What can I do to make my toddler obey?

Question

My 2 1/2 year old daughter will not behave no matter what I do. I've tried timeout, corner, talking,spanking, begging and nothing works. It has gotten so bad that now I just sit and cry. I don't know what to do. It is important to me to be a great mom. What am I doing wrong?
Right now it is 10:20pm where I live and she refuses to go to sleep. I laid her down two and a half hours ago and I have been fighting with her ever since to go to bed and no matter what I do she refuses to go to bed. I am losing my mind! Please Help!

First off, Thank You so much for all the helpful advice.
My daughter shares a room with her 14 month old brother so this makes it hard to isolate her. I live in a two bedroom house, thats why she shares a room with her little brother. My Husband, their Father, is with us but he is the soft one and I am the strict one when it comes to our kids so having him put her to bed would only make it worse. I worry too that she might have ADHD because here Father and I both have it and take medication daily for it. She is also very stubbern. Sometimes I am afraid the neighbors are going to call the police because she will scream and yell like someone is trying to kill her when she is made to go to bed.

Answer 1

First of all, this is a normal stage. She is pushing her boundaries, and right now she is "winning"...and learning that if she wants something bad enough to throw a tantrum that you will give in.

What you need to do is pick *ONE* form of discipline and stick to it. Whatever you thought was best from all the ones you've tried-just pick it and stick with it.

Also, whenever possible, we like to make it so that our son has no choice *excepct* to do as we say. So if we say it is time for bed, our son goes to his room and isn't allowed out without permission. We put a baby gate up so that if he opens his door, he won't be able to get out of his room without calling for us....so it's impossible for him *not* to do what we said and stay in his room.

Another good tip is to pick your battles. Of course, in a situation like bedtime, you can't exactly *force* your child to lay in bed, close their eyes, and go to sleep. (I'm pretty sure any way you'd have of doing that would be child abuse.) But what you *can* do is put her in her room and tell her that she has to stay in there and be quiet until she is ready to sleep-so you don't have to fight her the whole way...and they also start learning some self control. Our son is 3 1/2 and he will usually play quietly for 20 minutes and then turn his light off and go to bed.

I know it's a frustrating time (toddler hood in general is) but you'll make it through! Good luck to you!

Answer 2

My son was the same way about bed time. I had to literally sit next to his bed, not talking to him, letting him scream and lay him back down every time he sat up until he finally gave u and fell asleep. Then I had to do the exact same thing for the next couple days.(keep in mind this can take u to 2 hours each night) After that I was able to sit a couple feet from the bed every night for a coulple nights and place him back in bed if he got out until he fell asleep. After a few more days I made it all the way to the doorway! The whole process took me about 2 weeks but now my problems at bed are few and far between. I know it seems like it will take forever, and trust me I cried a few times myself from being so frustrated, I tried so many things and this was the only only one that worked. Good luck, hope this helped.
PS. It does get better, just remember you child is going through a stage where they are just as confused and frustrated as you.

Answer 3

I have been there with the bedtime battle!!!! My daughter did not go to bed without a battle until she was almost 4 and the ONLY thing that worked was getting her up at 6am every single morning. Within a few days she was practically begging to go to sleep by 7-8pm every night and has fell into that routine. She has been in bed by 8pm every night for a couple of months now. I know you are probably sleep deprived yourself and the thought of waking up that early is not too exciting, but try it! I had the child who would cry and cry until she'd throw up, get herself all worked up and not be able to go to sleep until after midnight. It was crazy. Once she got into a routine her behavior improved so much, the lack of sleep at night really effected her throughout the day.

By the way, we are no longer waking up that early. We get up at 8am every day (even on weekends) and in bed by 8.

Good luck. You are not alone! I know how frustrating this is and I feel for you. ((HUGS))

Answer 4

I'm sorry you're going through this! The toddler years are so exhausting for parents! I have learned a couple of things that HELP (they don't solve disobedience completely!). One helpful tool is offering positive choices. For example, our daughter is potty training and sometimes she doesn't like to stop playing to go use the bathroom. So I offer her the choice: "Would you like to go use the potty by yourself or have Mommy help you?" If she doesn't make one of these choices, I inform her that I made the choice for her, pick her up and take her to the potty. Another thing I have learned is to fight everything in me that wants to keep arguing or reasoning with her. If your daughter is laying in bed, but refusing to sleep, you can ignore her until she falls asleep. Annoying and frustrating for you, but eventually she will learn that there is no reaction from anyone when she stays awake and she'll eventually fall asleep. When my daughter is on a time out screaming and crying at me, I pretend I don't hear her (even though I'm going crazy!!!) until the time out is up. I hope you can use these "tools"! They've helped me a lot!

Answer 5

Yes, be consistent even if it doesn't seem to work at first. Try not to get upset, just repeat putting the child back in bed over & over. Eventually they will stop getting up. Stop talking to her as this is part of her "reward" - get up & mom will come & talk to me. Insist she stay in bed quietly even if not sleeping.
Remember, a timeout should be without any comforts or toys. In a corner with nothing to look at. Not in their room with all their toys. One minute for each year of their age.
You can also take away toys if she has been bad & only give them back for good behaviour.

Answer 6

First of all, do not give in. I know sometimes you are ready to pull out your hair and will let her get out of bed but don't do it. Make sure first of all that she knows you are in charge.

Does she take a late nap for you? She might not be tired yet.

I think your tough love approach is right, you just need to stick to your guns. Babyproof her room and put her in there with a gate on the door. Tell her that it is bedtime and she is staying in there no matter what. When she gets out of her bed go in and put her back to bed without speaking to her or engaging her in any way. Just quickly and firmly put her in bed, cover her up, and leave. She could be trying to do the toddler control thing by getting you going - you start yelling and such and she gets satisfaction in getting your attention.

I know it's tough - my one son laughs at me when I yell at him, and bedtime was horrible for the longest time until my husband started putting him to bed. It took just a few nights with husband to find out we were serious. He still plays and doesn't always go to bed right away but were' talking getting to sleep by 8:30 or 8:45 instead of the 10:30 he was pulling with me.

You are not alone. Give yourself a break because you are doing the right things. It's going to take consistency and time. You are a good mom. She's just a toddler testing her limits. Everyone tells me it will get better. It will get better.

Answer 7

Toddlers are bred to push the boundaries. That being stated, who ever advised you that your son is an "evil satan youngster" has A) Never had youngsters or B) They are the variety of man or woman who believes that kids will have to slightly be obvious and without doubt no longer heard. My daughter simply grew to become 2 (Wednesday!). She does not concentrate to each guideline I supply her. Actually extra probably than no longer, her favourite reaction to some thing I inform her is "Ummm No!" That's whilst I sigh and rise up and advisor her to doing what I advised her to do. She listens plenty of the time too, however she's a baby. No baby is ideal or listens flawlessly. If they did, us mother and father might be out of fee :)

Answer 8

Boy, does she have you pegged for a pushover!!! First off, I am anti-spanking. I don't believe in hitting children. I have a 4 1/2 year old.

First off, there is no negotiating. You need to put your foot down and keep it there. This is my line of discipline with my daughter. I rarely ever have to take away her stuff now.

Bedtime is bedtime. When it's time for bed, she gets one free get out of bed card. Sometimes 2 if I am feeling nice... Before I kiss her good night, I say, "What's the rule for bed?" "She now responds with, "Lose ....." and she will specify what she is willing to lose for the night if she gets out of bed. Her favorite blankey, favorite doll etc. I can honestly remember the last time I had to take it. Here's how we got there. (This is the same for all unacceptable behaviors) If she keeps getting out of bed, pick her up and put her right back in. No matter how angry she gets. Keep stating the rules to her, offer her a night light in case she is scared, but keep her in her bed no matter what. It may take 20 times, and twenty "favorite things", but she will eventually get tired and fall asleep. If you keep it up, she will learn who is in control. You.

I do a 1-2-3. On 3 she gets the forwarned consequence. She talks back, I say, "I don't appreciate you being disrespectful, and that is unacceptable. The next time you are disrespectful, you go to time out." If she is disrespectful again, she goes to time out. I then tell her the next time she will lose her "Main blankey." When she loses her main blankey, it goes in time out - where she can see it - but she can't reach it. She only gets it back by earning it back with respectful behavior. We never give it back right away, usually overnight.

When I went through the training on this my daughter was about 2 1/2 I think. It really was a war between us for awhile. I stayed calm, and I filled a garbage bag with time out toys. But, I will tell you, with all of her screaming and yelling, I won the battle. I never ever gave in.

Within about 1 week she stayed in bed. And even today, when she gets mouthy or disrespectful, or tries to ignore me, I will tell her what I don't like and I will let her pick her consequence. If she does do it again, I give her the 1, maybe the 2. But, I almost never get to 3. I can honestly tell you, I am proud of her behavior. She is a very good kid. And we get a lot of compliments on how polite and well behaved she is. And it's only because we set the ground rules and stand by them.

You can do it!

Answer 9

Hi.. we must be twins.. LOL
I take care of my boyfriends two kids.. 2 and 3 (or has he says .. almost 4)

Anyway these kids are definatly attention getters and i've learned when u give a kid attention.. negative or positive .. they feed on it.

When his ALMOST 4 year old throws a fit or refuses something I SIMPLY IGNORE him. I emphisize ignore because thats what has to be done. Dont reward or punish for bad bahavior because in a child who testing limits.. any attention for them is good.

Put her in bed as usually.. the whole goodnight .. kiss.. I love u etc. as you normally would. When she gets out of bed wait a few minutes and walk in .. place her in bed and walk out. Dont talk to her... just ignore her. I bet it will work.. but it may take a few times. She will eventually get the hint that you arent going to speak to her and not going to tolerate her getting up to play.. or whatever.. etc.
When she is bad during the day and you have ask her.. or told her to stop or whatever numerous times.. place her in the corner and ignore her.. if she gets out .. put her back in.. but dont speak to her.. just ignore her.
I know it sounds really lame but I saw it on the Nanny and its really worked for me.

Hope you have the same luck!

Answer 10

What we did with our first when we were desperate to get him sleeping on time, on his own, and through the night before our second came along, was put the mattress on the floor, basically have everything else out of the room and totally child proofed, and use a child proof lock on the inside. We also made the room completely dark. A couple of nights were tough and he fell asleep by the door, but probably after a week we got the bedtime routine down.