Do you visit the gravesites of your lost loved ones? I haven't been to my son's gravesite for (I think) about 2 years now. I used to visit and pray as often as I could when I was still a believer, but stopped going there after completely losing faith. But now, for a good week and a half, I've been wanting to go there again and I have no idea why. I can't pray. I can't communicate with him. What do you think is going on in a person's head when something like this happens? I mean, I guess, WHY am I suddenly wanting to go there again? Thanks for your answers :)
2007-12-01 13:32:46 · 45 answers · asked by Je Marche Drôle 3 in Society & Culture ➔ Religion & Spirituality
It's been years, jill. Sorry if I gave the wrong impression :)
2007-12-01 13:42:10 · update #1
(((Sharon and Rammie)))
2007-12-01 13:42:59 · update #2
I went to my Daughter grave site in May, the first time in 10 years.
Some times we just need to reconnect with our loved ones.
go to visit, sit and talk to him, Perhaps your spirit can make a connection.
believer, or non believer, do we really know for sure what goes on in the after life?
we can believe one way or the other but we can never really know for sure.
2007-12-01 14:01:30 · answer #1 · answered by Hannah's Grandpa 7 · 4⤊ 0⤋
I don't know if I would call myslef an athiest, because I'm not sure. I used to believe in God growing up -- went to Sunday school and all that. But I have gotten cynical in the religion department as the years have gone by. A lot of bad things have happened to me and my family, and I felt that I never had my prayers answered. I guess I am questioning my faith right now. That being said, I am very sorry for the loss of your son. I cannot comprehend that pain and I hope I never have to. I do not feel there is anything wrong with a person choosing to not visit a loved-ones grave. Logically, it is just a place where a body is buried. However, for many people, visiting the grave and talking to the person they have lost, brings them great comfort, and if that helps then that's great. You don't say why you lost your faith, so it's difficult to ascertain exactly what you are feeling with this. You have been having a strong urge to visit him. Is it a significant time of year for you -- such as his birthday or his death anniversary? If not, perhaps something happened to you, even something very small or you don't even realize what it is, has caused this urge. Or maybe it just is what it is. For no tangible reason, you just miss him and feel the need to be near him. Don't read too much into it or you'll drive yourself insane. But if it is truly bothering you to the point that it is all-consuming, you may want to talk to some family members and see if together you can figure this out. Maybe there is something unresoved with your relationship that you are now only able to see through the grief. Can you talk with some of his friends? Maybe that will help you feel connected to him. You also may want to write your son a letter and just let the words flow freely. You are in pain, and I don't know if that will ever completely go away. But I do hope you will be able to resolve this inner conflict. Faith or no faith, you don't HAVE to communicate with him. There is no right or wrong thing to do here. I wish you luck.
2007-12-01 13:54:52 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Even Elephants do this (at least so I hear from science magazines), no creature can bear the loss and the mystery of non existence. However as time goes by,the rest of your life grows to fill the gap and the experience helps you to understand.
As an agnostic, I believe that the illusion of the human ego is the most fragile thing possible, and yet it seems to be all there is. Nothing is more real than you and your loved ones. When the reality of death breaks the illusion it becomes intolerable. However one switches from fearing life to valuing it more and life goes on. I believe that the components for our existence existed before us, as genetic information and cultural influences, as we matured our self image grew and became strong, it became reflected in the minds of everyone we met. Thus your loved ones live on in the minds of everyone they met, within your mind and through the influences they had on the world. Every moment others are sharing the same genes, the same emotions and the same experience that they did. Life goes on, but the focus has shifted to others and in time this is what you will also do.
Grieve without guilt, believe, pray or not as you will. If the process is too burdensome seek help, that's what others are for. It will take energy to maintain this process, in time it will fade, if it does not then you will be expending energy sustaining it and I would advise the help of a trained counsellor in explore why you are doing this and what you can do to ease your grief.
Best Wishes...All things must pass...
2007-12-01 13:55:54 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
I'm an atheist and I like to visit the gravesites of my loved ones. I don't believe they are there nor do I talk to them or pray but I do feel a closeness if that makes any sense. I like to put flowers by the stone. I go with my sister and she says her prayers.
2007-12-01 18:36:08 · answer #4 · answered by JOANIE E 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Oh, my.... you lost your son...? How long ago..?
My heart is completely breaking for you... :(
I do not think religion has anything to do with missing a loved one - ESPECIALLY when a parent loses a child.
As the mother of 2 little ones, I cannot think of any pain that is deeper than a parent losing a child. :(
My heart aches for you -- GO to his gravesite.... even if it will bring you only some small amount of comfort "being near him". I think the reason why you are getting the urge to visit again now, may be because you still miss him [you always will] and you want to have one small connection to him again, even if it means visiting his gravesite.
My heart goes out to you ....
:(
2007-12-01 13:46:30 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 4⤊ 0⤋
Whenever I drive by the hospice or the memorial site where my dad's ashes are interred, I feel a moment of silence come over me quite naturally. Even though I'm an atheist, that doesn't mean I can't have strong emotional responses, especially to places that I associate with loved ones.
My aunt made a garden for my cousin who died. He was about the same age as me, and when I visited their home I was really quite pleased that my cousin could be remembered so lovingly. A place is quite a natural to have such associations.
2007-12-01 13:52:37 · answer #6 · answered by kwxilvr 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Visiting the grave of a loved one is an emotional and psychological ritual more than a religious one. You can pray anywhere; and if you think you can communicate with the dead, would you expect the grave site to be where he/she is? I hope not!
But the body was once an important part of the loved one, and the grave site is a natural place to come to terms with your grief.
If you do believe in God, this evocative place, where your feelings come out, is a natural place to pray.
If you want to visit the grave, by all means do so.
2007-12-01 13:49:05 · answer #7 · answered by The First Dragon 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You miss him. The loss of a loved one is more than we can bear sometimes. If you feel you should go..please do. You don't have to pray, or communicate, but perhaps you can find out the reason you need to go there again. I am a Christian so I believe I will see my loved ones again. I can feel them still touching my life. Even if you no longer believe in God..you must believe that your sons love lives on in you. My prayers are with you.
2007-12-01 13:40:22 · answer #8 · answered by PROBLEM 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I'm just guessing, but I would assume you want to remember your son and that is a place you associate closely with his memory, after all you said you spent quite a bit of time there when you believed. Going to a place you feel connected to good memories of your son is not a bad thing. Go there and just see what happens. You may just feel the need to talk to his memory, maybe resolve some issues you had, who knows. No harm even if you feel nothing. It it makes you feel better, do it. All the best.
2007-12-01 13:40:03 · answer #9 · answered by russj 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Just go pay your respects. And maybe take some flowers to decorate. Even if you don't pray or anything, just going to the gravesite can bring comfort and help in the mourning process (if you're still there).
2007-12-01 13:37:17 · answer #10 · answered by jill45690 4 · 4⤊ 0⤋
Well, it's christmas time - the urge to connect and be near is strong. Frankly, that's why we do graves, right? So that we can be near a vestige of our loved one. Otherwise we would save the land for other uses and burn bodies, like so many other traditions have done.
I have never felt comfort, however, in going to a grave site. I know the person isn't in there any more (i don't know where they are, but they are not there) - standing there doesn't make me closer. What makes me feel closer is photos or perfume or telling happy stories about them.
Having said that, I am a believer in following my urges. If you feel a strong desire to go there, why not? See what happens. You will be glad you took the time to make the gesture, even if only to yourself.
Peace!
2007-12-01 13:39:43 · answer #11 · answered by carole 7 · 4⤊ 1⤋