Okay. A few X-mas ago I gave my grandparents hand drawn pics of my 3 children for a gift. It happened to be like the only thing they got. After that they did not want to participate in x-mas the way it has been my whole life I am 27. So i took it to heart and have 3 other familys to visit at the hoildays so I started to back away. Not going to the regular holidays with this side anymore. Which is my dads side. They have never helped me out of problems. but I have never asked myself. But they have always given my cousins and my sister everything they ever asked for. even if they never pay them back they still help them. i ordered shirts from my grandma she sells avon. I didnt have all the money right away so she said she would keep them til i did. Shes my Grandma. So any way Its my birthday today and not one person from that side of my family has made any effort at all to even call me. I did nothing to my dad or anyone else. Why to I feel like crap.
2007-12-02 15:36:35 · 8 answers · asked by Kathy D 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
The pictures wre hand drawn of the kids not by the kids from a professional. Cost was high.
2007-12-02 15:49:01 · update #1
Family Relationship vs Family Values.
Well... there are so many aspects of life that will affect extended family ties. You can write novels about it and there is no single magic formula that could ensure a happy and beneficial relationship to all the family members.
Maybe here are some "No"s that you may consider :
1. never rely on extended family support - even when family 'emotional' ties are (or seem to be) strong. This will only lead to dissappointment, both from the requester and the giver side. Everybody need to do their best to be self reliance, then you will see that the family ties will be enjoyable.
2. It is always better to give than to ask for. When you are financially better than some members of the family, then you will experience that people flock around you and you will become their favorite. This will annoy you because you know the reason and the purpose of all the 'sweet doings', especially when you compare their actions now to what you experienced when you were broke.
3. Never lend money to any family member, it will only "ruin" family relationship because in most cases it is lost money.
The above "No"s may sound as if it is intended to make you an "egoistic" and unsocial being, but experience had proven that this kind of attitude is the most suitable for maintaining a happy family relationship. As Bernard Shaw said : good fences made good neighbours - in the wider sense.
Last but not least, nobody's perfect. You may intentionally or unintentionally hurt or be hurt by anybody. You may want to live on an island, completely isolated from other living being, but ... human beings are social beings. You still need the family, for emotional reasons also.
2007-12-02 16:40:31 · answer #1 · answered by aria 11 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
you're 27 and not a little girl anymore. My family doesn't acknowledge BDays for anyone over 18. As to your grandparents, you said that you never ask them for anything, but your sister and cousins do. If you never ask them for their help, they can't know if you need it or not.
Some old people think that they are the elders and it is the younger generation's responsibility to stay in touch. My grandparents never call their children or grandchildren for this reason.
As to the grandparents not doing Christmas anymore. Since you were the only one who got them a present, they probably were upset that no one else thought of them and that is why they announced they wouldn't be celebrating the holidays anymore, thinking if no one was going to send them gifts or spend time with them, then they wouldn't waste their limited resources on gifts for people who don't want them. And to keep jealousies from surfacing, included everyone in the new tradition.
If you like these grandparents, continue taking time up with them because you enjoy their company. If they are unpleasant people, then don't feel bad about limited or eliminating your time with them. Life is too short to deal with toxic people.
2007-12-02 15:52:23 · answer #2 · answered by Invisigoth 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Let's start here. It is not about the pictures. I sure they are beautiful and a great deal of work went into it. Children are creative that way.
Bit is not the pictures. It is You. Do not allow any human being family or anyone else take your joy, your self esteem. Life is not a competition with brothers, sisters, cousins. You are an individual and you are important. Tell yourself that daily. Soon, before you know it, you will believe it. Then the behavior of others will not affect you this way. And Oh Happy Birthday!!!!!
2007-12-02 16:13:53 · answer #3 · answered by shoes_717 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
That's so crappy. The most you can do is either call them up and ask. If your dad is being the same way, you should ask him whats up. If their going to be that way, just be nice to them, so that they feel like crap. Or you can cut them out of your life.
Were the hand drawn pictures from your children or like, professional? Because either way they are ungrateful. They should be considerate of your situation.
Maybe the only reason their being this way is because they expect more from you, maybe your cousins have always needed more help. Maybe they think you would be able to pay them back? I think the best thing you could do is talk to them about it.
2007-12-02 15:47:00 · answer #4 · answered by My Charcoal Ramen 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
It relies upon on what your defintion of "strict" is. He should not be punished because of the fact of something of the family contributors. in case you desire to have a real bond with him i would not set limitations that are out of the common. handle him such as you're able to routinely handle your own new child, yet not with greater rules and rules in basic terms when you consider which you do not accept as true with the way something of his family contributors is "spoiling" him. for sure something is going suitable from their end if he's turning out to be this form of reliable new child. My daughter is comparable. She lives along with her grandparents suitable now on a similar time as i will college. they're tremendously a good number of so she gets tremendously plenty something she needs. She has greater outfits then I do and that i'm a garments-a-holic. yet she's completely conscious that she is spoiled, she's even suggested so. in spite of the undeniable fact that it would not hassle me because of the fact she's excelling in college (she's in 1st grade and he or she has a third grade analyzing point and a 4th grade math point), she's very considerate with different little ones (she's continually the 1st to purpose and help a tragic pal) and he or she's very point headed whilst it includes suitable and incorrect. So, some circumstances being spoiled isn't a foul element. that's a fortunate element. Ecspecially when you consider that what i've got continually needed for her is to have greater then I ever did.
2016-10-02 05:59:20 · answer #5 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I can't blame you for being somewhat hurt that your grandparents not wanting to participate in xmas happened to coincide with your gift. You can't automatically think it was the gift though. I understand you pulling away from grandparents a little since they were the ones who reacted poorly to the drawings. But why would you distance yourself from the rest of your dad's family? You can't make a conscious decision to pull away from them and then get your feelings hurt if they also pull away from you. You made your decision and now you have to live with it. If you don't want a close r'ship with them, that's fine but you can't expect a warm "happy birthday" from them either.
2007-12-02 15:50:41 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
you can choose your friends but you can't choose your family. Just be the best grand daughter, niece, cousin to your dad's side of the family. If you can't visit, don't force the issue. But if you DON'T want to visit, don't go. You'll only ruin your holidays. Send the gifts. If they like it, good. If they throw it out, not YOUR LOSS. Take it with a grain of salt and just pray for them.
2007-12-02 15:42:22 · answer #7 · answered by Equinox 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It's not about you. It's their sick dynamics.
I hope something special happens for you on your birthday. You do have three wonderful children and the upside is you will never allow this feeling to invade your children's hearts.
Blessings on you sweetie.
2007-12-02 15:50:09 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋