Critical parents-- What am I supposed to *do*?

Question

My parents are ridiculously critical of everything I do or don't do. I just forgot to move the car, and my mom freaked out because I might get a ticket. If I get a ticket, this is my own problem-- I will pay it. So why does she say she's "at her wits' end" and "so frustrated" with me? I wish she'd just let me learn from my own mistakes.

Now she's upstairs fuming. It is expected of me that I strip myself of all dignity and apologize profusely to her. Then instead of forgiving me, she'll grimace and tell me it's too late, or just be like "great," and give me the silent treatment for days and days. Is it normal for parents to act this immature?

And more importantly, what am I supposed to do? I suppose the only way to win is to never do anything wrong, ever, which I'm sick of trying to do. I'm sick of feeling so worthless and incompetent. Apologize again and again and let her have her power trip? Or what?

I'm 18, college freshman, still at home. Hoping to god I can move next year.

My parents are extremely sensitive. Even logic offends them.

Answer 1

Your parents are worried that you are not taking care of basic, fundamental things that you need to do in your everyday life. They want to know that you will follow the rules, and be able to live in an orderly way. They still worry about the ticket, because it is a mistake and it costs money. She doesn't want to have to have you MAKE the mistakes before you learn from them, if you already know they are mistakes. In other words, they think you can pay attention and do better than you have been doing. Doesn't mean that you are expected never to do anything wrong - just that you try to reduce the number of things that you do wrong, and act with forethought and deliberation.

You can try, instead of apologizing, to explain to her calmly that mistakes are part of growing up, and that you fully expect to take responsibility for any mistakes that you do make, so that you learn from them. Then DO it!

You don't need to apologize. You can see it doesn't get you anywhere. Her fuming, and her frustration, are HER responsibility, and her response - YOU need to be responsible for your behavior and your response. Which means focusing on what you do, instead of focusing on apologies.

Answer 2

You can try telling her how she makes you feel?