Why does my mom force me to do this?

Question

The other night, my mom said that we should start doing a lot of things to improve our family's structure. She said we're going to do things like go to family counseling, have certain chores, help out more with siblings, and go to church.

Well, I don't share her beliefs (the Christian God). I asked her way I had to start going to church. "I don't like your beliefs and I feel going to church will help you come out of this. I'm tired of you being an atheist," was her response.

This pissed me off to no end. So, for the weekend, I went and stayed with my dad. This morning, while my dad and I were cruising around town, she followed us and tried to force me to go to church. I refused, and got back into my dad's vehicle.

Why can't she tolerate my beliefs? It's not doing her any harm. She feels that I'm going to Hell, but she has no room to talk. I feel she is just so mentally brainwashed by wanting to live right (which she doesn't do) and forces us to "live right".

We need help

Actually, I have tried Christianity out (a couple of years ago). I was extreme with it - praying everyday, going to worship everytime I had a chance, and even writing down my appreciation for God in a journal.

But then, I realised it didn't work. He's not there. He'll never be there. He was just made up to give people something to believe in. Everything good that happened to me was the result of what I was doing, not God.

Well, why can't she respect me and not force me to go and listen to crap I don't want to hear? I've heard so much stupid things from these churches: "The liberals and democrats are ruining this country!" or "Don't worry about stopping global warming - it means God is coming back!"
Also, I'm bisexual (something I HONESTLY cannot help) and I've heard so many anti-GLBT things from church. This sickens me and makes me want to blow up! I've told her this - and she doesn't seem to care.

Answer 1

I understand totally where you are at today because I was at the same place at one time. Certain events changed my life and I believe I am the better for it.

It is very easy to understand why young people today do not want to follow in the footsteps of Jesus. All you hear from churches and those attending if you do certain things you are going to Hell. May I be the first to inform you that you will not go to Hell for not attending church. You will not go to Hell for being Bi or gay or lesbian. You will not go to Hell for having sex before marriage and you will not go to Hell for having sex with someone other than your husband after you are married. Does that sound a lot better than what you have been lied to about for all these years?There is only one reason and two commandments you must follow to go to Heaven and be with God. 1 you must have Jesus as your Lord and Savior and you can be bi or gay or lesbian and be saved. 2 you must follow Matt.22:37-40. to love God with all your might and soul and to love your neighbor as your love yourself. If you can truly accept these two concepts you have nothing to worry about. I took me many years to learn the truth of all this. If you still choose not to believe then that is your choice just know this and never forget it, God loves you just as much as He loves the most saved Christian you can think of.

Now if you will only take the time to read the information I have given you here it will explain most everything I have said above.
http://www.libchrist.com/bible/ianity.html
http://www.libchrist.com/bible/premaritalsex.html
http://www.whosoever.org/gayxian/articles.html

Good luck in whatever decision you make but with what I have given you here at least you can confront othes with good knowledge.

Answer 2

You can still hold your atheist beliefs and 'expand your mind'. Your mom views church as one hour of family 'together time'. Go with it. I'm atheist, but I've sucked it up and attended many services to appease parents or grandparents. I'm positive that one day this giant thumb will reach down from the Heavens and squish me (I've heard god is a wrathful guy!).

Part of being atheist is understanding why you are atheist. So, if church really kills you, spend that hour formulating counter arguments to everything the priest says (in your head!).

Don't fight your mom on everything, just try out church, counseling and whatever she throws at you. Maybe you could make church a little better, if your mom promises to take you out for dinner after church.

It's not fair on her if you run to your dad whenever you're not happy. Show your mom that you are tolerant of her beliefs, now it's her turn to tolerate yours.

Then eventually you can move out and never think about church again! You can laugh about all those ridiculous things that you 'learnt' from church.

Answer 3

Okay first of all- completely ignoring the other answers that aren't understanding your situation. The simple fact she can't accept you unless you share her belief is wrong. And I want you to understand that.
But while it seems she's blaming the family for her own problems; the other answers are right in one point--seems the only way to make peace is to negotiate.
"Mom. I'll go to church with you; and I'll talk to all those religious people. I'll give it an honest try. But if I'm not getting the feel of anything we need to discuss this. If I promise to try it though; will you please not force me into other situations that I don't want to be in?"
She lets you be; you try church. If it fails for you in a negative way discuss your beliefs with her and come up with a way you two can live in the same house without hell flooding the world over. It if fails, but in less utterly negative way then she's tried to put you in the situation 'best for you' and she's failed so she should leave your beliefs alone.
Does this help any?

Answer 4

She just loves you and what you to be happy. I am sorry that your previous experience with church and God has not worked out. Personally I think God does exist and he does love you very much. Sometimes it is very hard to feel that, especially when you are growing up. What your mother does not understand is that a relationship with the Lord can not be forced. You have to believe for yourself. Try to talk to her. Perhaps the both of you can come to a compromise. Maybe you can promise to go to church one day a month and on special occasions. Something like that. I understand that her constant interference is not helping and it is very annoying. Maybe you will never believe like she does. Or maybe it will just take you a much longer time. Regardless I hope the best for the both of you. Take care.

Answer 5

When will parents learn that the more they try to force things on kids- the more kids will do the opposite?! *sigh*

The good news is- you have your dad!

How old are you anyway? You have the right to choose your religion! You tried it, and it didn't work for you. You shouldn't have to try it anymore.

Now the counselling part- I think is a good idea....as long as it isn't he Pastor of the church doing the counselling! That will give you a chance to show your mom that you can think for yourself and that she should respect your boundaries.

About the chores and helping out with your siblings...I agree that all members of the household should share.Trust me- being out on your own isn't all it's cracked up to be. (When you have to cook, clean and pay bills all on your own!)

Good luck!

Answer 6

I agree with your Mom about the family counseling and the improved family structure. You may want to go along with her at least on that part of it. The counseling may help her see how she's beating a dead horse on trying to get you to change your religious beliefs.

You have to come to your own beliefs in your own time in your own way. No one can force you to believe anything that doesn't sit right with you. I agree with you on the hypocrisy of organized religions that cast out anyone who is different from them. I don't agree with you on your statement that there's no God. But that's my belief. It took me many years to come to my current beliefs so I respect your journey.

If your mom has custody, you don't have much choice but to do what she tells you to do until you become of age. If your parents have joint custody, you may want to recruit your Dad in helping you help your Mom understand that she's going about the religion thing all wrong. What won't help you is to rebel against her. If you don't like something she decides for you, running to Dad and having him take your side isn't fair to either parent and will hurt you in the long run. A better way to handle it is to have a calm two way conversation about what you're feeling.

You may say your Mom would never have a calm conversation but if you approach her in a mature way and talk to her without attitude or yelling, you may be surprised. Explain to her the reasons you don't feel comfortable going to her church. Tell her about your experience with Christianity and what you ended up feeling about it. You may think she already knows but explain it to her so she can know what's in your mind. Don't expect her to be able to read your mind.

Your Mom is probably scared that you'll end up in hell because you don't go to church. Unfortunately, too many people who go to church don't realize that their thinking is a bit narrow minded. If she can see some changes in your attitude and if you try to communicate with her a little more clearly and maturely, she may relax a little. Give it a try and definitely get her to family counseling. That may be your greatest ally.

Answer 7

Probably because you're still young and she thinks if you don't change now you'll never change, and you'll end up being a sinner the rest of your life. I think if you just act nice, spend time with your family but let it be known your beliefs won't change unless you feel want them too, then maybe she'll understand that your beliefs aren't going to effect who you are.
I think if she doesn't back off, you should see if you can live with your dad, if he's any better.

I hope it helps.

Answer 8

Why dont you give it a go for your own sake.If it does not work out then for you at least you gave it a shot.There is nothing wrong with having certain chores, my daughter has to do chores. As for family counselling its not such a bad idea.Your mum cares about you,Just be grateful.

Answer 9

If you are sure in your atheist 'beliefs' than it will not harm you to show respect to your mother and attend church. Now, maybe you can wiggle out of Sunday school, but please go to church WITH your mom and be respectful to her and her church. And quit playing your parents against each other for what you think you want. When you are with mom, be her child and when you are with dad, be his child.

Answer 10

i understand how you feel i am not religious and would not enjoy being forced to attend church...i am assuming you are underage therefore if the person whom supports you wants you to go to church then youll just have to go until you are able to support yourself...i know it seems life is so rough but believe me doing it all on your own is a lot harder than going to church for an hour once a week.look at it as a learning experience and youll learn things about that religion, especially how hippocratic it is, and can use it later to defend yourself against people who ask you why you are an athiest