though I like talking to him at work. He and his mom are giving me Xmas presents...should I reciprocate? His mom calls me "daughter" even though I've never gone out with her son....I've explained to him that I just want to be friends, but he keeps calling and asking me to dinner, etc. He is mentally slow (borderline retarded) and I am a college grad...this bothers me, I can't help it. I don't mean anything bad about him...he can't help it and it's not like I'm super-bright. What should I do? Am I wrong to be bothered by our differences?
2007-12-02 15:30:18 · 12 answers · asked by Robin 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
You need to check your rule book, to see if there's one that will give you exemption from dating this guy. But, alas, you can find none. He doesn't insult you, hasn't cheated on you, hasn't stolen anything from you. So there's no reason why you can't date him, right?
Well, how about this one: Your life is your own and you can do what you want with it. It's probably not in their rule book but you can add it to yours if you want. You can not date him simply because you don't like the color of shoes he wears.
But they're so "nice". Really? How about manipulative by calling you "daugter" when it's not appropriate to call you this and buying you Christmas gifts? How about 'won't take no for an answer', which is disrespectful of YOUR feelings?
Now I'm not saying they're bad people. But they're not nicer than other people either, and they don't deserve special treatment. Treat him like you would any other guy who asked you for a date and you weren't interested, say no and move on. Don't accept gifts, this will just increase your sense of obligation to them.
You wouldn't be doing him any favors by dating him. Would you want someone to go out with you and say, "You know, I really am not attracted to you but I feel sorry for you. That's why I'm here. For charity."?
2007-12-03 08:32:41 · answer #1 · answered by LG 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Robin--you always go with your "GUT" feelings--and you feel that being friends is what is best with these people. I am sure this man is polite and respectful and he appreciates you as a FRIEND. The presents for christmas are their way of expressing their holiday spirit and how they feel about you. A few presents does not mean you are marrying this man--they just celebrate the special holiday by giving gifts to friends. You can send a bouquet of holiday flowers with a nice card that is not committal. When he calls for a date--you have the right to say no--and that NO needs no explanation. Simply say that you cannot go. Don't say"maybe another time". You are in control of your own life--be sure this man understands that you are just frieends and that you may date someone at a later time. Just be nice and be respectful--there are worse people out there to mess with your life.
2007-12-02 23:42:12 · answer #2 · answered by fire_inur_eyes 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your guilt is a normal reaction but not necessary. More than likely you are underestimating both him and his mother. You have explained your position to them, now just relax and enjoy the friendly relationship. That is all they want. On the other hand if you feel they are beneath you, I do not believe that you do, then you should be priciest and disallow any contact what-so-ever.
Everyone (irregardless of how slow or mentally challenged they may be) has something special within. It is more than probable that you will receive and gain much, much more than what you have to give.
There is no need for pity here. Treat him like a normal person...after all that's what he is.
2007-12-02 23:53:34 · answer #3 · answered by Robere 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well if you wont date him because he's mentally slow, then I would say most people would think you are wrong. I understand where you are coming from. I wouldn't want to date someone that couldn't keep up with me in conversation and I wouldn't want to have "take care" of them. it's sorta weird that his mom calls you daughter... I mean you could go out to dinner as friends, he probably doesn't have many people and he obviously feels comfortable around you and probably doesn't have the nervousness associated with be disabled when talking to you and hanging out..
It's gotta be hard for him to make friends, and have a normal life.. I would go out to dinner with him as friends. but that's just me...
but the daughter part would worry me... that might turn me off.
2007-12-02 23:36:21 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you're unable to communicate your desires to him in such a way that he understands, you should take the issue to his Mom. Honesty is the best policy here, just don't be an @$$ about it. Even though it's not always the most fun thing in the world to hear the truth, it's better that they realize that there's no future with you vs. hanging on to "what might have been". Good luck.
2007-12-02 23:34:31 · answer #5 · answered by NunyaBizzness 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No your not wrong about anything..You Shouldnt go on with the flow of things that you dont like. Yea this is a tough situation,Maybe you should Tell him how you feel even though its hard.. But think about it his mom calling you daughter ??? and he keeps calling you .You need to end it by telling him ,if not hes gonna take it to far.Also dont surprise anyone by taking a guy friend it might hurt that guy who likes you bad.
2007-12-02 23:39:19 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Move on! A girl I know introduced me to her family ready for marriage - they're from a different culture than the USA but there weren't sparks for me so I ended things fast! Don't get into a mess you'll have trouble gettting yourself out of later either in a live-in relationship, engagement, with child, or marriage or whatever!
2007-12-02 23:35:53 · answer #7 · answered by glennrussell 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you have your rights to choose who can makes you happy. if you dont like him give his x-mas gift back to him (if its something expensive) if its inexpensive then you should reciprocate with a card by saying that you will always cherish his kindness to you but you just wanna be friends with him. since he is slow just be straightforward. i know the truth will hurt but this kind of hurt is inevitable. Happy holiday!
2007-12-02 23:38:03 · answer #8 · answered by mycorollababy 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Nope love is a choice not a responsibility. No need to feel bad cause he chose you while you are trying to choose others. Easy option is to show your interest in guys....just not him. Get his input on guys you like to show you are indeed looking, but just not in his direction....
2007-12-02 23:35:38 · answer #9 · answered by Captain Obvious 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It would never work between you two. Since the smartest people dont have kids, and dumb people breed like rabbits, you two would never know how many kids to have. Forget him.
2007-12-02 23:34:25 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋