Can I, in good conscience, leave my family?

Question

Im a good dad. Ryan , the oldest at 6, isnt biologically mine, but I treat him like he is. Sara, at two, is my first born. I love her with every fiber of my being. Kelly, 9 months, Is the most beutifull thing I have ever gazed upon. The problem? the kids mother susan and I cannot seem to make it work. she got pregnant 6 weeks into our relationship and at first I thought I could make it work. But after nearly three years I dont know if I can do it any longer. Im misserable and I only stay in it for the kids. But we get into these all out scream fests in front of the kids. I feel guilty for not being able to make it work, and I know Ill feel guilty if I leave. Any one out there with separated parents that can give me any insight would help

our problems stem from the both of us. neither of us seem to be able to manage money very well (I make plenty). And were certainly not very good at keeping house. I dont know how well I trust her to raise the kids if Im not around. I worrie.

Answer 1

My parents separated when I was young and I believe it was the best decision they could make for themselves and myself and my brother. My parents fought all the time about everything from money issues to what to have for dinner. Every time I heard them fighting I felt like I had done something wrong, or at the very least that I should try to do something to fix it. Fighting in front of your children is very bad for their emotional well-being,

I know it will be hard for you to leave but you have to do what's best for yourself and the children. Just keep in mind that if you are out of that stressful situation you will be much more stable for your children. The happier you are the happier you will be able to make them. I salute you for staying in your situation for as long as you have. I am sure it was not easy for you but you are obviously a good man and an even better father.

I hope this has helped at least a little bit. Good Luck and keep up the good work. Your children are lucky to have such a caring father.

Answer 2

Have you tried focusing on what it is you 2 scream so much about?
Pinpointing the real causes may help you learn without counceling on "What the cause is", and working on it.

It sounds like the getting pregnant so soon is a strong suggestion that you weren't really ready, but yet you tried.

Alot of people don't follow it, but I suggest you looking up both your "sun signs". You may be a good match, yet you have issues, so it would be good for you to read up on each of your personalities, and see what it is that you can change or work on in that sense. Once you know the real personalities and their differences, it can help direct you in "communication".

The screaming isn't good, the kids see it, hear it, feel it.

Try working on this for now. IF you can't see yourself going further, try a seperation, before divorce. Many things could be accomplished without just letting it all fly right out the window.

Good luck. Love with your eyes, ears and heart.

Answer 3

My parents dovorced when I was 3 years old. I lived with my dad up until I was 18. He married 2 more times and my mom married 5 more times. I can honestly say, that you two being apart and not fighting would be much better for the kids. You would be happier, your girlfriend/wife would be happier, and the kids would be happier. Just make an agreement with her to see when you can see the kids (If you don't want full custody) When my dad was married to my ex step mother, life was hell for me. They fought all the time, and she took it out on me. I can honestly say that when they got divorced, it was one of the happiest times of my life!! I think you should seperate, and there is no reason for you to feel bad about it. It is obviously the best option for everyone involved!

Hope this helped!! =]

Answer 4

I know you've gotten all kinds of answers for this question, but from my own personal experience, it might be better if the two of you split.

My mom and dad did not divorce, although they should have.

My mom was so miserable she tried several times to take her own life. I was 15 years old the last time I had to pry a loaded gun out of her hands.

I didn't blame myself, I knew where the fault lay and it lay with my father.

He spent most of their marriage telling her how dumb she was and how she couldn't keep a job because she was so stupid.

She wasn't stupid. She just let him undermine her self confidence until she thought she really couldn't support herself if she left him.

My mom stayed with him until the day she died.
3 weeks later my dad brought his girlfriend to a basketball game at the school and set her next to my sister in the bleachers.

My sister totally freaked.

sometimes staying together "just for the kids" isn't really a good idea.

The most important thing is just to always let your children know how much you love them and be with them as much as possible. Above all else, set them down and explain to them (age appropriate) that it was not their fault.

Good luck

Answer 5

You can leave; it may be absolutely necessary, but even under the best of circumstances, you won't leave "in good conscience". I've been in your shoes, and I am still (after nearly 4 years) dealing with the fallout of that decision, and yes, even in retrospect I found that decision to be necessary. But everyone pays a heavy price; that's an inescapable truth. If you have any other options at your disposal, please try them first before making this final move. Good luck to you.

Answer 6

I remember hearing my parents fight when I was a child and I use to pray they would divorce. They finally did when I was 15 and the damage was done. Now I am married and think it's normal to scream at each other. You are passing this down to your kids. Get help.

Answer 7

Do everything you can to try and fix this....go to therapy, read books about relationships, talk to your pastor, etc.
If after you've exhausted all of these, you still feel the same way, then at least you will walk away knowing you did all you could to save your family.
You owe it to your children.
Good luck.

Answer 8

i would leave but take the kids

Answer 9

no that would make it even wore my dad left my family and he ruined my life