Is it rude for my sister not to invite my long term girlfriend to her wedding? I know that it is "her day" in all but I find it extremelly rude. I almost do not want to go to her wedding because her attitude when she told me she was not allowing me to bring my girlfriend. Is it rude for me to decline my sister's invitation and not go to the wedding?
2007-12-02 12:21:06 · 71 answers · asked by Justin W 1 in Society & Culture ➔ Etiquette
Yeah, that is rude that your sister is not willing to allow you to bring your gf w/ you.....kind of harsh...i would still go to her wedding...i mean, it's your sister after all, but somehow, tell and ask her why you can't bring your girlfriend with you.
2007-12-02 12:23:33 · answer #1 · answered by Coolio A 5 · 5⤊ 4⤋
You really don't offer enough information to properly answer this question. Is your sister allowing anyone to bring guests to the wedding? If not, this is simply a budget issue, and it's not necessarily "rude," just impractical. But it's a lot more polite for her to let you know that your long-term girlfriend cannot come along with you as a guest rather than picking and choosing which people can bring guests with them to the wedding. If it's a personal issue with your girlfriend, it might be somewhat rude, but you don't provide the information for anyone else to make that determination. It is her day, and it is your sister, so I would be the bigger person either way and go to her wedding.
2007-12-03 03:11:09 · answer #2 · answered by JenV 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
When people are invited to a wedding it is with a guest. If you are married it is a spouse. If you are not it is with a guest. Since this is your long term girlfriend I find it rude. It being her day does not give her the right to be rude. If you do not want to go , decline the invitation. You do not have to let people treat you how you do not want to be treated. You cannot go and leave her at home and feel good. Your sister should be ashamed.
2007-12-02 17:42:49 · answer #3 · answered by kim h 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Well it depends....did your sister want her wedding to be strictly a family affiar.
If so then it is not rude.
If thats not the case your sister and your girlfriend could have some diffrences and your sister has a right to have a stress free wedding day. Do not decline your sisters invite because that will cause further tension between your sister and your girlfriend. Because your sister will think your girlfriend kept you from going and that will be a big mess that im sure you would like to avoid. So talk to your girlfriend and go to your sisters wedding. After the wedding and honeymoon when all that blows over talk to your sister about it but not untill then. Make this time as happy as you can for your sister
2007-12-02 12:27:17 · answer #4 · answered by Mr.Gemini 2 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Your sister has the right to invite or not invite anyone she wishes. You also have the right to accept or decline the invitation. You definitely should not bring your girlfriend to the wedding against your sister's wishes. But you should consider carefully before you decide not to go to the wedding yourself. It's your sister's wedding, and if you don't go you and she might regret it for a long, long time. In fact, it seems like not going to the wedding might do more to hurt your girlfriend's reputation with the family than going (because they will say "She's such a bad influence on him," etc.)
2007-12-03 05:19:15 · answer #5 · answered by drshorty 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I hope you come back soon and fill us in as to what you know about your sister's feelings. You mentioned "her attitude when she told you she was not allowing me to bring my girlfriend." Can you give some details about what her attitude was like?
Just brainstorming about reasons: Perhaps you give your girlfriend all of your attention when you're with her, maybe going off in a corner by yourselves, and your sister wants to make sure she has some of your attention on her wedding day.
Perhaps your sister thinks your girlfriend is way hotter than she is and doesn't want to feel like someone else is the Belle of the Ball.
Perhaps her fiance has made a comment about your girlfriend that left your sister feeling jealous of her.
Perhaps your sister is afraid of telling your specifics about not wanting your girlfriend there because she is afraid they would be inflammatory and you would resent her.
Perhaps your girlfriend stole her maid-of-honor's boyfriend ten years ago and that girl has told your sister, "Either she is not invited or else you can find yourself a new maid-of-honor."
Ask your sister if $$ is the only consideration and offer to pay the per-plate charge as well as, say, $30 for the bar, for your girlfriend.
What does your girlfriend have to say about all this? If you are pretty serious about her and think you want to marry her one day, then you should let your sister know that so she realizes that excluding her could lead to a lot of resentment down the road when this girlfriend becomes family.
Good luck! Fill us in.
2007-12-02 14:16:59 · answer #6 · answered by Coral Maze 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Others have asked good, pertinent questions about this situation- is it any date, or is it just this one girlfriend she doesn't want?
Etiquette is the lubricant we need for society. It's what soothes difficult times, and it behooves each one to be as kind as possible in each situation.
You cited "her attitude" when you said your sister won't allow your girlfriend. Siblings frequently have gripes among each other. Brides-to-be may need to be more "in control" with this one particular day, so she may be doing a bit of a pissing contest with you. "It's MY day, not yours" is understandable. But what she's overlooking is that you are her brother, and she'll need to keep YOU happy for the rest of her life.
Like others suggested, I'd try to see what the problem is with her. Is it merely the cost of one more plate? This could be so. If it is, be understanding. Sure, you could offer to pay for your date, but then you're in the messy world of "You're worth this much to me, not a penny more." Is it something else- has your girlfriend been rude to your sister? Real or imaginary, this could happen, too.
Now think about what you should do. You've asked nicely what the problem is. Your sister has given you an answer. Should you go to her wedding anyway? Yes, definitely. Why? Well, there's going to be a day when you'll be getting married (maybe even to the insulted girlfriend) and you'll be facing a wedding of your own. Will you want your sister at your wedding? Sure you would.
It's about doing the right thing- ask what's going on in your sister's mind, then go anyway because you may want her at your wedding one day. Even if your sister is less than decent (in your mind) about this, you'll come out ahead if you are more decent than she. Go to the wedding and be nice to your sister.
And if it turns out that you go without your girlfriend, try to do something special for your girlfriend. Show her that you care for her, even if your sister is less than friendly. One day your sister will have to reflect on her decisions and perhaps apologize to your current girlfriend. No one knows for sure what tomorrow will bring, even your sister.
2007-12-02 12:47:46 · answer #7 · answered by going_for_baroque 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If your sister is not friends with her or doesn't like her she is spending money on food and beverages at her reception for somebody she doesn't like. Maybe you could ask her why your girlfriend isn't invited, there may be a better reason then you think.
It would be too costly if just anybody was allowed to go, plus she already has the amount of guests coming planned. Weddings are very stressful, I'm sure her intentions weren't to be rude; she just wants EVERYTHING to be perfect, including the budget and guestlist =]
It wouldn't be rude of you to decline her invitation, but I'm sure you'll regret it.
Go and have a good time, I'm sure your girlfriend will understand.
2007-12-02 12:29:56 · answer #8 · answered by ashley 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
The wedding is about your sister and her husband. Most women want their wedding to be perfect. If she and your girl friend have tension between them, it could mess up her day. Weddings are tense enough all ready. Considering how long she's probably been planning this, (for a lot of girls that would be since the first time she heard about weddings lol), you should go. How many times has she been there for you, even when it wasn't convenient?
2007-12-02 12:41:36 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is a tough one. Your sister apparently has issues with your sexual preference and for all intent purposes she can invite whomever she pleases. However, I think it is extremely rude on her part to demand that you show up without a guest, when I am sure other friends and family are able to bring their dates/spouses.
You could decline the invitation for whatever reason, but it may cause a rift within the family. That is what you must decide if it is worth it. On the other hand, I would be inclined to show up for the ceremony and skip the reception if I didn't want to be there without a date.
2007-12-02 12:32:26 · answer #10 · answered by drewxjacobs 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yes it does seem rude. But she also may have financial issues and my only be able to afford so many people per plate at the reception. But if that isn't the reason then I do not understand why she wouldn't allow it. Maybe your girlfriend and her do not get along? In that case no it isn't rude. It all depends on the "why" part of the question of why will she not allow her to come. So I would find out. Good luck.
2007-12-02 12:25:18 · answer #11 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋