I asked the bishop at my church if she (yes it's a she) could marry my fiance and I and she said I have to take 8 marriage counseling classes and the fee is $500 Is this the going rate? Believers, Is there a certain protocol like I mean If I belong to a Church does my Bishop have to marry me or can I get someone else to? $500 is alot of money considering a wedding is expensive enough. Am I wrong for getting someone else to marry me? I would like answers from people who have facts on this matter not those who will criticize the situation. Your thoughts?
2007-12-02 14:51:54 · 29 answers · asked by mariposa 3 in Society & Culture ➔ Religion & Spirituality
non denominational church (protestant)
2007-12-02 15:09:29 · update #1
Unless you are set on having that Bishop marry you, you might look else where for either a different pastor to marry you, or marry in a different church.
I'm not suggesting you leave your church altogether, but I'm very sure you can find someone else who would be more accommodating.
When my husband and I married, at the last minute, the pastor of my church was called out of town and the associate pastor was not able to marry us, so we asked around and found a very sweet man from a different church and denomination who came to our home church and married us instead.
Just put the situation in God's hands and let Him take care of the matter for you. Trust in Him, and expect great things.
2007-12-02 15:00:35 · answer #1 · answered by Linda J 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
My personal policy is to insist on giving counseling session before marrying someone - I feel if they don't want me to ask as a pastor they shouldn't be asking a pastor to marry them!
On the other hand, the price seems a little steep to me. Does it include the use of a cathedral or large church building that needs to be fixed up, heated, etc.?
My policy is to offer the counseling session free of charge - I am a pastor and already receive a salary from my church. If I were a professional counselor it would be different.
Church members I marry free of charge as well. People who have no church connection I usually charge a nominal amount - around $100.00 for the marriage itself. But I don't think I would insist on it. Usually people expect to pay something. The reason I charge non church-going people is I don't want to be considered to be in the marrying business. My first interview is actually an evaluation to see if I really want to marry them - or if I am really the person to do it for them. (For instance, if they are obviously not interested in getting any counseling, and submit to it with the idea of "let's get this over with" I would suggest they find someone else who doesn't insist on counseling.
2007-12-02 23:00:10 · answer #2 · answered by Mr Ed 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
My church had ONE counseling session, and it was free (although we DID pay for the wedding itself to be held there). It depends on the church and the religion. If you are not bent on doing it at THIS church, then I suggest shopping around. Otherwise, weddings are expensive anyway. What's another $500 if this is what you want?
Either way, I wish you luck!
p.s. One other thing to consider: churches are not profit organizations, but they still have to make a living. If they don't charge you the $500, which is really only $63 a session (try getting professional counseling for that much in a secular setting!). These places have to function somehow, and this is one way that some of them do it.
2007-12-02 22:54:52 · answer #3 · answered by Mr. Taco 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Every church handles this issue differently--some offer the counseling for free, others roll it into the cost of reserving the church. You can find someone else to perform the ceremony, but if you're planning to marry in the church they may insist that you use the bishop.
To me, $500 seems steep for counseling they're requiring. However, I understand why they require counseling. If I were performing marriage ceremonies, I'd want some confidence that the marriage was going to stick, which is what the counseling is for.
2007-12-02 22:56:11 · answer #4 · answered by BAMAMBA 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I think that's it's great that they tell you to take some classes, our church had us do a session before they would marry us. However, they told us a monetary donation was suggested at $160.. nothing was required from us except to buy the materials for our marriage course. We did make the donation because I understand that churches are non-profit and depend on the congregation to support them. If I were you I would look around for other churches, you can go to Yahoo and type in Marriage counseling and see what you can find.
Congrats on getting married I hope you are happy and blessed!!
2007-12-02 23:08:57 · answer #5 · answered by Loli 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Most churches encourage premarital counseling (a great idea, I think. We did it.), and some require it. I've never heard of anyone being charged for it. In our case, we selected a couple that we respected, had been married for many years, and had raised godly children. We each purchased a recommended workbook and went through it with them as our guides. It was very helpful. In other cases, I've known of the minister giving premarital counseling, without charge.
I don't think it's wrong to choose another person to marry you if this doesn't fit into your budget. But I would encourage you to pursue a course that would allow you to have counseling in some way or another. And do consider that if a minister spends time counseling you for free before the wedding, you might want to consider giving him or her some extra towards the fee or honorarium that you give them for performing your ceremony as a thank you.
2007-12-02 22:59:20 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
We paid about the same, Presbyterian church, non-members.
It has changed over the years.
Personally, I see this as a service. No charge should be made.
There should be something for the sexton, the organist, perhaps a nice monetary donation to the minister, but the charges, and I mean CHARGES are outrageous.
There ARE other avenues, other churches.
What matters is the vow, and your intentions to keep them, and that God recognizes them.
All else is extra.
That's a sloppy horrible way to put it. But that's right, I think.
You can get married anywhere you choose, if the time is available.
2007-12-02 23:01:38 · answer #7 · answered by Jed 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No, there isn't anything wrong for getting someone else to marry the two of you, in the churches that i know of it isn't a protocol... but i'm talking about christian churches. Besides, if your spouse has a different church they go to... God won't hate you, i promise. I don't know what the going rate is, but you're right, marriage is expensive enough.
2007-12-02 22:56:43 · answer #8 · answered by draconislei 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
my church (catholic) requires classes but there is no charge (in my parrish) and the wedding also has no charge but a donation is accepted. They will not deny doing the wedding on money issues like that. A lot of people choose to donate between 100 and 500 to the parrish. If you do not belong to the parrish there could be a direct charge. I am not sure how protestants do it but if you told your bishop that you could not afford that could she bring the cost down? It seems a little high to require that.
2007-12-02 22:56:14 · answer #9 · answered by Sara M 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Well, I am Baptist and we give the minister a small love offering for his time and trouble. It can range from $25 to $50 to much more for a larger wedding. You would be just as married if you tried that as you would be if you were married by the bishop. Just a thought.
2007-12-02 22:56:55 · answer #10 · answered by judyarb1945 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋