I have 3 bridesmaids and the one who I thought would be the easiest to get things done is being the most difficult. The last text message I got from her told me we were all going to look stupid. She gave a problem for the shower, won't show up for the bachelorette party, and is just being a huge problem in general. Oh yeah- the wedding is in two weeks. How do I get my point across without kicking her out of the limo (because that's about what I'm feeling right now!)? I'm not trying to go bridezilla, but everything I want she says is "stupid". Am I right and is it the bride's perogative (within reason)..or should I just let her do whatever the heck she wants?
2007-12-01 13:57:45 · 16 answers · asked by Ipecac 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
Tell her that it is your wedding, and you are sorry she doesn't like what you are picking, but it is YOUR dream day, so if you want dresses she doesn't like, well, sorry, but she didn't have to agree to be a bridesmaid. If she's not married yet, tell her that when she gets married you will be there to support her for whatever things she wants in her wedding, even if you hate her ideas as well. Politely ask her to just be supportive of you and your choices, and reaffirm how honored you are that she is in your wedding, and let her know that for her to be standing up there with you as you say your vows is going to make your wedding even more special. She may feel slighted b/c she's not maid of honor or something like that, so just let her know how much you appreciate her and what it means to you to have her in your wedding.
2007-12-01 14:49:20 · answer #1 · answered by Skiball 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is YOUR wedding. Within reason, she should accommodate your wishes. It was extremely rude of her to tell you that you were all going to look stupid.
I would take her to lunch or coffee or something, and have a heart to heart talk with her. Explain where her actions have you really concerned. If she doesn't want to come to the bachelorette party, I wouldn't make a big deal about that, but say that her having problems with every single thing you ask is a huge problem for you. Explain to her that her actions are adding so much more stress on you, at a time when you really don't need it. Find out if there's anything going on with her that would change the way she feels about helping you out with the wedding, and being a bridesmaid. Above all, make sure you feel that no matter what she decides or says, you'll remain her friend. Remember, she was a good enough friend for you to ask her to be in your wedding, please don't let this ruin what was probably a pretty good relationship. Good luck with the rest of your wedding planning.
2007-12-01 14:18:06 · answer #2 · answered by basketcase88 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds liek she is having a hard time with the fact you are getting married. It could be jealousy or it could be the fear of losing a good friend.
I would suggest sitting down and talking to her when you are both calm. Explain to her that you asked her to be a bridesmaid because she is special to you and you want her support on this important day. Tell her just because youa re getting married doesn't mean you will no longer be friends. Listen to her let her vent, there may be something else going on.
I would also make it clear that you need her support over the next few weeks and that you value her opinion but she needs to respect your decisions. If she can't then firmly advise her she does not need to be a part of your wedding.
You may even want to suggest that if being a part of the wedding is too much stress for her you would understand if she wanted to step down.
Whether she is a bridesmaid or not, you will still be getting married. Dont' worry about the sides being uneven, a groomsmen can always escort one of the mothers out or walk by himself. Try not to let her stress you out, focus on your husband to be and vowing to spend the rest of your lives together in front of family and friends! (And then of course party til you drop!)
Good luck!
2007-12-01 15:50:31 · answer #3 · answered by Reba 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is probably one of your really good friends, so we can't say anything bad about her....but, tell her that she needs to get with the steppin. YOU are the Bride....not her- and she is doing this as a favor to you. You chose her of all people to walk in your wedding- if she thinks something looks stupid, that not really any of her business. It may seem weird that she's being made to wear something that she feels is stupid, but hey, it is your wedding.
The best thing would be to talk to her- not trying to say that the bridezilla thing may be kicking in here- but she may be going through something and you may not have been paying as much attention to her to realize that...
2007-12-01 20:49:58 · answer #4 · answered by woohoo!!! 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Generally speaking people don't all of sudden start acting insane and doing things off the wall. Chances are your bridesmaid is reacting to the way you're treating her. Don't treat her like you own her and then she'll act accordingly. Yes, it's your wedding and things should go your way, I do believe that. But, you should also keep an eye on yourself. Now if you have been and I'm wrong, my apologies. In that case, kick her out.
2007-12-01 15:11:45 · answer #5 · answered by Smita 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I think overall it is the brides decision with anything that involves the wedding. but you also want to make sure that your bridesmaid feel comfortable in what they are wearing. complaing about the color or something like that just isnt their decision. it its the style of the dress that she doesnt like then that may be a different situation. ask her what it is exactly that she doesnt like. make sure that the dress isnt too short or too low cut in the front. if its just the color then i would tell her that its too damn bad. this isnt her day, this is your day to shine and whatever colors you choose, you shouldnt feel bad or anything. You are the one getting married
2007-12-03 12:14:50 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Talk to her about it. Tell her how you are feeling and that your worried that the most special day of your life is not going to be ok if you feeling upset becuase one of the people closest to you (her) is causing problems. Try not to openly say that she is wrecking everything but focus the convo more on how her actions are making you feel and affecting you. Good luck, it would be such a shame to have to remove her from the bridal party
2007-12-01 14:04:36 · answer #7 · answered by katie 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
You say (very kindly and gently, please):
I am sorry my decisions have made you so uncomfortable. If you would be more comfortable attending the wedding as a guest, that is fine. I would like to have you at my side as one of my bridesmaids, but if you are unhappy . . . then I will completely understand if you decide to attend the wedding as a guest. I promise I will not allow this to affect our friendship.
That leaves the decision up to her. She can decide to comply with your choices or she can decide to attend the wedding as a guest. Either way, your problem is solved.
Give her the option, then leave it up to her to decide. Good luck to you.
2007-12-01 14:07:08 · answer #8 · answered by Suz123 7 · 8⤊ 0⤋
Text message her..."I am sorry that you disagree with these decisions I have made. I will understand if you wish to remove yourself from the wedding party. I hope that we can still keep in touch"
2007-12-01 15:54:16 · answer #9 · answered by bevrossg 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
sometimes weddings bring out the worst in people. maybe she is jealous because you are getting married???
don't let her being a bad bridesmaid ruin your friendship. just try to ignore it. only two weeks.
2007-12-01 14:43:52 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋