Her dad is dying and I feel really uncomfortable around her when she is crying that much. When I was little I used to hand out paper towels when people were crying, but I think I should do more than that at a time like this. What do I do?
2007-12-02 07:52:08 · 12 answers · asked by Eziah 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
If everyone were as honest as you we'd all admit that we feel uncomfortable around folks when they are grieving and crying. It's because we don't know what to do, we feel helpless to make things better. I think it's awesome that you care enough to try to find out what you can do, if more folks did that I think this would be a better world.
I'd suggest you just talk to your Mom and tell her how you feel. Make sure you tell her why the crying makes you uncomfortable so that it's clear that you're not asking her to stop, you don't want her to misunderstand you. I would bet that a lot of really good things will come out of your conversation.
If you're Mom is too distraught right now to be able to talk to her then I'd suggest you talk to a friend's parents, but still talk to your Mom when she's ready.
Realize that it's not weird to feel uncomfortable. Sometimes we have to try even though we feel like a mess inside. Go and give your Mom lots of hugs and tell her you love her. Ask her if there's anything she wants you to do. Do little things around the house that she usually does (dishes, laundry, etc.) that way she doesn't have more to worry about.
If you find yourself ready to totally freak out remember that you are allowed to leave the room and go be by yourself for a while. There's nothing wrong with that. However, hiding all the time is a sign that something is wrong. Take 10 minutes to get yourself together and then return to the group.
I don't know how old you are, I'm guessing a teenager, but you're a great son. Your Mom is lucky to have you.
Also, please know that no one expects anyone to know what to say or do when something like this happens, so don't feel like you have to have answers for anyone....even when they start asking questions. Those questions are said more to let others know how they feel.
I'm sorry that your family is going through this. You sound like a close family and you'll get through it.
2007-12-02 08:11:50 · answer #1 · answered by heathrjoy 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I understand how she feels. my mother died last month after a long illness. Even though you know the time is coming, Its still a shock when it does. I cant stop thinking about her and crying. I have been blessed with a wonderful family that is helping me through this. At her funeral my husband played the organ while my daughter sang. My son was a Paul bearer, my oldest grandson got up and talked about his great grandma, his little brother played his clarinet. I was just so proud of them. I still cry a lot, but it is such a comfort when one of them puts their arms around me and just lets me get some of the hurt out. then they will say something funny to cheer me up. It helps me so much knowing they are there for me. Do the same for your mom.
2007-12-02 16:35:31 · answer #2 · answered by Wondering.... 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
A hug will do. tell her you love her and try to lighten the load on her around the house, every little bit helps. I know your holding in your own grief as well, crying is natural, its our hearts way of letting the hurt out. Maybe you should shed some tears your self. You have my condolence.
2007-12-02 20:12:32 · answer #3 · answered by luvsmusiz 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is important for you to realize that there is NOTHING you can do or say to stop her pain. What you can do that will give her some comfort is to be there for her, Maybe hug her and encourage her to let it out. Don't tell her that everything will be OK because it won't. It probably would be wise not to try to say anything clever other than you will be there to go through it all with her. you have to be caustious that she doesn't start to rely on you so much that you no longer have a life of your own.
2007-12-02 16:12:11 · answer #4 · answered by al b 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are so thoughtful to recognize that your Mother needs special attention at this time. Just asking what you can do to comfort her is a big step in the right direction. I would suggest that you do your best to not make any demands on her, keep the house as straight as possible, and make yourself available to her for any errands she might request.
2007-12-02 16:04:31 · answer #5 · answered by jcf6865 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Just be there for her. If she asks you to do something do it with out question unless it would be hurtful to either of you.
Answer the phone and answer any questions that someone may have so that she doesn't have to.
Ask her about her fondest memories about her dad. Write them down in a journal for her that she can read and remember a time that her dad wasn't sick.
2007-12-02 16:02:55 · answer #6 · answered by Nessa005 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
There is nothing worse than losing someone you love. Put yourself in her place and think of what would make you feel better. Just being there for her and letting her know you love her is a really good start.
2007-12-02 17:32:11 · answer #7 · answered by William B music lover 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My mother is terminal and my father also has cancer. I am a mother of 2 grown children. I just want my kids to be there for me. I cry and they let me. Don't tell her not to cry, just let her and sit beside her. You really don't need to say anything.
2007-12-02 16:03:36 · answer #8 · answered by Karen 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
just listen to her when she wants to talk. Take her out to dinner or fix her dinner. Treat her to a movie to help take her mind off of her sorrows for a while.
2007-12-02 16:49:40 · answer #9 · answered by Invisigoth 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Talk to her and just be there for her. That's all she'll need right now: support.
2007-12-02 15:56:00 · answer #10 · answered by ? 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋