Is it a must to invite the spouse of a co worker to a wedding even when you have never met them?

Question

You work with someone and you see them everyday and wish to invite them to your wedding. Problem is money and space at the wedding. I would perfer not to invite the spouse, but do not wish to be rude.

What if you invited a group of girls from the office, on a posted invitation. Must you include the spouses then?

Answer 1

I totally understand the feeling, but I think I read in Dear Abby that you have to; I just checked, Emily Post says the same thing. The idea is a couple is a "set," you can't invite one without the other.

Answer 2

I am struggling with the same thing. I work at a small company and because I am "the boss" of many of these folks, I feel like I should extend an invite. Because we are not planning on a sit down dinner, I think I will just post an invitation in a common area. A close friend at work has offered to spread the word that we are trying to keep it small, but if someone wants to bring their spouse, that is alright. I am going to leave the spouse/partner option up in the air and if they show - they show. I've found that co-workers tend to flake at the last minute on a lot of social functions and I don't expect that my wedding will be any different.

As for the comments about having to learn what marriage means...marriage also means respecting a budget that you and your partner have set for yourselves and not starting your lives in debt because you feel "an obligation" to be nice.

Answer 3

When planning a wedding everyone involved need to sit down Together, discuss finances first!!!
Then decide on numbers affordable per your finances, It should be made clear from the beginning if or if not children & spouses of friends and people that are in relationships with a significant other are going to be invited??
Also, I think it is completely edicate to have NO children or only children above a certain age limit 9 or 10 if they are family or in the wedding party or if parents of the children are in wedding party , if you can't afford it, then cut down the wedding party size , even to just a best man & maid of honor, then everyone understands, and your not hurting feelings, problem is people want that gigantic wedding party and ALL the frills and thats okay and it is their day, but some things are just not considerate to others when planning & its a celebration for family & friends & in the beginning it should also be be considered that some of their friends & family have children , spouses or are now in relationships & want to attend functions with a significant other, I feel we have to bend a bit in life as life changes, I can even see cutting down a wedding to JUST FAMILY or JUST IMMEDIATE FAMILY or only very close friends & family ( no co-workers) but let it be known at the beginning that & be honest its usually money that controls how weddings must be planned & most people will understand that, even if they don't get an invite, its better not to invite at all, rather , when in the midst of planning you have to start excluding peoples significant others, spouses of friends , brides maids children etc! thats just my good old fashioned opinion!

Answer 4

Either do not invite your co-worker at all or include the spouse in your invitation. It is extremely rude to do invite only the coworker and exclude the spouse. A married couple is an unbreakable unit in social situations, as you will discover, and especially when it comes to weddings. People who say otherwise probably have no experience in this arena. If you insist on only the coworker you will most likely lose your relationship with that coworker. If you absolutely cannot afford extra guests, simply do not invite the coworker.

Answer 5

It depends on the type of people you work with. If you work with Krenn or Daisy, then obviously you just don't invite either one. You could just talk to them first and see how they feel about it before you give them or don't give them an invitation. I was worried about not having enough space for people to be able to include some of my co-workers and their spouses, so I didn't invite any of my co-workers, and I regret it now. Someone I know invited just a group of co-workers and they were fine that they had to go single, because they were there to support their friend, and they all sat together at a table so they weren't bored or felt left out.

Some people are just going to talk about what you do, no matter how much you try to please everyone.

Answer 6

You can invite the person "and guest" so that they can bring their spouse, or significant other (some people aren't married, but do have a partner) with them. I think if you know for a fact they are married, you should invite them to bring their spouse, even if you've never met them. If the spouse has never met you, they will probably opt not to attend. As it is a co-worker, they will probably attend with fellow co-workers as a group. You could ask around to get some idea about who will come.

Answer 7

It is proper etiquette to invite both. As the wife if I got invited without my husband he would be a little jealous (even if he really didn't want to go). Most couples (at least wives) prefer to go to weddings with their spouse because it rekindles what they had on their wedding day. Since you are getting married think about it as if it were in the future. How would you feel if your spouse was invited, but you were not allowed. As for money and space I understand but it depends on how much you want this person at your wedding. Think about how much this one person will make a difference. If it's huge then I suggest not inviting either one of them. I hope this helps. I'm just being honest.

Answer 8

I Agree. Best advice: expect the spouse or don't invite.

The wedding is considered a party, and you wouldn't expect your coworker not to bring a spouse to a party. Have you ever been invited anywhere where it wasn't customary to be allowed to bring a guest, (except for dates and ticketed events?)

Truly, can you imagine someone saying, "Do you mind leaving your spouse behind?" You risk insulting the coworker, antagonizing the spouse, and casting aspersions on the future of your own marriage.

Considering the potential for fallout, please reconsider even posing the question to the coworker. You might try gently prompting, "Do you think Jan will come" but more than that, you might just undo all the good that has been built in the work relationship.

I know it's a difficult thing to deal with in light of all the decisions you have to make, but good luck with your choice, and congratulations on the wedding!

Answer 9

I understand etiquette and all, and wouldn't have a wedding if I couldn't afford to invite couples, BUT....this person said they do not have the money so maybe some of the folks who are worried about etiquette want to pay for the extra people lol. Folks have to deal with their own reality and not worry so much about etiquette, pleasing others, and what others think. Nobody is paying the bill but the two getting married. People go places all the time without their spouse. Yes I know normally not weddings, but get over it, or offer to pay for your spouse. It's selfish of the guest to think they have the right to bring their spouse when these folks are struggling financially. Offer to pay.

Answer 10

It might cause a problem with the co-worker and the spouse. If you can't afford 'couples' then don't invite anyone from your circle of friends at work.
Remember that you need to expand your circle of friends to include couples after you're married. Explain that you're budget
restrained and have only family,close friends & their guests attend the occasion.
Invite your coworkers and spouses to a party at your home at a later date to celebrate your friendships.
My co-worker did it that way ten years ago and we all still work at the same place and get together regularly as couples socially.

Answer 11

How I understand it is that if the invited is always allowed a guest. By default, the co-worker will assume to take their spouse and it would be horribly rude to say, "sorry.... they can't come". I would, in that case, not invite the co-worker if it is such a big deal. But if that is not at all an option, sit down with the co-worker and explain the situation.