Help I sound rude I dont mean to.?

Question

I have a habit of sounding really rude when I do not mean to be. I will actually try and be nice and it comes out as me not caring when I do. I know body language has alot to do with it and I try and watch myself but im not sure what im doing wrong. please help.

I have read some of the answers... I do think before I speak. its not what I say its how I say it. or i think thats it. I work in the food service industry and do TOGO orders and people call back and complain and I try and help them and they tell my managers im rude... when actually trying to help them. One of my managers knows that im a really nice person and has to tell them that I come across that way some times. whats not fair is that people sound rude to me all the time and when I call them out on it they deny it. but everyone loves push it in my face.

Answer 1

Well, next time something like that comes up, try watching yourself and asking your friends. They're the ones who can observe you and tell you what you're doing.

Answer 2

I was intrigued by this question because my husband has the same problem. He swears that he is not trying to be rude but on many occasions he just "sounds" plain rude. Often it is in his tone of voice, and he has a really hard time with that because his voice is very deep and he is a very direct person. He's the type of person that if you don't want to know what he thinks, it's better not to ask. He has struggled with this for years and he has mostly had success in just keeping his opinions to himself unless specifically asked. In that case he really tries to "watch" the tone in which he answers. I know it's a tough thing to overcome. My husband is a wonderful, caring, intelligent person.
I'm sorry this doesn't really give you much help but I just wanted you to know that there are other people like you out here. Good luck!

Answer 3

It is difficult to say without talking to you in person, but you may want to try a few things. Have someone talk to you in person and let them know they will be helping you with this issue. watch yourself in a mirror and observe your body language. Better yet, with the other person's permission, videotape the conversation and then you can see and hear what is exactly going on. Be critical of yourself and ask if you would want someone to act like that when you are talking to them. Then gradually make adjustments in your conversation style until you become the person you want. This is also a great tactic if you are going to be presenting yourself in a public speaker format. Some speakers are boring and lifeless. Videotaping yourself can give you a good insight into what needs to be corrected to make yourself a dynamic speaker as well. Good luck.

Answer 4

My mother told me once that my father sometimes sounds rude and gruff, but it's his tone. And I know people who are nice, but they are very direct, which you wouldn't know until you really knew the person well. I'd suggest a smile with whatever you're saying might assure someone you're not trying to be rude. You could even go so far as to record your voice (I know --- it sounds strange, but you really don't know how you sound until you've heard it on tape) and listen to your tone. Try to soften it if it seems gruff. Speaking slower to older people will help them understand you -- the older you get, the less you hear. They'll like you all the better if you slow it down, and articulate for their hearing pleasure!

Answer 5

A lot of people use 'unfriendly' body language without meaning to.

Here are a few simple tips to make yours more 'open.':
-do not cross your arms or legs
-smile as much as possible... Lots of smiling and when you do so, try to smile with your eyes as well as your mouth.
-listen and show you're listening by occasionally rephrasing what the person has said and by nodding and making "um hum" noises to show agreement and empathy
-raise your eyebrows slightly when you are looking at someboy as this makes your face appear more interested and friendly
-turn your body towards the person you are talking with
-sit the same way or stand the same way as the person your are talking to. If they cross their legs, cross yours to etc. This makes them feel like you are similar.
- don't talk too much about yourself. Ask questions. Genuinely show interest in people and listen to them.

Good luck! Don't worry too much. Once people get to know you I am sure they can tell you're not a rude person.

Answer 6

I have had this problem for over 40 years. I am trained as a singer & speaker and naturally project when I talk. A simple matter-of-fact tone sounds like a judgement to others. I try to watch my facial expression and "perk up" my tone, but it is hard to do all the time. So, I sound angry or rude. It is frustrating to me and intimidating to others until they need someone to moderate a meeting or present a position they agree with. I just try to be polite and fair - sometimes it works, sometimes not. One other suggestion, don't allow yourself to be so preoccupied by your own interests and concerns that you seem to shortchange others who need or want your attention.

Answer 7

I have one more thing to add to all this great advice. I agree, that the first step is being aware of how you sound. Then you can make a concious effort to avoid it.

However, a lot people have issues with a young woman who is intelligent and speaks her mind. Did someone tell you that you sound rude? Be very aware, that it might be someone who is deliberately or undeliberately trying to bring you down. Be nice, but don't compromise your opinions and your straightforwardness!

Answer 8

If you speak in honesty how can that be rude? I tell ppl get mad at me if what I say is a lie. Don't get mad just because I say something you don't like.
When I talk it is never my intention to piss someone off. And it's not my right to expect me to not speak my mind because someone somewhere might get agitated. I tell ppl (sometimes) why do you get so offended? Why am I not allowed to speak my opinion?
Maybe those who think you're rude need to reevaluate their own mind.

Answer 9

Ask the people who consider you rude to help you. They are the best source of information about this. I've been called sarcastic when in fact I was coming from low energy. If you want to change your style, ask for help from those who experience you.

Answer 10

I usually am direct and can sound rude, yet I have worked
on softening it a bit by starting with 'well, based on my
experience..' or with 'are you open to my opinion?' and
then just stay neutral, being clear..and always add a bit
of understanding to it.