My boyfriend and I have been together for 71/2 years. Im 25 and he's 27. He treated me like crap for a very long time, up until he left me for an older woman for 7 months and that was the last straw. We broke up for about 7-8 months and then have been together for about 5 months now. During our break-up 1 year ago I met someone I really like, but wouldn't give him a chance because all I wanted was my boyfriend back. Well, now that I have him back all I can think about is the other guy. So, I broke up with my boyfriend to date the other guy and things are great! However, I still wonder whether I am making the right choice. I wanted my boyfriend back intially so bad, so that must mean that I really do want him and that this new guy is just a fling? I so confused!! My ex is starting to change and he finally wants marriage and a family and all the things I wanted for so long. Should I give him another chance and dump this other guy I am totally into that I have a year invested in?
2007-12-02 11:18:12 · 14 answers · asked by misssac 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
During our 71/2 yr relationship my bf has left me 3 times. I've always taken him back. Now he says he's ready to change, but I obviously have doubts. I said I needed a break to think about things. I, also wanted a break to give the other guy a real chance because I really like him. Things with the new guy are great. I always second guess myself though and now my boyfriend says he will only wait for me if I am not dating anyone else, otherwise he told me to forget it. I waited for him for 7 months while he was sleeping with another woman and it has only been 2 weeks and he says he can't take it anymore that this waiting is tearing him up. (He can't eat,drink,sleep,etc)! I said that I knew exactly what he was going through cause i did it for 7months with him. I love my boyfriend but I don't have a huge urge like Ive had in the past to take him back. And I don't like that he is giving me an ultimatum and that he is unwilling to give me time to think things through. Should i give in?
2007-12-02 11:48:52 · update #1
first of all let me ask you do you love yourself more or your long term relationship boyfriend?
If your answer is "i love him more than i love myself then here is my opinion of your story"
it is so sad that a woman in this day and time who cannot gain the respect and "love" of a immature grown man who's love OR CARE only himself. Everytime he blamed something or someone so he could received the "vacation" from you. and everytime he begged you to take him back and you fall into his trap everytime under the name of Love. ask yourself if you married to him and have children and he left you for another woman or give you reason that he is SICK AND TIRE OF being a loving husband and daddy. Are going to put yourself through a divorce and put your children through the course of being abandon by their father. do you want your children and you to go through your heartbreak like the past seven years. think about it!
BUT
if your answer is I love myself more than I love him and I want a chance to feel and be happy. then its time you wave your good -bye to this cheating man you forgive everytime. but guess what a cheater is always a cheater! and everytime he is going to beg for forgiveness, DONT YOU WONDER WHEN IS HE GOING TO CHEAT AGAIN OR WALK OUT AGAIN. End it! be a strong woman that do know whats best for yourself in the long run. Tell him to go back to wherever he comes from and dont show himself ever again. shut your heart to his begging. stop him for using you, abusing your heart, and the pain he brought to you everytime he walked out. You deserve better, much better than him. Let him finish growing up let his mother finish nurturing him. He is not your problem, his immaturity (running away everytime there were problems) is not your responsibilities. IF YOU CANNOT CHANGE HIM FOR THE PAST SEVEN LONG YEARS, do you think you can change him for the rest of your life.
Do whats right for yourself before you make the mistake of marrying him. Seven long years is a very long time to spend on a "runner", who doesn't even appreciate everything you did for him. He ran away everytime your relationship hit a bump, I think he will keep running away. Let another woman deal with this "road runner", not you. I think its time to give it a rest. STOP LOVING HIM AND STARTING LOVING YOURSELF! that's the key to your problem.
I hope you give this a thought before you decide your future, do not make the mistake my cousin and her son went through. God bless you and have a super holidays! All the best for you.
2007-12-02 15:02:13 · answer #1 · answered by mycorollababy 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Stay with the new guy. He treats you right. Your ex had 7 1/2 years to do the right thing - and chose not to. He is now telling you what he knows you want to hear. If you go back to him, however, he will go back to his old ways. Don't be a sucker for this tired old trick. Tell him to go away and don't talk to him any more. If you are committed to your current boyfriend, he has no place in your life. He is bad for you. Your current boyfriend is good to you and good for you. Treat him right and you have a chance at a great life together.
2007-12-02 11:38:51 · answer #2 · answered by legendofslipperyhollow 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Is this a serious question? Ok. I am assuming your serious. You wanted the ex back because it's a psychological thing. Nobody likes to be dumped, and it heightens the feelings of loss. Everybody wants what they can't have. Which bring us to why all of a sudden the ex suddenly wants everything you wanted all along. Believe me...it won't work. If you go back to him it will be the same old thing. He thought he was ready...now he's not. If you have something good with the new guy...stick with it. FORGET the ex. You are seeing the potential in him, not the reality of what he is. If you go back you will NOT be happy.
2007-12-02 11:26:08 · answer #3 · answered by mschvs_65 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Just take it easy and stay with the new boy. Your ex sounds like he doesn't know what he wants and he's probably not through changing his mind. You go back with him and you'll break up again in a few months.
Don't worry about that one year investment, thats not a basis on which you can make a major decision like this.
2007-12-02 11:29:15 · answer #4 · answered by sailorboy 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
first of all you don't have a year invested. f**k that. is he a 401k....you're 25 mami...but hey if you were 55....i'd say, don't rush things with your ex...now bf again. take it slow. things didn't work out with OL' girl...now he's ready for the whole nine with you? take it slow. 7.5 yrs? whatever. some people are together for 15, 20, 30 yrs...it doesn't matter about the time. if someone's doing you dirty...you need to let it go. if someone did you dirty and you're giving them a second chance. you need to take it slow. and if they can't understand that then i would take a second look.
good luck ;-)
2007-12-02 11:25:09 · answer #5 · answered by just me 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Stop thinking of your relationship as an "investment." You only wanted him back to see if you could get him. Move on to the next guy now that you know that you could do it. Waiting around for a guy just makes you "old."
2007-12-02 11:23:48 · answer #6 · answered by dreamgirl 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
reading your story, it's like me re-living the experience that I had this girl that I really care about. the problem with my story is, i really like her and gave her all i got. in return, she sees a lot of goods in me, but won't give me a chance to prove it. She kick me to the curb because she's not willing to let him go, it's hard for her to make that decision, I know, but she's have to look into the future, look for the long run. right now, she's not talking to me. our friendship is over in a way. this hurts me a lot...she just let me go like that, didn't even try to work it out with me.
in your story, at least you admit that the new guy is what you want and he's really good, you should give him a chance to prove himself. your old bf, what can i say, it's 7.5 years of dating, he doesn't know what you want, and didn't do anything to correct his problem to improve this relationship. now all of a sudden, he's ready and willing to do anything to save this relationship, what a jerk. people change over time, not over night. he will be what you want him to be now, but once things are back to normal. he will change back to himself again. stop getting hurt, put yourself first, you're the only one that can end this cycle of pain. it's going to hurt for sure, but it's better sooner than later, or else you will regret what you did later on by letting a great guy go and missing out on all the great things in life.
2007-12-02 14:21:55 · answer #7 · answered by Kev 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like your confused - you need time on your own. You need to be with someone who you have no doubts about being with, and evidently it's none of these guys. Give yourself some time on your own to figure out what you really want!
2007-12-02 11:24:42 · answer #8 · answered by Jenna 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like you already know what to do. Some women just love to be treated like crap. It sounds like you are one of them. Until you realize you can do better and love yourself first you will always be treated like crap from this guy. God Bless You and I hope you wake up before you marry this guy and have kids and realize he never did change his ways.
2007-12-02 11:29:05 · answer #9 · answered by Prison Lt. 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
why go back into a cheating abusive relationship????? ---- forget the ex and enjoy the company of this new guy --- best wishes
2007-12-02 11:23:55 · answer #10 · answered by trader1867 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋