My brother is currentley out of work, he has been living with my mother ( sadly my father is deceased) for 5 months. My mother Sabella, is tired of it! She want's him out and she wants him out now! He is a slob he has very few manners, and he doesn't care much about his career. So guess what instead of my sister Monique getting to have him at her house................. I get Salim ( my brother) at my house! Well it is not definite yet but my mother wants him out, and I can not turn her down, she says that I can handle him best, that I am responsible, and that I can motivate him to get a job. But I can't! Me and Salim never got along well, he is horrible with kids and I have 2 four year old boys running around the house! We have plenty of room for him that is certainly not a problem but................... You get the picture help!
2007-12-02 08:13:24 · 5 answers · asked by ? 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
make a deal with you brother allowing him a temporary stay at your house [one month] & in that tiime he has to fiind a job and another household to stay with [friiend or another realitive] . good luck ! <3333
2007-12-02 08:47:19 · answer #1 · answered by BrY <333 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I understand you wanting to help out your Mom but your priority has to be for your children. If it isn't best for your children, then you have an obligation to say no.
If you do let Salim move in with you, be very specific about how long he can stay. I w ould say one month. Also be very clear about the house rules and that if he doesn't follow them, he will have to leave sooner than the 30 days.
He is a grown man and no one should have to take care of him or clean up after him. The longer you baby him, the worse it will become.
2007-12-02 16:22:49 · answer #2 · answered by wondermom 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You have a wife and children, they are your responsibility, not your lazy brother. Your mother has to handle this one. She needs to give him a stern 30 days to get a job. After the warning, the countdown begins, the locks get changed on the last day and his clothes out the door. Your brother needs to shape up and ship out.
2007-12-02 16:35:51 · answer #3 · answered by Laurie 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
That is a horrible situation to be in. I don't blame your Mom for getting tired of him and wanting him out, but I don't think it's fair that you, or your sister, should have to take him in. I'm assuming that your brother is an adult and is truly just being lazy about finding a job.
The way I look at it, by allowing him to stay with family, supporting him, you are enabling him to continue with his bad and unacceptable behavior.
I have had family members who were down and out stay with my family, but I set some very strict ground rules for them. Basically I set rules almost like someone would for a child, a list of goals they had to accomplish in a certain time frame. I also included a time that they had to be out of my house...whether they were working or not. I did my best to be very fair about all of this, I wanted it to motivate them, not hurt them because I was ticked at them, lol! That is one way to protect yourself. I told them they had to have a job or be actively looking for a job (and we all know what that means). I set hours that they could come and go. We don't drink alcohol in my family, so that was a no-no. No friends were allowed over without prior approval from my family. They had to pay for anything they damaged. I also charged them room and board, but I only kept 1/2 of the money. I saved the other 1/2 and gave it back to them when they were ready to leave my house...they do need money for a security deposit on an apartment. They didn't know I was saving the money for them. I made them do their own laundry, clean up after themselves, etc. I made them live like a responsible adult would.
When the time came for them to move they did have a good job and with the money I had saved for them they had plenty to get an apartment. Things actually worked out well.
I laid down all of these rules before my family moved in with me, they knew what they were agreeing to before they came here. If they hadn't of agreed to it they wouldn't have moved in. If they broke the rules while they were living here they knew I was going to tell them to leave. Now, it depends on the situation why the rules were broken, of course, but if it's just because of nonsense, I would stick to my guns.
Sometimes when someone is acting like a child you have to treat them like one. Even if they are 42 years old! Keep a level head, keep your emotions out of things the best you can. Help your brother, but don't do things for him.
Good luck with all of this.
2007-12-02 16:37:33 · answer #4 · answered by heathrjoy 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Tell your brother he has a month to get a job and a place of his own and then after that he is either on his own or you drive him to the homeless shelter.
2007-12-02 16:18:15 · answer #5 · answered by Joe F 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋