Should I give my real dad a 3rd chance?

Question

When I was 6 months old my real dad was taken to prison. I met him when I was 5 but didnt understand who he was til I was about 8 or 9. He got out on May 6, 2004 and was living in Florida. I went and visited him for the first time since he been released in the summer of 2005. The last day I was down there he told me that: I was the reason he went to jail. It was my fault. I was a mistake and that him and my mom didnt want me. I was never going to succeed in life just be a failure like he was. and He told me he didnt want anything to do with me. That was the first time in my life, I have ever told anybody i hate them. He hurt me so bad, I never thought my own dad would say that to me. He moved to Texas about 7 months ago and he is now married. I want so bad for him to be apart of my life, but you cant make someone do something they dont want to do. I have begged him to just take a little time to talk to me, love me, and aknowlege i am his daughter...but he refuses.

It sucks growing up with out a dad. I dont have all the father daughter memories, like all my friends. and I just wish someday I would be good enough to be apart of his life. If he didnt want me, I dont understand why he got my mom pregnant.

I have given him so many chances to be apart of my life, and be the dad i wish hed be....but im to a point that i dont know if i should accept the fact he wont ever be apart of my life? or if i should just give him time and maybe he will come around?

Answer 1

i know exactly how you feel. my father left when i was a year old. ever since then, i have never really known him. he would never come to visit, he would never call, and i was always told i was the reason he left. it was hard as hell having to try to explain why i had no father growing up. it is as if a major part of me is missing. no father daughter memories, when it comes to gettingmarried, it won't be the same, because he won't be there to walk me down the aisle. graduation sucked, because all my class mates were standing around with mom on one side, and dad on the other. there i stood, with my mom at my side, and her new husband next to her. but personally, i cant stand him. he is now trying to act like a dad more than ever, and it isn't the same. why don't people just f***in mind their ownbusiness when they ask why you only have one parent, or try to take that person's place. just recently, my real dad is trying to come back into my life, making it as if he had never done anything wrong. i want him to love me just the same, but i don't know if i can ever fully forgive him for all the pain he has caused me over the past 18 years...
i have learned that no matter what, you are loved by all. just because one person says they don't, doesn't mean it is true. you are loved. very much so.
i have learned from my father's mistakes. i have taken the pain he has left me with, and used it to make me stonger. to make something of myself. i have made sure i would never make the same mistakes he did, by walking out on his children. i have bettered myself from it, and i know you can too. keep your chin up sweetheart, and keep reaching for the stars.

Answer 2

As a father myself I can not even imagine not wanting to see my kids, they are my life , AS FAR as what can you do ,,Nothing much , you can not make him be a father, anyone can be a dad but it takes a real man to be a father, and apparently he is not, He need his *** kicked for turning his back on his child like that, But then again if he is that much of a coward ,maybe the least time ,and influence he has in your child's life the better. Sounds Like your husband is a good man ,and would most definitely be a more positive man figure in your sons life, He will get over his breeder dad in time,as time heals all, and I hope the breeder dad lives in agony for the rest of his life for doing this to your son he will regret it , but by the time he does it will be too late. If he is this way, I would say your husband is the better man for your son, He is willing to step up , Go with that and you ,your son,and your husband will be just fine , even with the ****** out of the picture...Best Of Luck, and God Bless, You have not failed your son if you are doing what is right for your son a better life ,and providing a loving home

Answer 3

Why would want a man like that as your father. Blood does not make a father and this man has never been that to you,
He is mean, self centered man, who doesn't care for you or your mother. He is now married and will have other children soon.

Let him in the past. You do not need him. Many, many people have grown up without a father and are happy, strong individuals. It is according to what you want out of life. You have the chance to make a good life for yourself, but you won't with him in your life.

Have a dream about what you want to do with your life., Write down a list of dreams and then cross out those that are not that important you, Then you have one left. That is your dream. Work towards it, get the education you need to reach it. Do you want a man like that to drag you down for the rest of your life. I suggest you start thinking of yourself and your mother. Change your thinking., Put that jerk out of your mind. Get on with your life. Be determined that one man will not affect you so that your whole life is ruined.

Why do you want him to be a part of your life. He has told you he doesn't want anything to do with you. Do you think with his attitude like that he will ever be a worth while father.

Do not beg anybody for anything. Get strength, tell him you have decided you don't want him in your life. Let that be the end of it.

If you keep wanting what you cant get, you are going to ruin your whole life.

Become somebody, show him from afar what a strong person you have become and what a success in whatever you do and that will make him think twice about how he has treated you. Choose to stay on his level and he will say he knew you wouldn't make anyuthing of your life.

That is what Oprah did, she had a terrible life and was sexually abused. She was determined to make something of life and to prove that she was a strong, happy individual. Look where she is now. You say real dad. That man is not a real dad, a real dad looks after you your whole life, takes care of you and loves you. See he told you that he knew you are going to be a failure in life. SHOW THE JERK he doesn't know what he is talking about. Then when you are a success in your life and happy, you can turn around and say.
"Look what I made of my self with the help of a jerk of a father. It is your choice, you can hurt and feel sorry for yourself for years and years, but he will still not want to be a father to you.

I would never beg anybody to love me, and I would make sure when I had a family, my children would be loved and would a good example of what a real family is all about.

Answer 4

I grew up without a Dad. My Dad lived 5 miles from me for most of my life, but we never had a relationship. Wanting that love is such a hard thing. Like life isn't hard enough, especially when you're a teen, your own parents have to make it worse? I know where you're coming from.

It was really rotten that your Dad said those things to you. I hope he said them in anger, and I hope he regrets saying them now. If he doesn't regret them now, he will someday.

As far as you having a relationship with your Dad or giving him another chance, right now may not be a good time to do that. It sounds to me like he's not a really healthy individual, like maybe he can't control his anger very well. You shouldn't be around someone like that....none of us should. You'll only get hurt.

Having gone through this I want to tell you something very important. Just because your Dad is acting this way does not mean you're unlovable. Just because your Dad said you were a mistake doesn't mean you are (maybe you were a surprise to him, but *never* a mistake!). Whatever your Dad said you were responsible for, that he went to jail for, he was wrong. As far as you succeeding in life, you can do anything you want to, you can do anything you set your mind to and work hard for.

Unfortunately, not all of us have Moms or Dads who are going to win the parent of the year award (understatement of a lifetime). But what does that mean? Nothing really. We get to choose who we are in this life every day. You are not branded for the rest of your life because your Father is a jerk...don't allow yourself to feel that way.

I'd like to suggest that you talk to someone. This is a lot for anyone to deal with on their own. A school counselor, a therapist, someone who is trained and can help you deal with the many emotions you have....from anger to rejection. You don't want to carry those things with you for the rest of your life, get them out now and get rid of them, don't let them fester.

I wish you all the best, and remember, you're not alone in this, you're not the only one this has happened to. It's happened to others and we've made it through ok, and so will you.

Answer 5

i am so sorry that you are going threw this because of your dad.if that happened to me i would not give him the chance to hurt me again. i know you want a relationship with your dad but honesty he is not your ad he is just a man that brought you in to the world. i would go on with my life and prove to him and to yourself that you an do anything you want to do. do not let him bring you down. how could any dad tell you that you were the reason for his mistakes, that is cruel for him to say that to you.he made the choice to brake the law and he paid the price.

anyone can be a dad but it takes a real man to Be a father!!!!

i wish you the best in your life. pray about it and live your life to the fullest.

Answer 6

Dear, as hard as it sounds to you, it's time to accept the truth: your father was a sperm donor,maybe an involuntary one.
He projects all his bad attitude and mishaps to a small innocent child. He refuses to be part of your life. He was nasty to you. He is a jerk!
There, now you know the truth. Some parents were accidental and your father is one lousy accident.Move on and prove the old goat how wrong he is!
Good luck

Answer 7

some men are total *******. i would rather die than do that to my girls. you seem so caring and loving, it is his loss as well. best you can do is try to have good friends. you may even find that a friend has a father that you admire and look up to. i sure wish you the best of luck. my twins are 15 years old. you can email me if you need a friend. who knows? maybe this new wife will open his eyes.

Answer 8

like you said you can't make someone do something they don't want to do,and i really think that your better off not having this guy in your life.He is a negative mean and hurtful person,anybody that truly cares for someone would never say mean or cruel things to someone they love.So you don't have father/daughter memories of your father,but i bet you have wonderful mother/daughter memories with your mom and i'm sure she is the one that truly loves and cares for you.I think that is really aloo you need.

Answer 9

Forget him. I know how it hurts not to have a parent, but that doesn't mean you should take one who isn't going to treat you well. If he can't be kind to you, screw him. Find friends. Find a mentor. You don't need him. Don't put yourself in a position to be hurt more. You owe it to yourself to stay away from him.

Answer 10

He is who he is. Don't expect him to be somebody else.
If a crocodile attacks you, do you still hope it will turn into a golden retriever?
He's not your dad. He doesn't care about you. You will have to meet your needs someplace else.