I told my mother to leave if she could not respect my house. I called her a cab and she left. Was I wrong?

Question

I often have family over for the holidays and I try to make everyone feel comfortable and welcome. My mother came to visit for the holidays and I showed her my new place (I live in a different state). I then showed her the guest room and she went into my bedroom, saying, "This is where I want to sleep." I informed her, "No, this is where my husband and I sleep. We made up the guest room for you." "Well, I don't want to stay in there; I want to stay in here." I said, "No, you cannot sleep in here. We also have a pullout sofa bed and a futon in the family room if you don't want to be in the guest room." She said, "Well, if I can't sleep where I want, then I will go to a hotel." I decided to drop it for the time being. But then she began rearraging my things, moving the furniture and redecorating my house and I told her to put everything back. She refused. I told her to put it all back, and she said, "If I can't fix it up the way I want, then I'll just change my ticket and go home."

Answer 1

Oh, my God! Is this even true? How can a mother behave like that in her own daughter's home? I am shocked! Well one thing is certain...you are not wrong! I really feel for you and I hope this star will cheer you up Sweetie!!!

Answer 2

Oh, wow can I relate. You were/are not wrong for what you said or did. I respect you for standing up to your mother and standing your ground.

Your mother will have to learn and accept in her time that you are not a child and you do have a family and home of your own. You won't be able to do anything besides being patient and continue telling her how you feel. Let her know that she can give you an opinion every once and awhile but she has no authority over your house.

If telling her doesn't work then try writing it in a letter. Sometimes reading it sticks more than hearing it.

Good Luck and Happy Holidays!!

Answer 3

Family is precious so I understand the 'guilt' behind your question but as someone that has been there herself,no, you were not wrong. Some parents overstep their boundaries to show they are still the parent and you their child but they need to realize that once you are 21 and on your own, you are both the boss of you and in your home. My family got offended because I insisted on a set time for my child to go to sleep and tried to get him out of bed; they flooded my bathroom to the point the vinyl tile had to be replaced then claimed to have no idea how it happened; peed on my hardwood denying the whole way that incontinence was a problem, let my 9 yr. old unsupervised after offering to watch him so he could stay with them instead of the sitter, which resulted in a trip from the firemen and police to my house when he almost burned my house using the microwave. They showed up without asking to visit for 3 months with $200 in their pocket, expected me to provide and ate things they then blamed my child for eating-which he does not even like/eat. I did not throw them out to avoid drama, tears, and family disputes, but you can bet I will be going somewhere next time they call to say they are coming for any extended period of time. As in: I am so sorry, but I wish you had asked. We are not going to be here. We will be in _________. Sometimes family can be worse than any other guest because they take it for granted boundaries do not apply to them and sometimes even being nice and diplomatic does not work. You did the right thing.

Answer 4

Shes is your mom, I would say , yes may be a hotel is the best place for you to stay and take her there. If she still insists on going home then send her home. Has she always been that way? Possibly some guidelines prior to a visit would have been best. Other sibling also with you for the holidays? Have them set her straight. Really you wanted a nice Holiday with family and sending her home or putting up with her are both a pain. So pick your fight!

Answer 5

you were wrong but not at the same time it was partial your mothers fault because she came in your house and said all these things if she wanted to help decorate then she should of came down when you were moving and help you do all these things but she needs to respect how you have your house and where you sleep it is your decision where you sleep becasuse it is your house she just can't barge in like that so i hope this really helped and next year she accepts a little better instead od her doing those things if you have a husband why would she want to sleep in your room the key word "your" room (lol) but if she doesn't like where she sleeps you're right you should call a cab and she left to a hotel is she still coming to your house for the dinner is she going to do anythings else i hope not and have a happy holiday (MERRY CHRISTMAS)

Answer 6

You didn't mention how old you were, or how long you have been gone from home, so this may be off a little, but it sounds as though your mother may be feeling lonely, scared, jealous, or not in control of you growing up and moving on, and her own aging and mortality. People behave in odd ways that we sometimes don't understand. I believe you did the right thing, but I also think you may consider talking to your mother about how she is doing, what she is really feeling, and look out for her, as well. Older people sometimes have depression that they try to hide from family because they don't want anyone to know, or burden them. Maybe there is something going on with her that she cannot control (i.e. sick, loss of money, etc.) and this was her way of trying to control something in her life to feel better in the only way she knew how. That's what it sounds like to me, but then again, being a psych major will do that!

Answer 7

Honey, your mom sounds like she has some serious mental and social issues. The fact that she could not do as she pleased indicates she has gotten her way for a long time and is not accustomed to taking "No" for an answer. I'm sure you're growing up was difficult with such a woman. I'm sorry this had to happen to you but it's GREAT that you stood your ground and didn't let her continue. If she left, she is only injuring herself by denying herself the friendship of her daughter. You offered her comfortable arrangements and even offered her an alternate arrangement, which was exactly as you should have done. To ask the lady of the house, even one who is her daughter, to change to another room shows incredible audacity and rudeness. You did perfectly right to call the cab and ask her to leave.

Keep your chin up. I hope your mom learned her lesson but I doubt it.

Answer 8

"Mother, I'm sorry that you're uncomfortable here. Let me help you get a room in a hotel where you can be more comfortable."

I'm not sure why your mother has the desire to assert her will so strongly when she is visiting you but I'm guessing that there are some psychological issues going on. Maybe she wants to feel like she's "in charge" because she feels out of control with her life. At any rate, you're adults, so I hope you can work things out in a civilized way. Best wishes!

Answer 9

Wow. I have never in my life heard of a mother who behaved like that. You were in a difficult situation and I think you handled it the way I would have. She obviously needs to learn what it means to be a guest in someone else's home.

I was brought up to respect my parents, but then again, my parents would never treat me that way. I'm sure you had a terrible holiday because of that, and I hope she phones you soon with an apology. If her apology is sincere, I hope you are willing to accept it. Family disharmony is painful, and I feel for you.

Answer 10

This sounds like my mother-in-law. She has come and rearranged my house, my cupboards, and cut my daughter's hair all while I was away from the house. Her bed was never comfortable nor her pillow. My cooking was never as good as hers and she nit picked through every meal. Ten years later I am still furious because I didn't stand up to her. Since she was visiting from another state I thought I would keep my mouth shut for the sake of peace and just redo every thing after she left. That was a mistake!! Over bearing rude people have to be treated rudely or they will walk all over you. Just remember how you feel today so that you never repeat this behavior with your own children someday. I am sorry that you had to go through this but you should be very proud of yourself for standing up to her. You get my vote!!!!

Answer 11

Some people just thrive on conflict & so they try to create it in every situation. It sounds to me like your mom may be a bit bored or feels detached from your family in a way that makes her 'act out' .. Is there a husband in the mix ? she may be crying out for attention in a strange way... If you can bear her visiting again I would try to incorporate something she is "'good at'" to keep her busy & to feel useful as well ( a favorite recipe, fixing something, mending or creating a craft during the holidays) dont give up on her attitude she seems a bit childish so do a bit of thiinking about her before tht next visit... hope that's helpful ... =)