Have I REALLY done the right thing?

Question

My boyfriend of 8 years has just moved out after 3 months. We had a breakup months ago for 2 years but always kept in touch and then realised we did want to be together. Things were great then past couple of weeks I've been a bit down after my cat dying and busy with work so I guess I was a bit of a nag and moody (woman!). He came home after work Friday and just left! He said he felt like he was living in MY domain and that he's sick of bickering about petty things. I knew we weren't really gettin on but I was ready to make it up to him. We spoke yesterday and he told me not to worry and that he just needs to get his head straight. He were supposed to hook up 2nte but he's ignored my calls. I have been calling alot lol but I'm really upset and hurt. I've just joined here and after reading some posts I decided to text sayin that he can get the rest of his stuff, Ilove him and don't want to fall out but I have to move on and all that jazz! Backing off..is this really the right thing?

Thank you for all your advice :-) He most definately has not met someone else, he hasn't had time to believe me! I know he really does love me but to be honest I don't think now that I blame him for leaving. I have been moody but like I said what upset me was that i was ready to make it up to him. I guess people grieve or deal with stress in different ways. I've been out all weekend with my mates and this is really the first night i'm feeling the pain on my own without him. I'm gonna continue to back off and let him have time. I'll let you know the out come when i do!

Yey! We've had a good talk today and things are fine. We've agreed to buy a place together next year instead of him moving into my "domain". I understand where he's comming from and am feeling extremely happy! Backing off for a day or so really does work ladies! x

Answer 1

If it is really what you want then you are right. If you want him back try to make it up but dont go begging or let him see you upset. If he wants to get back with you it has to be what you both want not just one of you otherwise you will always be treading gently so as not to annoy him and make him leave Then he will just use it as an excuse and say he is going to leave you again to get what he wants. Hope this helps.

Answer 2

Hello. I know the pain of a relationship break-up all too well! A long-term commitment ending has almost the same emotional impact as a death in the family!

First things first. He left for a reason. Let him have some private time to sort things out. That means no phone calls. You have already made some and he has not responded. Keep cool and stop calling. He will call you eventually. Get busy doing holiday things to keep your mind off the situation. Even if the holidays remind you of him, try to get involved with friends and family (whom you might of neglected because of the time you spent with him).

It's one of 2 things: Either he is done and just wants to part with you in an easy way. No drama etc. OR maybe he really does need some time and space to evaluate your relationship. He may decide that even with your past problems, there is enough love there to work on and repair the problems. If he decides to end the relationship, think of it as a learning experience and appreciate the times you had together. There are plenty of fish in the sea (really, there are!) Don't expect to meet someone right away. Take your time and do things you haven't had time for (or put off). You will meet someone new when the time is right!

Best of Luck to you!! It WILL get better!

Answer 3

There will be many reason why people break up. Many of these reasons are blamed upon the other person. This is normally a protection measure sometimes related to guilt.

Being together is about communication if you have a problem?Talk about it. There is the old adage that a problem shared is a problem halved.

Yes you are doing the right thing; if as I said a relationship is about communication, this communication works in two directions.

I had a very good friend (female) used to say that if you keep looking back, all you will get is a pain in your neck.

From my rapidly decreasing memory I think there was a famous actress while being interviewed was asked what she had said when she broke up with her resent boyfriend who had been having an affair.

To which she replied "NEXT"..

Answer 4

Backing off may be the right thing to do, because advancing seems to make him retreat even more. If you'll forgive the observation, he doesn't seem to have much in the way of perseverence, and if he gives up this quickly in all things it's best to know this now before you get vested in him any deeper.
If you two do opt to try to work things out, there is some validity to his claim of discomfort with "living in your domain". I'm not a a fan of living together anyway, but if you're going to do it, consider moving into a new place together. This way, it will feel as if it belongs to both of you (guys are especially sensitive to this type of thing once nagging and moodiness starts...and it will, because everyone has bad days). Good luck to you.

Answer 5

I have been through a similar thing and my relationship also lasted 8 years, we are still in talking terms but thats as far as it goes, I am moving on with my life and I find it more peaceful and nice. The chances of relationships working after breaking up is fifty, fifty. Things are all nice and exciting in the beginning then after that it is just like what it was before, arguments etc. If it is worth giving a try then go for it, but if not then Yes, you just hav eto be strong to let go and move on. It is very difficult, but once you engage yourself with new activities, friends and families at the same time meeting new people, you will still hurt but will eventually learn to let go. As they say Time heals all wounds. For me, I have noticed that the pleasure I have of just being friends with my ex is a far greater experiance then what we had in a relationship and I am very happy and content with that. We both are moving on with our lives but we share that special friendship. I lost a boyfriend but I found a freind thats what I think. Maybe you should try that out.

Answer 6

Absolutely, you've done the right thing. Keep your friends close and have a lot of distractions like going out with friends, work or volunteer work. The next 2 months will be the hardest but once you are through them you'll realize 8 years was a long time to be with someone who couldn't handle change even in the slightest.
Stop calling/texting him it really ends up being torture to yourself.

Answer 7

Never sell your emotions to the lowest bidder, it sounds to me that either he has already moved on or has found "greener pastures". Being a guy myself I can almost say for certainty that he has already found someone else and was staying with you until the other relationship firmed up. Sometimes when you do fight about the petty things it's because you just want to make someone miserable. And sticking around because you were having a hard time? Hardly, he was in that for his own benefit. I wouldn't just back off, I'd hit passing gear and seek a new route to happiness with someone more appreciative.

Answer 8

First don't keep calling. Let him breathe. If it is supposed to be then it will all work out. If not, there are millions of other men out there. I know this is hard to hear but something is not right here. Call your gfs and go out on the town. Relax and pick up a good book. Get yourself another kitty!

Answer 9

Actually no.
You only get one chance at true love, and throwing it away? Perhaps wouldn't be your best move.
You really have to decide for yourself, but before you do, ask yourself this..."Do I love this guy?" just ponder on that for awhile.
You sound a tad moody and maybe a bit overbearing. So just chill, and let him make his own moves, no wonder he hasn't came over yet, you've been breathing down his neck..
Guys need their space..they're guys, that's what guys do.
Just give him awhile.
If you want to.
But if you're pushy then go ahead and do as you please.
Hope it helped. :]

Answer 10

Yes. If living together was so hard, for just three months, how about the rest of your life? I know it is so hard when you have been so close to someone for so long. But, ultimately, do you want a life partner or a boyfriend with his own apartment?