How can I be a better listener?

Question

I talk too much, I even irritate myself. How can I stop talking about myself so much and listen to others, prompt others to talk too? I mostly am like this only around people I know well. Thanks.

Answer 1

Good for you for noticing. That is most of the solution. Now all we have to do is the details of practicing! Think about why you want to talk about YOURself. Do you want attention, love, nurturing or do you have huge problems you cannot solve? If you try to ask others about themselves do they go on and on like you do? Maybe they dont feel comfortable confiding in you?Should what you discuss about yourself be confidential? Is it just fluff like 'Oh I went shopping this morning". See all these factor in to the solution. So I dont know what the subject is but try to remember one thing. Most people like to talk about their own problems or life, not yours. However, have you ever thought of limiting conversations to weather, recent films or tv shows, community activities or books you have read? ( excluding religiion, politics and personal finance of course which are problematic in any conversation) You will be fine. Just start today monitoring what you say. Write out little notes to yourself to change subject like 'Will you be seeing your family over the holidays?' or other reaching out questions. Questions rule. Best wishes

Answer 2

Basically the change starts in u. Rather than having a "one man show", bite ur tongue and hold on to ur thoughts when someone is talking. U can give ur comments when they are done talking. Once u have done that u will feel satisfied that u have helped someone by listening to them. Sometimes people wanna tell u their problems and share stuff with u..but if u keep talking about urself, they will not think of u as someone who is willing to listen and thus they might shun away from u. The art of making good friends starts with listening to them and putting them before urself. Hope this helps.

Answer 3

Did my wife yell at you too? :-)

Seriously, I suffer form the same problem. What i try to do now is simply listen more than i talk. When I do want to say something I second guess myself first. By that, i mean that I ask myself -"Do i need to say this?" Most of the time I do not so I drop it with out saying it. This has helped a lot.

It's kind of inline with two old sayings:
1. Don't speak unless spoken to.
2. If you do not have something nice to say, don't say anything at all.

Granted I do not feel one should follow these exactly but keep them in mind when you’re talking. I bet you'll see a difference in yourself.

Answer 4

What you have to cultivate (learn... and it CAN Be LEARNED... so there's HOPE, m'dear!) is a curiousity about OTHERS.

First, you have to practice to be observant. The best thing, especially now at the Holiday Season, it to go to a mall/store, sit down and just start watching people as they go by (of course, no staring, please!!!). What are they wearing? What might that tell you about them? Look at their shoes... do you like them? What are they carrying? Who are they with/talking to/are they alone? Baby strollers? Just be watchful of these people, and ask yourself what kinds of things are you curious about them by observing them? (a ball cap with a US Marines logo on it... did this person serve in the Marines? T-shirt sayings/logos... what do they tell you about the people?)

You might, then, as an exercise, get a clipboard/notebook, and make up a survey questionnaire... keep is short and sweet, maybe 5 questions... any "public" topic... say the holiday movies: Are you planning to see any movies this holiday season? Which ones? Does it help make your celebrations more fun? .... and so on. Then, stand in the mall area (be sure to clear with security first if need be) and start "flagging down" people to ask your survey questions... "HI, My name is Mary! I'm doing a survey for my school. Could you answer a few quick questions for me?" Most people will be glad to help... some will refuse, but don't worry, they will be courteous about it. Some might be nasty, but don't take it personally, maybe they're having a bad day!

What this "exercise" will do is help you to stop talking, start asking questions, and start listening to people. You can always interject side comments to them as you are talking to them, from observing them... "What a nice coat you have!" "Oh, that's a great blue hat! Blue is my favorite color!" "Oh, MY, your arms must be tired from carrying all those packages!" "Did you serve in the military? (upon seeing a ballcap with military insignia on it)" and so on.

After doing these exercises, you will begin to discover that other people can be fascinating to talk to AND LISTEN to! You might just find doing this "survey" exercise so much FUN you might do it again... "What do you think about the environment?" "Which presidential candidate are you supporting right now and why?" ... do a survey of the elderly population, "What do you most remember about the 1950's ... 1960's... your childhood... and so on?" "Do you own any pets?"

See? Now you've REALLY begun to become a LISTENER, because you are becoming MORE CURIOIUS about others than interested in yourself.

Good luck and have FUN... and remember, the good Lord gave you TWO ears and only ONE mouth! ;)


Have a polite day.

Answer 5

it's hard, we all love to gab!!! good for you for recognizing what you need to work on. so many people never take the time to listen. we can learn so much from others just by listening and trying to understand the other person.

first thing is to seriously just be quiet. silence is often used by therapists to get people to talk. you can also ask questions related to what someone is talking about (once they get going.) for example, "tell me more about _____________" or "how did you feel about ___________?" if you know the person well (and know what their interests are) you can ask them a question about something they are interested in to get them talking. if they know about cars, tell them you'd like to learn some basics and what can they teach you? hope this helps!

Answer 6

I have one at work like that. I know she has a little one at home and does not get out much but I have to politely tell her to be quiet. It is very irritating and if you realize how it affects those around you maybe you will stop and listen to what they have to say too.

Answer 7

a great listener could be an 'energetic' listener. An energetic listener keeps eye-touch and exhibits pastime together with his physique-language. He could often times paraphrase, and emphasize with the different guy or woman to guarantee him which you already know what s/he's asserting. whilst paraphrasing, upload some compassion to it. this could provide the guy the boldness to believe which you already know what s/he's asserting. physique Language performs a important area in energetic Listening qualifications. ".." in ordinary terms a great listener is a good communicator.

Answer 8

Learn that the world doesn't revolve just around you. You can become a better listener by asking questions which allows others to talk and then you can listen to them.

Answer 9

Just be curious. When you met someone knew, ask them questions about themselves, and they will like and appreciate you for your attention. As they begin to like and appreciate you, they will start asking you questions also.

You can do the same with old friends -- start conversations by asking them questions : What have you been doing today? etc. Show your interest in them, and soon it will be easy to talk to anyone without dominating the conversation.

Answer 10

well i talk alot to and i don't know how to stop sometimes so i think you should like take an etiquite class or try not to talk and listen to other people and whta they have to say