am i a bad parent for doing this??

Question

my son is 9 months old and always wants me to put him to sleep or let him sleep with me and for the past couple of days i have been giving him a bath every night then putting him in his crib letting him cry in his crib till he falls asleep but i go in there about every 15 minutes to let him know he is ok. it has been taking him about an hour in a half to fall asleep. the reasson why im asking if im a bad parent or not is because my family and friends are telling me i am they say just to let him sleep with me and i dont want that, ive seen kids still 13 sleepping in there parents room, i personally think that is a little old to be doing that.. thanks for the responses. have a great night.

Answer 1

I agree with most other responses I did this with 3 kids who are all very independent now at 17,18,28 it does not hurt the baby but each night you might want to go back a little later each night until not at all. If he continues to cry try this trick....take a favorite blanket or stuffed toy he sleeps with and rub it all over your shirt so it smells like you. At that young age he is in tuned with your scent and it will help to calm fears knowing you are there even if it's only in scent!

Answer 2

Well,,,, he's only 9 months, baby's at that gae are suppose to be in their crib...

Never let him sleep with you because maybe you sleep on a regular bed, and baby's at that gae crawl a lot, so they can easily fall and get hurt.

You should probably move the crib into your room, and stay there with him till he falls asleep, cause you never know, something could happen.

Never let him cry because when more he grows up, he'll have the habit of crying and you do not want that.

I say you are a bad parent...

Not to be rude or anything. But I don't mean to hurt you.
I'm just answering your question.

Answer 3

First off, you are not a bad parent. Some people will say, just let him sleep in the room with you until he is ready. Well, he will NEVER be ready. The longer you wait to make him sleep in his own bed in his own room, the harder it will get.
What you are doing sounds about the same as how my pediatrician taught us how to get our baby to sleep through the night. My daughter is 10 months. When she cries, let her cry for 5 minutes (or however long you can stand it. If you can do it for 15, go for it.) Go into his room and pick him up. Do not move from in front of the crib. Once he is quieted down, put him back in the crib. Even if he starts crying, leave the room and start over. Each night wait one more minute from the last night. He should learn to put himself back to sleep. Our doctor told us, it might happen gradually, but will probably just happen all of the sudden one night.

Answer 4

Laws aside, I don't see much difference between drinking alcohol and smoking pot. I certainly wouldn't consider a casual drinker a "bad parent", so I don't see how it makes sense to consider a casual pot smoker a "bad parent." Obviously pot can be harmful to your health. So can drinking alcohol, eating a terrible diet, not exercising, etc.... And although I think people should make healthy choices for the sake of their kids, I certainly don't think that they are automatically "bad parents" when they don't. The reality is that eating Big Macs and fries everyday is going to ruin your health a lot faster than smoking pot a few times a month. Now, the legal issue is more complicated, in my opinion. First of all, if you ever get caught with pot, the legal consequences are going to affect everyone in your family. That really isn't fair to the kids. Second, if you get caught (or even if your kids simply find out that you smoke), your credibility is out the window. That also isn't fair.

Answer 5

You are not a bad parent. But whatever you do, DON'T read Babywise. That book promotes cruelty to children. Rock him, go in there and give him a paci, love him. Crying a little won't hurt him. But an hour and a half of crying must seem like forever to a nine month old. If you want a book about getting babies to sleep, try something by Dr. Sears.

Answer 6

No, you are defintaely not a bad parent for teaching your child good sleep habbits. Eventually he will learn to sooth himself to sleep. It probably won't take more than 1 1/2 weeks of being very consistent. Some people just can't hear a child cry and think it's the end of the world. It's better for him to learn to sleep by himself and it is healthier for you and your husbands/boyfriends relationship as well.

When my oldest daughter was 17 months old, I finally put her in her own crib and had to let her cry it out for a couple of nights. After that, she had no problem and it was the best thing I could have done for her and for myself and my marriage. It's a little hard to be intimate with your husband when there is a baby in your bed, LOL. I only wish I would have done it sooner. With my 2 other children, I refused to go down that same path and put them in their cribs right away. And I have terrific sleepers.

You are on the right path, hold your ground and tell your family members that it's healthier for your child to have good sleep habbits, and it's not the end of the world for a baby to cry!!! Good luck.

Answer 7

I did the cry it out method with my oldest about this age. I was so tired, getting up constantly with her, (I never had her in bed with me, cause I was so scared of smothering her) At nine months I'd had enough, we were in college and it was the end of a semester, all our neighbors just happened to be graduating and we had no classes so we went for it. I would leave the apartment and let my husband do the comforting because it broke my heart. It took close to two hours the first night, then gradually lessened. I must say it worked and I felt so much better! I did it with my second child earlier, but it was still hard. My son however is a different story,15 months, still not sleeping through the night, so I'll probably be joining you soon.

Answer 8

You're not a bad parent, you're a parent who wants to foster independence in their child and have their bedroom back!! Completely normal.

However at 9 months it's going to take probably a week or two of consistency before he learns that he is sleeping in his crib no matter how much he fusses. Just be strong as I know how hard it is to listen to your baby cry, especially when you know how to stop it.

He's old enough to have one small soft toy such as a bear or other stuffed toy to sleep with. If he has a favorite it might help him to have it with him. You could also try a suckie or a blankie. Essentially baby just needs to learn how to self soothe in order to fall asleep and having a favorite cuddly thing to sleep with will help.

Hang in there! And tell family to but out, you're Mommy and Mommy knows best!

Answer 9

I don't think you are a bad parent. This is an issue old as the ages. I think your people calling you a bad parent are in need of counseling.


I think you are doing the right thing. I would suggest that every day or three you extend the time from 15 to 20 to 25 minutes. He'll go to sleep sooner, and sleep through the night.

Answer 10

Here's my advice -- worked for my mom, seems very wise to me:

I would assume that after your bath, the baby's probably not incredibly tired (it does also take him a long time to fall asleep, as you are aware) -- possibly even a bit more awake from it! So what about spending some time with him to help lull him to sleep? My mom's trick was to sing us a lullaby while rocking us to sleep -- and once we were out, she would very carefully lay us in our crib.

It doesn't work for every kid -- my brother was often quick to wake up as soon as she started to get up -- but it seems like a pretty sure bet to me.

So I guess it's sort of a compromise! Don't completely ignore him, but don't completely devote your attention to him throughout the night either. You're right that he needs not to get too attached to the idea of sleeping with the adults, and I think they're right that you ought to take a bit of a different approach.

Hope it works out! As a side note, I don't think you're a bad mom. You are very concerned for your child -- that's a lot right there. :)