I have two families, do I plan two wedding parties?

Question

I have two sides of my family that don't get along. My mom's side - who I've known my entire life and consider my family and my father's side - who I met two years ago.

I'm planning on getting married - but only having a reception, since I'm not religious.

Should I have two different wedding receptions? Or just one and not invite my father's side?

I can not have both families at one reception for many reasons. Mostlly to protect my mom's family and my sister. My sister doesn't want to meet or know our father's family or our father. I respect her decision and will never put her or my mom's family in an uncomfortable situation.

Any suggestions? That does not involve both families at one place?

Answer 1

This is a thorny problem and it looks like you will have to wrestle with it for a long time.

Obviously, you don't feel comfortable having them in the same place as the rest of your family--and I am sure they are very aware of the fact that they aren't wanted.

It isn't your job to try and smooth things over forever-because that is what you are talking about.
Baby showers, birthday parties, holiday parties, etc. so, you need to set the tone now, for later times.

I understand your loyalty to your mother's side of the family and that is the way it should be as they raised you.

I also understand that you want some connection to your father's side, but it would be best if you asked them to come to a dinner that you want to give them after you return from your honeymoon. Trying to get this all going before your reception would be difficult, so tell them that you want to entertain them as Mr. and Mrs. in your new home. If they don't accept, it is sending you a message, loud and clear.

This is not a time for people to take up their personal agendas, but it happens, so go forward and enjoy your reception, without complications. If your father and his family truly care for you, they will accept your decision. If not, then you know what the future holds.

I wish you the best.

Answer 2

If you can afford both then do so. If not then you can do as other say and have a reception with your mothers side and a dinner with the fathers side.

My opinion, it's your wedding and everyone should be accomodating you not vice versa also people crash weddings. My brother had a wedding in june and he sent invitations that said only for the name mentioned, no friends, or significant others allowed unless it is your spouse, and no children. People who he hated that was on his wifes side of the family showed up and they have no clue how they found out. Either way, just realize that even if you did seperate it, there is no guarantee that someone will not get a whiff and show up.

I forgot to mention that I agreed with what the wedding planner said about setting the tone for other events. I am sure you wouldn't want to have to seperate everything such as birthday parties, baby showers, holiday gatherings, graduations, etc. What if a traumatic event happens like my mom lost her first child, if that were to ever happen, I am sure you wouldnt want to think who should go to the wake and who should go to the funeral?

Answer 3

Well, you COULD overlook your father's family. BUT be ready for the repercussions of that. Consider a few things....are you close or semi-close to your father's side of the family? If so, you should invite them. Maybe you'll get lucky and everyone will grin and bare the together time. Or you can keep one side from the other by spacing out the tables...then to not make it look soo family sided mix your friends and non family members among each side and in the middle of the two groups.

Throwing two receptions can get pricey...but you can always do a full bash for the family that you are closest to and then have a cake/coffee reception a few days later

Answer 4

Honestly it is your day, the most important day of your life to be exact, both sides of the family should be able to put that aside and enjoy the day for you! However, I understand there are some situations where that is not possible, I would do a reception with those you want to spend the day with which sounds like your mom and sister. Since it is your day you should spend it with who you will have the most enjoyable time with!! That's the only thing that is important on your special day! Have the main reception with your mother and then suggest a dinner with your dads family on a separate day, celebrate with both sides separately! Good luck! And congrats on the wedding!!

Answer 5

This depends enitrely on how much money you want to spend. Since you only met them 2 years ago and they harbor ill will towards your mom you under no obligation to invite them to your wedding. You can have 2 receptions if you have the time and money, that will give you the opportunity to wear your dress twice, which is cool. I say let your wallet rule your heart. You could have a small cocktail party a week later with your father's family.

Answer 6

First - this is YOUR WEDDING. Yours. Your special day. You might not be "religious" but you are having a wedding. what you probably mean to say is that you are not having a big CHURCH wedding, just a civil ceremony. A civil ceremony can be as small or big as you want and the officiant can be man, woman, Elvis impersonator, judge, whoever has a valid permit to perform marriages and who knows where to register your wedding. (Check out a list at the license bureau or in yellow pages) Why don't you have a wedding ceremony at a place large enough to accomodate everyone - like a park, or hall - and invite everyone you love. It is up to OTHERS to love and respect you enough to set aside hard feelings for 30 minutes!! I've been to ceremonies where one side of a family or another absolutely HATED the other side but they were adult enough to attend the ceremony, give hugs and best wishes, smile for photographs and be civil for a short time, then leave. This is your FATHER and he should be invited. So should your MOTHER. You need to invite the two of them to a lunch with you and your fiance, explain the situation and your broken heart. If your father OFFERS to not attend, accept graciously. If your mother is a mature, caring person, she should tell him to come to the wedding but not bring a whole crowd with him and it is up to HER to talk to your sister and counsel her that this is YOUR dad and YOUR day and she will do whatever she wants for HER wedding. Then your dad can throw a nice party for you two with his family and your mom can throw one with her family. You two precious people can throw a party and invite everyone you want. It is up to THEM to attend or not.

Answer 7

well you could just have the party for your moms side since they havent had their heads up their asses and been there for ya, or you could have two parties, or you could tell them this day is about YOU AND UR MAN and that if they both love you they will put their differences aside and focus on you, if they try to make the day about them, then they really don't care about you. My mom and ex stepdad dont get along, but I told my mom he was gonna give me away at my wedding and not her new boyfriend...for some reason she thinks her boyfriend should give me away...WRONG! I barely know this guy. She got kinda mad knowing I invited her ex husband...but he was the only father in my life practically and i still call him dad and always will...I told my real dad and his wife they are invited as well, if my mom or anyone gets mad, they will be removed...but they set their differences aside, and is all gonna go to my wedding because they love me....so if they love you they can settle one day of being two steps away from eachother....

Answer 8

Maybe you can have a reception with your mom's side of the family and then just a get together with your dad's side of the family. Maybe you can have a backyard barbeque or something with your fathers side.

Answer 9

Well you could do eather of thos things but think ahead.... Are you going to to eather not invite or have to partys for you kids ( birthdays, graduation, weddings) because if you do it now you are setting up life to come. The two sides gat along at some time (thus you and your sister) so why not now.

Also pulling from a page in my life have you found out why your dad was not in your life (from your dad NOT your mom). Mine lied and told use for 21 years our dad did not want us come to find out she kept us apart. Not saying your moms a lier just saying to look and lission to both sides.

So think befor you do what you do now could deturmin both your and your future kids lifes

Answer 10

You have a very difficult situation here that will continue long past your wedding day. If you can afford it, and if you and your groom-to-be want to do it, two parties would be a very nice solution. It sounds as thought you are going to be splitting up events for the remainder of the foreseeable future, so you might as well begin as you intend to go on.