I need advice on talking with my friend about her relationship.?

Question

My friend is 14 and she is going out with a 12 yr old.when she did "something" with him she felt bad

she thinks that she is corupting him. she has done stuff with older guys but sense he is young she feels that she should of waited. I dont know really what to say to her or how to talk about it with her. i dont know if i should tell her its alright. or she should wait a little while. thanks for your help!!

Answer 1

First, here is the pure biological, scientific fact:

Emotionally boys are immature up until around age 19-24, depending how fast there hormones develop them.

Girls are more emotionally mature than boys but not necessarily mature for their age. Female hormones develop faster than boys.

At the age of 14, I think your friend is confusing "love" and "fooling around" as a way for boys to like her. This may work for now, but as she gets older, boys begin disrespecting her because in the end, boys want to be able to bring home "good girls" for their parents to meet. I am referring to high school and college. So she will always have boys willing to sleep with her but she may not have boys willing to show her off to their family.

Also, if you do not respect your body, why should you expect anybody else to respect you? She feels this way because as you said, she is feeling guilty. That is a good sign as she knows she has a line she should not cross. She needs to keep that thinking.

I would tell her, "since you are feeling guilty, then you probably should stop and wait until you know it will be more serious, which means you really like each other after dating for 6 months or more. If he doesn't like it, then you have your answer, he was only after you for fooling around and he ain't worth it."

Now as an adult point of view, I think she should just be enjoying life and not be doing any "somethings" at all and wait until she is much older to handle such adult emotions, which allows her to know when to share herself and when she should not with the right guy who likes her for her personality and mind and not just her body and sex.

If she insists on doing "something", she needs to protect herself against Sexually Transmitted Diseases (STD) that can tear up your female parts for life, getting pregnant which can change your life for the rest of your life (plus the dad is forever a part of yours and the baby's life whehter you like it or not), and the emotional loss when relationships don't work out because you then feel used. AIDS will kill you slowly and painfully. so it is always best to know your partner and their sexual health history before sleeping together

I am not here to judge even though the age startles me but hopefully the scenario answer helps you with your concern

Did you know? As a female, you will have a 90% chance of getting a male to agree to sleep with you, but as a male, he may have only a 40%-60% chance of getting a female to agree.

So as a female, she holds a huge sexual power. Use it wisely and don't abuse it to the point no man respects her.

Answer 2

I think it is a little strange for a 14 yr old to be dating a 12 year old. When I was 14 first off I was not dating, second off I was interested in boys a little older than me, never younger. It seems strange. And she is wayyyy to young to be 'doing stuff' with any boys.

Answer 3

Ok. Not sure what "something" means, but if it felt bad, then it probably was. Here's a bit of advice. If she's not 18, and did something that "felt bad", the most likely it was. Just tell her what she did was ILLEGAL and if anyone other than you finds out about it, trouble may come her way. It doesn't matter if both parties were younger than 18, it's still ILLEGAL. Just tell her you're worried about her and if that doesn't work, then she probably shouldn't be your friend.

Answer 4

Why would she have to resort to dating someone 2 years younger? If she feels like she is corrupting him, then she probably is. She needs to slow down regardless of his being 12, because she is only 14 herself. I sense that your friend may be devoloping a reputation and it might not be one she can tell her mom about with pride.

Answer 5

shes 14 and hes 12? tell them to concentrate on school and make the grades so they get into a good college. They can do "stuff" together in the future, there are plenty of years to get pregnant later in life.

Answer 6

Tell her that if what she is doing or did is bothering her than stay away from it. and kids that are that young do tend to want to see what its like thats why its up to the parents to lecture them on why its important to wait to until they are Mature to do things that are sexually seductive because although the kids think its ok to do these kind of things its very un-pure to get into things like that especially if you are young and aren't ready for the consequences that could possibly come their way.

Answer 7

personally, i think 12 is way to young and i dont know why she's interested in him, but 12 year olds do stuff with other 12 year olds, so she should just go by how ready HE feels. if he feels that he's ready, she shouldnt feel bad.

Answer 8

first of all, your friend being 14 is too young herself to be doing "things" with multiple people already. this is a hard question to answer because i can't imagine being with a 12 year old! but no, i don't think it's ok. she's too young herself and HE is definitely way too young.

Answer 9

that's really young to be doing a whole lot of anything... she needs to wait. he's too young, not to mention inexperienced. just because she's done it with (key word here: older) guys doesn't make it okay to do with a 12 year old.

Answer 10

don't tell her its alright because she shouldn't be having sex in the first place, but im sure she will end up doing what she wants to do. I suggest that you reveal to her the pros and the cons of the situation she is currently in and let her figure out what she wants to do. I don't think you should stress out about this situation because this is not you snake to wrestle.