I've had a grudge with an old friend for nearly 4 years and my other friends think its time to bury the hatchet, but I dont. They even tried to sit us down to work things out but I left the room before they tried to corner me in a room with him. I'm not even mad at him anymore, I'm just acting this way based on principal. So how long does it take you to forgive someone?
2007-12-01 16:17:22 · 10 answers · asked by daremedy 6 in Society & Culture ➔ Etiquette
That's a hard question!
It takes me much longer to forgive someone that hurts my family than it takes for me to forgive someone who hurt me.
I will tell you, though, that even though you forgive, you don't have to forget. It will help prevent the same thing from happening to you again. Forgiving may help you to feel better about the whole incident if you are ready to forgive.
Good luck with it.
2007-12-01 16:28:37 · answer #1 · answered by Nancy Drew 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
It all depends on what bad thing they did. My longest grudge so far is 18 years, and there are some people that I will never forgive. If you aren't mad at this person anymore, then you should confront them. You're wasting your energy by avoiding the person. Tell them what's up, and then if you want them to leave you alone, tell them so. Keep in mind, that if they were a true friend in the beginning, you would have never been betrayed in the first place. Things change over time, but my forgiveness tends to depend on the level of betrayal, and the amount of hurt that I feel from it, and as always, I may forgive, but I never forget.
Use your own discretion with forgiveness. Forgiving too easily makes you seem like a doormat to anyone who's willing to walk all over you. Your feelings are important, but remember that forgiveness is a two way street, and you might not have been the only one to get hurt. Best wishes on your endeavors. :)
2007-12-02 00:30:22 · answer #2 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh for Heaven's sake -- what a lot of energy you are wasting continuing your grudge!! If you aren't angry why can't you forgive him? Learning to forgive is a GOOD thing. Holding on to negative feelings can turn you into a bitter, lonely person, most likely with problems such a obesity or alcoholism.
Exactly WHAT "principle" are you acting on? Most highly principled people have learned to forgive and forget...
To answer your question, I just don't see ANYTHING good that comes from holding a grudge, so I forgive in a matter of days.
2007-12-02 00:30:06 · answer #3 · answered by luvrats 7 · 0⤊ 2⤋
If you are at a place where you can think of that person and whatever happened and it doesnt have a sting anymore, then i think you have already forgiven them. If you are hanging onto your hurt out of spite then it really is sad for you. I believe you can forgive someone and still feel sad about what happened, the pain won't just magically disappear, but the anger probably will.
2007-12-02 02:45:19 · answer #4 · answered by artyfarty 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Depends what was said or done.
If they (he/she) insults my mother, wife or daughters a very long time.
Almost anything else, I forget about by the next beer or sooner. Everyone is entitlted to their own stupid opinion. My also. The little stuff I let blow away, The big stuff I remember in the back of my mind, but do not bring it up again. I Just remember for reference.
2007-12-02 00:31:36 · answer #5 · answered by Carl P 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Forgiving someone takes maturity. Why would you want to go through life holding on to a grudge? Does holding this grudge make you feel good in some way? Isn't it a little pathetic and small minded? Do you hear yourself? You would rather hold on to your "principle" than to make ammends with someone you once considered your friend. You should be ashamed of this behavior!
2007-12-02 00:34:46 · answer #6 · answered by ceegt 6 · 1⤊ 2⤋
I forgive people easily and never hold grudges. Like one night this kid I know tried to fight me when he was drunk, the next day he aplogized and I totally forgave him. It's a complete waste to be angry with someone or hold a grudge.
2007-12-02 00:41:24 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Is hard for me to forgive someone. I just cannot forget easily specially when im good to them and before my eyes they stab me in the back like cowards. I dont forgive people that are mean and do bad things to me i hate them very much!!!!!
2007-12-02 00:39:48 · answer #8 · answered by kittie_galore2004 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well for me it depends on what the person did. If it was like not paying me back like a week or so. If it was like and insult or something that really hurt me maybe like 3-5 months.
2007-12-02 00:27:56 · answer #9 · answered by Lauren =) 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It depends;if the person was constantly teasing me for months, I'd be mad forever
2007-12-02 02:36:45 · answer #10 · answered by content315 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋