In March of this year I took home a stray cat. She's beautiful but she doesn't really like being touched (except when I scratch her back) and she definately doesn't like to be picked up. She's a pretty nice and calm cat in general, but how can I get her to be more affectionate? (She loves my indoor cat Kitty and he's the boss lol)
2007-12-02 09:59:34 · 8 answers · asked by katherine 2 in Pets ➔ Cats
I took in a stray like that too, I was never able to pick him up, but if I would sit down and wait, he would get into my lap so I could pet him, but with the slightest move he would jump down. It will just take a lot of time for him to trust you totally.... if ever.
2007-12-02 10:16:34 · answer #1 · answered by Dee M 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have a cat like that, and she was not a stray. She has her own ideas about being handled, and she makes her own choice if she wants to be petted, and if there is a lap to sit on, it is her choice, and not anybody elses. And she will make it perfectly clear to anybody within hearing range to leave her A-LONE! It has taken several years of letting her know she can't bluff me out,and I can now pick her up and pet her. But she growls all the time, and if I would give her half a chance, she would bite me. I dunno...........I think sometimes cats are just that way. Perhaps your stray was abused, and it may take her a long time to get trusting enough to be handled. Maybe she is just a touch-me-not.
2007-12-02 18:12:04 · answer #2 · answered by Isadora 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Interaction doesn't need to be cuddling and picking up. When we got one of ours, she had a fear of being picked up (I think some kids fell on her at her old home) so I would do a drive by petting the first week we had her. Every time I'd go by her I'd say her name and do ONE swipe between her ears as a petting and keep walking. Within 4 tries she was lifting her head up for it.
Try the chin scratches or face rubs instead of body petting. Lots of strays don't want their bellies, tails or feet touched (those are vulnerable areas) so stay away from those. Try cupping your hands on her shoulders as she stands and use your thumbs to press a petting there, then let go. Find different ways to touch that you haven't tried. Ear rubs? Back of head scritchies? Be creative. Just do it once or twice and stop, then try something else later. A gradual increase will have her more at ease and aggreable to being touched.
2007-12-02 18:07:37 · answer #3 · answered by Elaine M 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
When you have an established, dominant cat and you bring a second cat into the environment, the dominant cat will to some extent, control the submissive or second cat to you. You may not see this, and the stray lady you brought into your home came with her tabus intact -- her touchiness, etc. But if she wants to live in peace in this wonderful place she has found herself, she has to accept the limitations imposed on her by your dominant male. And that will definitely limit her evolving out of some of the behavioral ticks she had when she first came to you a haunted stray.
Last winter, I cat sat for two cats for a month while their owner was out of the country. One was definitely the dominant and was just the apple of his owner's eye -- a very petted, loved little fellow. The other had been added to the household, and while your 2nd cat was a stray, this second cat had been abused and was very, very sweet, but a little neurotic. His master told me to expect certain behaviors from him and had me add water to his wet food, because he never drank water. The dominant cat would drink from the water faucet every morning, the owner told me, immediately after eating.
What was interesting about the non-dominant cat in this instance is that, when his master -- who loved him and was wonderful with him -- was gone, this little cat's behavior's changed. The dominant cat drew his dominance in large part from his almost filial relationship to his master -- a role the little neurotic cat could never fill. When their very, very loving master was gone, that stole some of the dominant cat's fire, and the little neurotic cat was willing to step out of his usual completely submissive role.
It began when the little guy got into the dominant's perch and stayed there. Then he moved in on the faucet and began to drink water from the faucet in the evening (the dominant drank in the morning). He remained neurotic, but he stepped out of his usual mold and behaved differently, tried new things, became sometimes funny and playful.
Nobody was at fault here for anything. It was just the chemistry in the house, and it worked well for everybody, and they were very loved, very well-cared-for animals.
And there is chemistry in your house as well. Your dominant cat has claimed you, and if your second cat "loves" your dominant male, her primary relationship is with him. You are secondary. And she is not appreciably evolving in her relationship with you for that reason.
If you want her to evolve, you will have to change the chemistry. You could send your male cat off to live with a friend for a couple of weeks or even a month while you work with your female. In the absence of him, she will change and turn to you, but of course she will miss him terribly at first. Otherwise, the best thing to do is to continue being loving with her and just see what time brings.
But your male is running the show, and she's a happy enough camper with this arrangement that she has no need to change.
Did this help? I hope so.
2007-12-02 19:06:16 · answer #4 · answered by Mercy 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Make sure to show her plenty of attention. If you know that she loves when you scratch her back keep doing it. Try to pick her up, lay her on your lap, and scratch her back. I use to have a cat and she hated to be held. I heard that female cat's are more to themselves.
2007-12-02 18:09:02 · answer #5 · answered by It's A Girl ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
to get the cat to open up more, just make sure that you give it lots of love, and care. Plus take it to the vet to make sure that it's not ill, a cat being ill totally changes it's behavior. Trust me on this, i have 2 cats of my own. Good luck :)
2007-12-02 18:07:32 · answer #6 · answered by Random Self 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds to me that you are doing what you can to make her love you. It takes time. And food. Like when you sit next to her, offer her a treat from your hand. and while she's eating it, stroke her. This helps to build up trust. Cats are very skiddish things. But I love em!
Sounds like you are a very nice person for taking her in and she sounds very lucky to find a home! Good luck!
2007-12-02 18:08:20 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would say to just spend a-lot a time with the cat and play with it and spoil it maybe that would help.
2007-12-02 18:07:59 · answer #8 · answered by Dog_Lover 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋