My dad has been married a really long time and had an affair with my mom. The end result was me. He knows about me and choose to see me about once every 2 years. I am now a mother myself and would like my sons to know their grandfather. I just don't know if it would "right" to ask him into my life. I have missed out on having a father for 24 years and I feel like its time he made up for that. I don't want to ruin his family, but I don't want ot be left out anymore. He has 2 other dauthers outside his marriage and they seem fine that he is only there when it suits him. His wife has no idea about any of us. I just want to be able to see him again. He hasn't seen me in 5 years so has no idea that I am married and have kids now. Or that I live in Italy now. Last he talked to me was in 2001 when I went into the military. he loves me I know but I don't know if I should contact him and how do I go about doing that? I don't want his family to think I am someone he is cheating with i need help!
2007-12-02 10:34:31 · 14 answers · asked by tweedy778 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Also, I know this will sound bad but, my father is well off and never provided anything for me while I was growing up poor! Now I am in a horrible marriage that I am trying to leave, but I dont have any money and no one else can help me. I want to know if he will help me! I am scared that he will be angry if I contact him and get him "caught"...WHAT DO I DO!?!??!
2007-12-02 10:36:54 · update #1
its not his fault he hasnt spoken to me in five years, I have been overseas with no way he can found out about me!
2007-12-02 13:28:43 · update #2
I don't want to offend you but I don't think your father cares that much about you. It was wrong of him to have an affair and not take responsibility for you and you other half sisters. He made a mistake and he needs to tell his family and put you and your sons into his life. I think you should contact you. He owes you a relationship with him.
2007-12-02 10:40:35 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
thats a tough situation. If the guy hasn't contacted you often then it means that he is really not that all interested in you. He probably does it because every now and then his consious starts working on him. Same thing when a criminal gets a bit of remorse every now and then for hurting a person, yet, the next day they stab someone else.
You could try contacting him and see how it goes but, I would not get my hopes too high. It is possible that he may get more involve but it is just as realistic to think that he will just stop by a few times and go on with his life.
My wife has somewhat of a similar situation. Her dad when she was 8 told her that he didn't want to be her dad anymore. She has contacted him a few times but he really prefers not talking to her. As far as he is concern she is not really familly since he has another marriage with other kids. Its not pretty but thats the way it goes. Onhe of my kids which is really my step son is in a similar situation. His real dad wants nothing to do with him. Her grand ma is now starting to contact him but he doesn't know who they are. He has an idea that I'm not his biological dad but he really doesn't care because I'm pretty much all he knows. I'm assuming that as he gets older he will want to know who his biological dad is and meet him. I also expect him to be desilusion because the guy is a real looser. Being to jail and what not. He also has another kid. My father too is a person who is not too afectional. He showed me the most affection because I lived with him. Actually my brother who is his step son received the most affection because he is more compatible. I've never really seen eye to eye with my dad. Anyways, I have seen how un affectional he is with his other kids out side of my moms marriage. I mean they guy really does not care. If it wasn't because my mom send some gift to my other brothers and sisters they would not even know if he is alive or dead. Yet, they think hightly of him. They are always like my dad is so great, I bet my dad would do X or Y thing etc etc. I don't know if they are being sarcastic or if they are just day dreaming because even with me he would not do the things they describe.
Another point to question is if your kids really want part of this other family or is it something you want? I guess what I'm saying is to go ahead and give it a try but not to expect too much. At least if you tried then you had a clear consous about the whole thing. Remember that in his eyes he doesn't owe you anything. This is different that the way you see things. One thing is true though. You cannot force anybody to love you and thats the way it is. We don't live in a disney movie where there is always a happy ending. In real life there are endings and unhappy ending with a random happy ending every now and then.
2007-12-02 10:53:48 · answer #2 · answered by mr_gees100_peas 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Call your father. He is just that, Your Dad.
When you talk to him, tell him you need to see him. Tell him he is a grandfather, don't bring the money up yet.
If you could try and meet with your dad alone first. don't drag the kids out when you ask for help.
Tell your dad you want him to meet his grandchildren and would he like to meet them? If he agrees tell him you need to talk to him first. I would rather you ask him to his face for help financially don't say I need money, say I need help financially.
Oh wait.....Does he live in Italy??
If not, your going to have to do it over the phone, but how is he going to see his grandchildren?
If he doesn't live near you, do you want him to fly you and the kids to see him?
I just have some guestions of my own, before I can say more.
but yes by all means, he is your father and he still has a responsibility. Sooner or later it will come out, it will have to about this affair w/ your mother.
sometimes it does work out, especially when the grandchildren are seen.
good luck
2007-12-02 10:55:42 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wanting your father in your life so the you can have a relationship is one thing, using him financially to get out of your marriage is wrong. He doesn't seem to want a realtionship with you if it's been 5 years since he's contacted you. He's also been able to keep you a secret for 24 years, so chances are he won't jump at a chance to be in your life. If you feel the need to try, contact him and bring him up to date on what's happening in your life. You can let hm know that your marriage isn't going well, and how great his grandkids are. If he wants to help you out, he'll offer it, but I would have too much pride to ask my absent/dead beat father for financial help. If you don't have a number for him, try www.zabasearch.com You may be able to find his address/phone number on that site.
2007-12-02 10:44:23 · answer #4 · answered by Ki 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
WOW... What a situation... I too, have a son who I have been out of contact with... When divorce, or affairs, interfere with the usual outcomes of one's life, things get so complicated... I hope you can get him involved in your life.. Contact him and say your piece, if you don't,. you will never know what his response may have been.. Good luck, I would love to hear from my son Andy...I am sure we could work things out, and your father deserves the chance to make good... Good Luck !!!
2007-12-02 10:49:45 · answer #5 · answered by mobileminiatures 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
why dont u write him a letter explaining everything. that way u will get 2 say everyting u want 2 say without him interrupting (or his family) and its better than seeing him face 2 face coz u can tell him EVERYTHING without getting emotional and not getting 2 say wot u feel and think bout him.
AND by writing a letter his wife wont know about u and think ur having an affair wit him.
hope it helpsxxxx
2007-12-02 10:41:41 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
hes your father claim him life is to fragile i am not estranged from my dad but we seldom talk my son adores him and my siblings i say go for it there isn't enough time in our lives for woulda shoulda coulda but didn't if your fathers family loves him then they will love you too
2007-12-02 10:38:23 · answer #7 · answered by Jessie is a Hardy fan 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Just contact your father... simple. Can't hide a secret for a long time.
2007-12-02 10:37:43 · answer #8 · answered by CMIGHTY 2 · 2⤊ 1⤋
"I am in a horrible marriage that I am trying to leave, but I dont have any money and no one else can help me. I want to know if he will help me! "----------------NO YOU SHOULD NOT CONTACT HIM JUST BECAUSE YOU WANT HIS MONEY!!!
2007-12-03 08:49:24 · answer #9 · answered by princess 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
he IS your father so hopefully he feels compelled to help his daughter when in need
2007-12-02 10:38:51 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋