My mum was diagnosed with a terminal brain cancer in March and she is now getting worst.
It has been a very tough time for the family since the diagnosis and it has not helped the way her sister (my aunt) has been acting since then. The Doctors said she had less than a year to live but that they would do all the treatments they could to give her as much quality of life as they could. My mum is a fighter and she was determined to fight this uncurable illness against all the odds. All the family backed her up but my aunt. She decided that my mum was already dead and that we had to start talking about changing names in certain property they both inherited and in bank accounts they both had in favour of my aunt, etc. The problem is that she said all this in front of my mum and made her cry. Since then she has treated her without much respect and just worries about money issues. This has created tension in the family and that's not what my mum needs. Why would somebody act so selfishly?
2007-12-01 23:37:43 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous in Health ➔ Mental Health
The way she is acting is selfish and unhelpful, but even though her behaviour seems totally inappropriate it may be that by taking a 'business-like' approach to dealing with this she is able to suppress her fear and grief at her inevitable loss. People have strange ways of coping with these situations.
I suggest you have a frank heart to heart with your aunt, and tell her exactly how her behaviour is making you, your mum and the rest of the family feel. Tell her you feel like she doesn't care about how anyone feels and,ask how she could possibly be so insenitive about the whole money situation. Be frank and honest with her. It may be the shock that she needs to bring her grief out into the open and, hopefully she will realise the negative effect she is having and start being more supportive. But it really sounds to me like she is shutting up all her grief and being so 'rational' about it because she is afraid her feelings will overwhelm her.
My heart goes out to you and your family.
2007-12-01 23:49:19 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Firstly, may I say I'm sorry your family and your mum in particular have to face this unnecessary problem. I think your aunt may feel justified in that she's thinking practically, but in fact it may simply be the way she deals with difficult situations. However, she should have realised by now that she's alone against the rest of the family, and come back onside. The fact is that when these situations arise, the time for living without that person is after that person has gone, not before. Your aunt, like the rest of your family, should be concentrating on your mum right now, and not treating her like this.
2007-12-01 23:50:43 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You would have to ask her that. She sounds like she has thing within herself she needs to work out. I am not sure who your mothers caretaker is but you should tell your aunt to respect your mother because she is still very much alive and if she cannot do that she needs to not have contact because she would not want to be treated that way.
I have no idea why someone would be that way but I do not know her or her heart either. Do not let her run the situation. If she is creating negative energy around the family and more importantly right now, your mom, someone needs to tell her she needs to shut up or not show up for anymore gatherings or family meetings...or anything until she is needed. its uncalled for and if it can be avoided i am sure it will help you mom. how can she work on getting better if she has someone negative to worry about, and her sister at that?
Keep your mom in high spirits and positive despite your aunt an her attempts to kill the joy, your mom needs you. You aunt seems like she is trying to shift the attention to herself. do not let it happen.
i wish you and your family all the best.
2007-12-01 23:53:00 · answer #3 · answered by kris10nicole_cbo 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, that is damn selfish and so cold and calculating. What you need to do is to seek urgent legal advice on securing your mum's affairs. Your aunt sounds like a vulture on the sidelines and your mum's affairs must receive the protection and dignity that they deserve. Has your mum got a power of attorney who can act for her if she is unable to do so? You really need to protect your mum's interests without delay. The aunt plays no part in this. Good luck ..
2007-12-01 23:47:59 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to get an attorney. This woman is selfish and doesn't care about your mum or you. Since she is not helping to make the situation better, don't let her come around. She is makilng it tougher for all of you. Sorry to say this is not uncommon. I see it a lot.
2007-12-02 02:02:13 · answer #5 · answered by Simmi 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sometimes when people are hurting they react in certain ways, and this is your aunts way of dealing with the issue. I could she is being greedy wanting the money aspects sorted out or is she just trying to sort things out so it does not become a long drawn process of solicitors taking their cut. I know its hard but when people are upset and scared they do strange things. I hope that your family will be able to sort this issue out without falling out. Good Luck to you.
2007-12-01 23:44:54 · answer #6 · answered by Lisa P 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
There is no sensitivity with some people they are callous, do your best to help your mum get past this ghastly behaviour,
I sympathise with you.
There is a saying (which don't help) Where there's a will there's a relative
2007-12-01 23:53:55 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
hey there, so sorry to hear about your mum, cant imagen what your all going through...it seems really unkind to say something like that infront of your mum...all i can guess is that it hasnt sunk in yet for your aunt? its strange how some people react to bad news...maybe thats just her way of coping, even if it does seem like a really unkind way? wish you and your family all the best. take care.
2007-12-01 23:45:58 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
MONEY... it does strange things to people...
our uncle gavin had sold his mothers house because shes got alzheimenrs and HE wants the 120k... but we have enduring power of attorney so he can Fork off.... he just wants a new caravan and will then dump our nan on the social services... (hes 65 and shes 94) we at least want to wait... and if she needs, and gavin blows the money, who looks after our nan?
2007-12-01 23:48:20 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
the only thing i can say is that maybe you should keep your aunt away from your mum at all costs don't let her come to the house or get someone bigger than her to have words in her ear like if you say or do that again you will have me to deal with that will knock her down a peg or two
2007-12-01 23:51:01 · answer #10 · answered by qasarasara 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋