last time. I decided not to talk to her. Last night, I was sort of forced to speak with her ( my husband doesn't care for her either and makes me speak with her). I finally told her how I was feeling. I was calm, but stated the facts. Examples: her saying my house was dirty (not really) and I mentioned I don't care for that , and that her house is 10x as dirty as mine and I have never said a thing to her!
Sometimes, you just need to finally stand up to them. Why the husbands don't stand up to them is beyond me. I stand up to my family when they say something about him or his mother!
Get brave my dear, and just do it. You will feel better. Just remember to do it in a positive, calm matter. Picking fights, and pointing fingers doesn't get you anywhere except in a worse place. But ignoring it won't get you anywhere but have it eat YOU up inside. Or- talk to your husband and ask him to please please speak to them! Good luck to you!

Answer 9

that's horrible and your husband should be telling them to shut the hell up and keep there opinions to them self's that's not right at all they done seem like th kinda people that you want in your life you only need positive people in your life people that love you and your family no matter what

Answer 10

Honey, it's an insult in most cultures to call someone fat and criticize how they raise their kids! Hubby needs to get a backbone (and perhaps a new pair of you - know - what) and stand up for you. They have NO right to be attacking your weight or how you raise your child. This may sound petty, but I wouldn't let my son around someone who puts me down. The reason for this is that I wouldn't want him to hear people badmouthing me, as it would only lead them to disrespect me.
I had a similar but not so severe situation with my dear in - laws, particularly my dear sister - in - law (who, by the way, has no children of her own). All of my in - laws live within a few miles of us, so we see them often. My sister - in - law constantly criticized every choice we made for our son - right in front of him. My other in - laws weren't quite as forward, but they would specifically do things with my son that we told them not to do. For example, if my son didn't eat his dinner, I said he couldn't have dessert. My MIL would jump right up and hand him a cookie anyway, and I would have to be the mean one in everyone's eyes by taking it away. If my son misbehaved and I put him in time - out, one of them would immediately scoop them up and say, "Don't worry, (their name) will rescue you." They knew soda was completely off limits, but would give it to him anyway. And no subject was off limits, from the way we cut our son's hair to the way we choose to educate him. As a result, while our son is practically a little angel everywhere else, he became a bit of a terror whenever my in - laws were around. He would go from being completely respectful at home to not listening to a word I said when they were around, because he got the message that they were the only ones in charge. I finally had it, and told my husband that he would have to back me up on this since it was HIS family interfering with ours. At first he protested, but he then got on board. We told them that WE are the parents, and we make the rules. If they couldn't respect me and butt out of how I raise our son, then they weren't going to be around him. They quickly changed their tune, and are now much better. I'm so glad we cleared the air, because my in - laws are really lovely people and I love them very much. My MIL and I actually get along very well. In their case, I don't think they were fully aware of the damage they were doing. Unfortunately, it sounds like your in - laws are just mean - spirited people.
So stand up to them. Make it clear that they will not be around YOUR child if they don't respect you. Again, it's not to be petty, but rather to protect your relationship with your child and the respect you want him to have for you. Hubby can see them if he wants, but make it clear to him how hurt you are that he allows such comments to be made. Good luck and hang in there!