Restaurant Service: Why is it okay to talk down to your server?

Question

I serve. I have for a while, and I hosted in the same restaurant for about two years before that. From the service point of view there are a few things I would like to say, and I've asked why people think it's okay to talk down to a server? I'll first say that not everyone should be one. It's a lot of people skills. It's a lot to juggle. Being sat four times in a row is not the most easy thing to deal with, sometimes. If you can't deal with people, don't choose a people profession. I will say, that if you walk into my section and talk down to me because I'm "only a server"; you won't get my best service. You don't know that I've been through four years of college and am continuing grad school. I need to pay my rent, too. You come out because you don't want to do it at home...but then treat those that are doing it for you terribly. That could be *your* son, or daughter. Not every wrong in a restaurant is the server's fault...but we end up taking flak for a lot of it. Just a curiousity.

For those that have said (and I'm sure will say) things like "all that education and you don't realize you were meant for service"...As someone else pointed out; you wouldn't talk down to your mechanic, or hairdresser, so why waitstaff? There are MANY other careers in the "service" industry, and without people to take those jobs, the condescending people would be a lot worse off. Teachers, Policemen, Firefighters, Garbagemen, Postal Workers, Army/Navy/Airforce Professionals. Would you really backsass a cop? I think what depresses me most of all about the people that say "Of course you get talked down to, you're a SERVER. You SERVE" is the fact that they don't give respect to the people that deserve it the most. I can bet they don't respect any of the aforementioned positions, some of who's mottoes are to the effect of "To Protect and SERVE." It makes me sad to know that the propogation of disrespect of other human beings runs more rampant than I realized.

Moreover, in case you were wondering? I'm gaining the skills I'll need in order to deal with your children on a daily basis. The server you decide to pick on may very well be the student teacher your child was telling you about. Those are like volunteer hours. You teach a class, don't get paid, and have to make up the money on your own. A lot of loans get taken out for those who cant afford to grade all those papers and also work a job. I guess, it doesn't bother me too bad at the end of the day. I chose this job to do while I work toward my ultimate goal. I could work anywhere, and I come back to the restaurant I know the best. I just wish that people knew that it wasn't okay to discriminate based on socioeconomic class anymore. Aren't we past that?

Answer 1

As someone that is a former server when I was in college I totally relate. I don't know why it is and it is definitely not all customers but I remember it was usually woman that did it to me. The funny thing was there was a certain woman that used to frequent where I worked and she would go on and on about how much she made at her job. I was in school working two jobs and I was pulling down 40 grand a year more than her. (another thing some don't realize is the money can be really good!)Also I always am respectful to servers to this day because I know first hand how hard you work. Some people that act like complete morons don't realize that the worst thing you can do is be obnoxious to someone bringing you your food.( oh the stories I could tell) I really think it goes back to the type of person you are in life. People with low self esteem and complexes tend to be-little others in the service industry because it make them feel bigger. When in truth they are the ones coming off looking pathetic. Hang in there and stay strong. Good luck

Answer 2

I never talk down to a server even if the server has attitude. It's how I was raised. I don't talk down to my employees, wife, kids or anyone else. I treat people how I would like to be treated.

I'd say that 99% of the time our service has been acceptable. Some better than others but for the most part it hasn't been bad. On those times when it has been less than acceptable I leave a lesser tip. My normal tip is 20-25%. One time when we had a large party we kept the server on his toes and I tipped the equivalent of the bill. (He and the manager actually came outside to thank me). I only complained twice and that was when the server was totally unprofessional in how we were served. No tip was left and I felt management needed to know the circumstances. They can't fix it if they don't know it's broken can they?

A server can't control how the food is prepped or cooked but they have full control over how they interact with their customers. I expect them to be cordial and accommodating.

Answer 3

I have worked in the service industry and know what it feels like to be treated badly even though you did a good job.

That being said, it really does matter how the customer treats you. Your job is to provide the best service that you can. I remember having the same regular customer over a year and half span who never once tipped. Not only that, she was rude when the food took a bit longer than normal.

However, your job is serve to the best of your abilities, and with a smile.

In the end, there are some people who tip WAY more than you are worth. There are other people who tip WAY less than you are worth. It all evens out in the end. Just keep doing your job and learn to ignore the inappropriate criticism.

That being said, I have had some of my best experiences after somebody was rude to me. If you handle it the right way, you can really impress them.

Answer 4

NO, it's not ok!!! believe it or not, most servers are more educated than the people who choose to dine out. The server is not the only one who makes mistakes, the kitchen is at fault at times, and it's the server who is the the person they rant to, and sometimes people are just looking to get out of a check or recieve some kind of discount!! when this happens, yes you the server get the manager and let the chips fall where they may!! some people and want to make up their own menu, and this causes confusion!!

Answer 5

People have this misconception that most servers are 'losers'. When it reality, most servers are only working there to pay for their education. I got in a huge arguement with someone because I heard them call people in the service inudustry 'dumb aholes'. I want to see how dumb I am when ten years from now I'm a surgeon and your still making $10.00 an hour. Just look at the brightside, your day will come, and school will pay off.

Answer 6

I am a server. I try to give each customer the best service and dining experience possible, but you can quickly tell alot about someone by how they treat their waiters.
People are still people...yes, my job is to serve you, and I fully intend to do that, but treat PEOPLE with respect...like you would want to be treated. I'm here to help you have a good time, not to take your crap.

You wouldn't talk down to your mechanic while he's "fixing" your car, or your hairdresser while he's cutting your hair, or the guy who's about to operate on you right?
Ask yourself why not?
Don't bite the hand that feeds..

Answer 7

I've always felt that you can tell a lot about a person by how they treat a server.

My in-laws have this nasty habit of wasting the server's time when we're ordering. The server asks, "What would you like tonight," and my in-laws look all over the menu, pause, talk to someone else at the table - "have you ever had their x?", etc. It drives me insane, especially when we've had plenty of time to look over the menu. Tell the server what you want and let them take care of business!

Sorry for the rant on your post. I've never been a server but I have never thought it was an easy job.

Answer 8

There is never a good time to talk down to a server. I think many look down on those who are in the service industry. For some reason our society equates this with lower class.

Each person, regardless of their work, deserves to be treated with dignity and respect.

Answer 9

Honey....I totally understand! I have been putting myself through school too and also have a son to help provide for(husband just got through culinary school)! It is rough and also not the job for just anyone! I feel unappreciated often but you know...at the end of the night...you took their money and (depending on the restaurant you work in)can make more than you will make once you finish school for the same number of hours. Be strong and best wishes!

Why do people want to **** with the one who deals with their food?

Answer 10

It's never okay to talk down to a server, but it is okay to complain to the management if you are unhappy with service or food. You're right, it's not always the servers fault that something is wrong!