Why are people deeply saddened when someone dies?

Question

I am not talking about when a young person dies, but when an old person dies. Especially when they are in their 70s-90s. Some people are just distraught that their loved one died. As if they were going to live forever. I can understand crying or knowing that you are going to miss them, but to act shocked and dismayed is silly.

I say move over, you had your chance at this world, it is someone else's turn.

Heartbroken, yes. Shocked no. My dad is 83 I will be heartbroken but not shocked, it will be his time to go.

My question isn't a cold hearted question. It is a fact of life. I've said before that I work in a hospital. Usually not all the time, when an elderly member or a even a young person who has lingering in the abyss of death for so long dies, people are just crazy shocked. As if they didn't prepare themselves for something that they knew was going to happen eventually, sooner or later. As if they thought that person was going to be around all the time.

Uncle Remus:

Thumbs up. You should celebrate their life, but to act like they were going to live forever is not pratical.

YY4Me: Sure I will be sad, but shocked no. That is why it is important to tell them that you love them when they are alive and to not hold any grudges. I would hate to live with that bitter pill.

Praire: So true on your edit 2; thumbs up.

Answer 1

People have a really bad attitude towards the elderly. They see them as just hovering over death's door, as if death is inevitable as soon as you hit 60, even though it could be just as close for someone in their 20's, we just may not realize it. Some of the most important, and fulfilling years of a person's life occur in their old age, and people that age can be very kind, spirited, and lively human beings. And that is why it is hard to believe that those people just faded away into the night...their personality was so strong that we presumed their body was as well...

Answer 2

Perhaps I'm reading something into this that doesn't exist, but it sounds to me like you're trying to prepare yourself for your father's death, and you're using this "no big deal" attitude as a talisman against the pain you so much want to avoid.

Trust me, there's no preparing for the death of a loved one. The pain will not be lessened just because you're aware of the inevitability of death. My mother died one year after cancer diagnosis, my brother more than three years after diagnosis. In both instances, I had time to "prepare" myself. It made no difference. There's something about the finality of the loss that just doesn't hit you until it happens. In fact, it can feel even worse as time passes.

If you knew, in advance, that you were going to lose your eyesight, do you think that knowing that it was inevitable would make it any easier to live with? Could you honestly say that you wouldn't miss seeing a sunrise or sunset, a child's smile, budding flowers, or even your computer monitor?

I hope I'm wrong about my earlier assumption. In any event, take advantage of the fact that your father is still alive, and cherish every moment because it *will* hurt when he dies. In fact, it'll hurt like hell.
.

Answer 3

Humans grieve in their own way. Some are so attatched to the older Loved one. The older person , has probably done so much to help the grieving person. Each has it's own story and take death different ways. Human Hearts deal with death in more or less saddness. As you become older, you will understand. To loose a Young person is horrible. A heavy grief that does not go away and many Parents will grieve until it comes their turn to die. Sometimes grief is so hard, that a Loved one will die right along with the already deceased. Death is so final and we need to Respect others in the way they carry on with their grief.

Answer 4

Death happens to us all. And it is nice to know that we are remembered when it happens . There is celebration for birth. There is nothing wrong for celebrating a person's life when they pass away. It is a humane ritual about life and what it means. At the death the living can ponder the significance of how that person touched their life. This is especially true for an older person.

Think about it. And be well.

Answer 5

You're already getting curb-stomped for "asking" such a ridiculous question (which was really just an excuse for you to go on a rant), but I simply have to join in the kicking party.

Your "question" reveals that you are a cold-hearted, or possibly just short on real life experience. In either case, I truly hope that you have no close friends (or casual ones for that matter) who might turn to you in a moment of grief only to have you slap them in the face with your version of "realism". Losing a loved one is hard enough with having to put up with that kind of callousness.

EDITED TO ADD: You might be surprised at your own reaction. I'm afraid that emotions like grief aren't quite as much under the control of intellect as you seem to think.

In any case, people are entitled to their pain after losing a loved one. To expect everyone to conform to your version of "how one should act" is extremely naive.

EDITED TO ADD 2: Actually, I agree with some of your points. Nobody lives forever, and to expect someone to live forever is unrealistic. But knowing that intellectually and accepting it emotionally can be two very different things.

Answer 6

Because by nature, people are selfish.
We become distraught because of what WE are losing.
If it's a sudden death, then yeah...I can see being shocked. But if it's a sickness, then no. You should prepare yourself for their death.
I'm guessing you must be young. In your limited experience, you can't imagine what it's like to lose a companion that you've had by your side for 30-40 years. In time you will though. And you'll be aggravated why someone would be asking such a harsh and unrealistic question.

Answer 7

Because of LOVE...ever heard of it?
How in the world can you possibly think it is silly to be dismayed when someone you love dies?
Death sometimes comes as a shock no matter when it happens.

You have got to be a pretty callous person to say "move over, you had your chance, it's someone else's turn."
What a nasty thing to say!

How unfeeling! How cold hearted you must be!
I have no respect for people like you.


Are you in favor of just killing anyone over the age of 70 to "make room" ?

When your dad dies, will you say, "well, he had his chance at this world. Good riddance....someone else's turn"?
Hmmm?

Answer 8

It's the fact that you'll never see them again in this life that hurts. Death is as much a part of life as breathing, don't act like it's any more or less.

Answer 9

how arrogant and mean-spirited. i'm sure there is someone waiting to SEND you to the next level...

since it's unlikely that you have friends, it may be difficult for you to understand that the grief we feel is not so much for the person who has died, but for our own pain.

it's like when a dear friend (look that word up in the dictionary) moves to another country and they aren't in our lives anymore..it hurts and we feel grief.

or like when your parents die. you know that the day is going to come, but your heart is never completely prepared for the reality.

but i'm speaking of compassionate people with the capacity to love others...you probably don't get any of this...

Answer 10

I'm assuming you've never experienced it. If you're close to someone then you'll miss their company when they go away. It doesn't matter how much you rationalise it that everyone has to die sometimes, you'll still miss them. Plus if it's a parent it's a fundamental change to the major relationships in your life. If it's a husband or wife then it's even more of a change. I feel quite sorry for you if you can't appreciate this.