My Stepmom and I are fighting lots, I dont want her to hate me..?

Question

My dad married my stepmom last year, and I have come to really enjoy her company. She is the only mom that i have ever had, and up until she came along I had no females in my life, except for the occasional girlfriend of my dads. recenlty, tho, we have been arguing a bit. Not major stuff, but I feel like she is going to start hating me if I keep fighting with her. I dont do it on purpose, the fights just happen. Like the other day I didnt finsh my homework and we ended up fighting. then we got in a fight over supper one night when I didnt like what we having and wouldn't eat it. Today i got in trouble by her when we went to church. it was after church, and I was talking to some of my friends. my stepmom told me to come on, and before I could stop myself i snapped at her "i'll be there when i am through talking!" then she came over to me and grabbed my arm and pulled me to the car. she started yelling at me about respect and stuff. I know that i shouldnt have.....

have said anything back to her like I did, but I feel like she is ALWAYS mad at me about something. is this normal? I have never had a mother. so I really dont know, I dont want her to hate me. I love her, she has been my stepmom for 15 months. I am 14. I think that she likes me too, I just worry about all the fighting we are doing.

My dad really isnt one to punish me, or yell, he never has been one to do that. Even when it was just me and him

Answer 1

you don't have to be ashamed for what you have said... I mean.. if she wants to be considered as a mom.. she has to realize.. teenagers cock off. and besides that.. you don't want to be afraid of her...

I'm 18 and have a step dad.. and when i used to live with my mom and he said something to me.. i'd backfire because i'd rather have my mom say something to me and not some guy that i barely know.

but it's a shame that in front of your friends that she'd grab your arm and not your dad...especially during teenage years.. that has to be very embarassing.

Answer 2

Sweetie, she's not going to hate you. I have a 16yo bonus daughter (I like that better than step :)) and have been in her life since she was 7. Mothers and daughters don't always get along...my daughter does things sometimes that make me want to pop her cute little head like a grape (figuratively speaking, of course) but NOTHING could ever make me hate her or stop loving her. I will always love her like she's my daughter and I'm sure your step mom feels the same way. Try talking to her and sharing your fears. Another thing that really helped my daughter and myself was counseling. I had never had a child before my bonus kids and we needed help realizing what one anothers expectations were. We also respond and communicate VERY differently and there are a lot of misunderstandings. Just remember that bio moms and bio daughters fight too...the fact that you are fighting doesn't make you guys any less mother and daughter. I do agree with some of the posts that urge you to show a little more respect. Especially about dinner. Hon, she took the time to make dinner, you need to eat it. If you don't like it, you don't have to eat a lot of it, but you need to eat it. It's showing respect and consideration for her efforts and time.

Answer 3

Sounds no longer elementary on the two factors of the fence. possibly merely sitting down along with her sometime once you the two are in a non violent temper and not something heated is going on and merely ask her what are her expectancies of you. How does she envision the relationship, and so on. enable her comprehend which you have an pastime in having a non violent residing house. Ask her if she's keen to talk approximately issues that have been bothering you latterly too. enable her comprehend which you do no longer propose any disrespect yet which you merely want mutual understanding. hopefully that's truthfully all that's going to take is a sprint verbal replace in the process the non violent moments. :) solid success!! seems such as you do in actual fact care approximately one yet another, that's merely getting accustomed on your new roles that's a sprint awkward.

Answer 4

I must congratulate you for being such a wise and intelligent young lady. I admire you for wanting to be the best stepdaughter and I do know that mothers get angry sometimes and the kids are the beneficiaries of the anger. Don't take the quarrels personally and don't react with anger. You are pretty smart and you can control yourself most times. I know its difficult sometimes but dont try to antagonize her. You will one day be an adult and you will understand. You only have a few more years at home, enjoy and make it easy for yourself and those around you. Keep up the good behaviour and you are such a treat to listen to.
Good luck and trust God to take care of all things.

Answer 5

You can add fibbing to that list hon.You said the fights "just happen".
Not exactly.You said you didnt finish your homework and she responded to that.That didnt "just happen"it was a result of you not finishing your homework hon.She cares enough that she wants you to do well in school.I wish to GOD MY parents had taken that kind of interest in me during my school years but they didnt.
After cooking supper I am sure she felt like you were saying "I am too good to eat what I do not like".You ever get hungry enough you'll eat about anything, I know.
You snapped at her at CHURCH!In front of everyone!
You are the one who needs to get a grip hon.She may not be your BIO mom, but obviously she DOES care about you and if she WAS your bio mom I can guarantee she would STILL be doing the same thing your step mom is doing when dealing with you.Now, quit giving her crap and try to make her proud of you.I bet you'll both be happier!

Answer 6

I think you should copy your question and show it to her. You should be telling her this, not us. First, you have a new mom. That takes some time to get used to. Second, she has a new daughter, and that takes some time to get used to. You are both in new situations that you have never been in before. Maybe you 2 can get together and help "teach" each other. Third, it is part of life for children to fight with parents. Children start to assert their independence, parents object when challenged. I had horrendous fights with my parents. One of our children had horrendous fights with us. But, we worked it out, so can you. Try for just the 2 of you and don't stick your dad in the middle. Good luck with your new family.