My husband & kids treat me like I am a slave?

Question

I cook and clean and they don't care about my feelings. They are 18, 17 and 15. They expect me to cook clean and buy everything for them which I do. I have also a problem with alcohol. I have drank heavily most of my adult life. I feel like I can't do it on my own. Alls my family can do is hurt me not help me. I feel like sometimes i just wanna die.

What should I do ? =(

Answer 1

Go to AA meetings.

Answer 2

first look at yourself.
Go to church.
get counseling for yourself
meet good friends
get involved with the school volunteer as a yard duty
volunteer at church.
go to night school
The more you do things and fill up a calender with phone numbers dates the family might see improvement and leave you alone.
Go to a teachers learning store after you get a few things started and buy some of those wall signs like in kindergarten. Quiet.
shoes off. be friendly.
I did that and their has been a little improvement in my family.
take limits on video games and tv
go to zoos and small outings as a family together.
Dinners together at home as well.
good luck.
And stop drinking.
Joanne
Get baptised when you are done
god bless you.

Answer 3

They are just used to you doing almost everything for them, and fixing every little problems that they encounter.

Here are some tips that should help you:

Instead of yelling at them (like my mom does all the time and it's making it worse for me now) Let them know, ok.
Take a day off, and show them how to do their laundry (if they don't know how) how to cook simple things.
If they don't want to clean their room, then instead of yelling at them, convince them somehow. Give them a prize at the end.

If you have a problem with alcohol, then what I recommend is that you slowly decrease your consumption of alcohol.
If you can't seem to do that, then there's always some sort of therapy, but they might just tell you to do the same thing anyways.

It may be hard, but you can accomplish it! :)

Answer 4

Oh boy, this is awful. You have reached saturation on this one. The kids need to be independent. This involves knowing the basics (house cleaning, cooking for themselves.) Nothing in your home will change unless you do. Why on earth would the family lift a finger for themselves when they have you to do it. I would discuss the changes you have in mind first with your husband. So he knows what is going to happen. And then let the family know altogether that you are no longer available to do xyz, that they'll need to do it for themselves etc...

See if taking control of your life and your integrity gets rid of the drinking problem. If it does not go to aa.

Answer 5

I have a simular feeling........ I don't have a alcohol problem, but I do feel everything is thrown on me and no one takes a second look but my oldest child.She was my easy one. Helpful when not working, and courteous about others and what she gives or gets. The rest are making sure to let me know teens are harder than that!!

My husband runs his own business so he isn't here much. I get all the chores and running. Not alot of help. My children are 22, 18, 17, 15. I can relate!!

I feel overwhelmed often and stressed alot. Some days seem a bigger battle trying to get help than to just do it myself. I get help taking out the trash and feeding pets. I do everything else inside and out with the exception my boys been helping with lawn work.

We have been making them work for money but most times they go to my husbands business to work. I also do all the running and shopping.

Make some rules. Rooms clean before extra activities, clean house before running them (only one of mine has a license). You can take everything but food and heat and a roof over their heads as you do NOT owe them more and make them earn the rest. If you stick to it, they will want more and give in. Make it clear it takes all of us to keep the house upas we all mess it up and also all live in it. If you really set yourself stern on cracking down , it can get better if you don't give in and can stick it out until they see it your way......Its hard at those ages with so many I do know.


Try getting them to think about the rest of their lives, what they want, what they'd like to have, and how they expect to get it. Ask them what interest they have in employment field. Tell them they need to decide something they really enjoy as it will be a part of their lives always unless change is made. Set their minds to being producitve and thinking about their futres and how they will accomindate what they'd like them to contain. Point out ways they can do good and ways they won't and the things it takes to get where they want ot be and compare it to their routes now and how it effects them later and that they are all close to leaving the nest and how important it will be to them to get these things and be able to care for themselves and to have jobs they like and the whoel 9 yards.

Take some of that weight off your shoulders and distribute it around. If they won't help then say you quit too. Don't clean, make dinner, wash laundry absolutly nothing. It will take a few days but they will miss the way it was and want some of those things back. Let them see if they don't appreciate you you won't be doing what you don't have to!!! Shock them! Stand up scream I've had enough, I'll be back when I feel like it and leave. You do that a few times they will respond to it to.


Good luck and know it won't last forever.

Answer 6

Your self worth is up to you to decide. Not your family to provide for you.

Do you feel that what you do is important to the family unit?
Could just anyone fill your position in the family?
Would you WANT someone else to do what you do?

If you feel you are doing an important job, then it shouldn't take someone telling you that you are needed. You know it.

It sounds as if you need a little appreciation. Have a long talk with your husband......without the alcohol.

Answer 7

first off you need to put you foot down, which you should have done years ago, but lates better then never! stop doing so much for them , tell your kids to get jobs if they want stuff, telll your husband he needs to grow up and repsect you, and help you around the house...

as for the drinking, there are so many things out there to help! look online for local help, or in the fone book, for AA, go to a meeting, explain what your drinkings like, and that you want help, they can recomend a good counselor for you, and you can start your steps to recovery. don't give up, its the drinking makin you depressed, so you will find once you stop drinking, you will love life more!

good luck.

Answer 8

How about all the pain and suffering your abuse of alcohol has caused them?
How about the times they needed you and you were passed out?Or verbally abusive towards them?
Yeah they should help out, but if you didnt teach them to as they were growing up, its about too late to start now.
You say you buy everything for them.Stop!Make them earn their own money especially the 18 yr old!I know kids who are 15-17 who work AND go to school.
You're right when you say you can't quit drinking on your own.
I used to know a guy who ran rehab classes.He and all the rehabs I have visited all say the same thing.95% failure rate.
Out of 5% that DO make it 3% makes it because of GOD and NEVER return tot, 1% dies and the other strugles until the day they die with the desire, the other 3% are delivered from it.GOD cares about you and what your going through AND about your family.IF you will turn to HIM with all your heart and obey HIM,HE can AND will deliver you and help you to get your family straightened out, maybe not overnight but in time hon.There has to be some healing time on your part and your family's part
If you get a chance, read John 3:1-5 and Acts 2:38.Get in touch with a United Pentecostal church they have a program for alcoholics and drug addicts that works..

Answer 9

You go on strike. You flat out tell them. I will be checking into a hotel for one week and you will be doing everything. When I come back there will be changes or I don't come back.

Answer 10

tell them to stop be a lazy *** and help you more often. if that fails then go on strike for a month and use that time for yourself and leave your husband and kids to fend for themselves during that month.