2007-12-02 07:39:30 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
My father has never really been in my life. His bipolar so it's probably a good thing that he wasn't. He said he did it for me b/c he probably would of hurt me being in my life, whatever! So, now I'm 28 and we talked on the phone about twice in 10 years and it hard ever time. He's a very sad person and it's mental draining to speak to him! My step-mom just left him and she checked herself into a mental hospital. Two days later my father did the same b/c he was scard he was going to end his life. He's out now and calls a lot. My grandmother and my aunt has both asked for me to return his calls but it's just so hard! I don't know what I could do to help or if it would even help if I spoke to him! I think he gets more said after he speaks to me and I the same! I don't want to be sad but I want to do the right thing! What would you do?
2007-12-02 07:48:44 · update #1
I don't know the story behind you and your dad to be able to give my best opinion on the matter, but I can speak from my own personal experience and what I would do knowing what I know about that.
My mother and father were divorced when I was about 2. From age 4 until age 19 I never saw or heard from my father. Not a letter, not a phone call, nothing. Age 19 I was moving from the house I had been in for years and we sent a letter to what we found (through people search) to be his address letting him know if he ever wanted to get in touch with me- where I would be. I'm now 26 and I have had a good relationship with my father ever since that letter.
I'm very glad that I gave him that second chance. It was his to do with as he pleased, and he took the opportunity and made the best of it. Do I hurt for all the years he was gone- yes. But its over now and no sense dwelling on what was done long ago.
Moral of the story- I think everyone deserves a second chance. However, I don't know what it is you are risking "hurting". Just your feelings? Your monetary situation? What?
I would always leave the door open to have a relationship with your dad. Late is better than never. However, I would be cautious about putting your health, financial situation, or relationships in jeopardy for a dad who has not been there for you. Offer your comfort and companionship, but maybe not money. There's always that, "well, he's my dad" and that's true- but you need to care for yourself and family (if you have one) first. But definitely be open to establishing some sort of healthy relationship and offer your emotional support as you can. It may benefit you in the long run, too.
Good luck!
2007-12-02 07:49:28 · answer #1 · answered by Nijojo 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It depends on the situation. More details are needed. If helping him could in anyway be enabling him then no, don't help him, and don't feel guilty about it. On the other hand, if he's going through a rough time that's no fault of his own I'd say be there for him. We all make mistakes, sometimes they are pretty bad ones like being a dead beat Dad.
Decide from the get-go that if you're going to be there for him you're doing because it's the right thing to do and not because you're hoping it'll change the relationship. Don't expect it to change anything and you won't be hurt by him. Treat him just like you would a neighbor or anyone else in the same situation and let those "Daddy" emotions go for another time.
It's a shame, but sometimes we have to show our parents how to be good people by setting an example ourselves.
Good luck, I hope things work out and that your relationship with your Dad gets better.
2007-12-02 07:53:46 · answer #2 · answered by heathrjoy 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's not your responsibility to be his emotional care taker.
He's a grown man and made the decision a long time ago that he didn't want to be in your life.
Even if he was trying to play the martyr role in his own mind....
You don't know the man. He wasn't around to watch you grow up.
So why should you be there for him when he's spiraling downhill? If he's looking for a friend or someone to care for him, then he needs to have a case worker assigned to him so they can direct him where he needs to go.
2007-12-02 08:16:54 · answer #3 · answered by Ella 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Dead beat dads need a good kick in the a*s.
They want the sex,not the responsibility of a child.
2007-12-02 07:48:35 · answer #4 · answered by skunk 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Personally I wouldn't, but that's because I am revengeful and bitter. It just depends on what he needs and how you feel about the situation.
It's your choice no one Else's... Good luck with whatever you choose.
2007-12-02 07:44:39 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
It can't be said better than Nijojo said it,100%.!!!
2007-12-02 08:25:10 · answer #6 · answered by Butch46 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋