She has been caught 3 times over past few years drinking, smoking & taking pills. After the last time & grounded for a long time, she tells us she's over doing that & doesn't want to anymore. But, everytime she leaves the house, I worry the whole time & constantly think she's doing something bad. She's angry w/me saying I don't trust her anymore - but it's sooo hard to from what all we went thru. I want to believe her & she's really not showing any signs of being high on something. She just has some new friends - kinda gothic looking & I don't realy know them either. I am really struggling here. Any suggestions?
2007-12-01 12:48:24 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Oh wow,
I have a teenager who started out as your daughter. Claiming he is not doing this or that bla bla bla
My teenager is currently serving time in jail. He has been there for 2 years and is there till he is 18.
He got himself into a mess of trouble. Thinking back I should have done more with this kid, more counseling, grounding, something!!
But he kept telling me he was not doing this or that and I believed him.....it is hard not to believe our children. But also be careful! Kids have power these days, and they fully well know it! In the middle of all this he claimed I beat him, he told me that he was going to get me back for not letting him do whatever he wanted to do!! He told me on the phone from jail if he is going to be sitting in there I am going to be too. He apologized from jail after he put us through more crap, but dang how does one trust there kid again?
Nip it in the butt, I know it is not easy and your kid is begging and saying anything you want to hear, but to one parent to another go to family counseling, put her in peer to peer counseling, keep her outings monitored with at least the phone. Do not make mistakes as I have.
I sure wish you well!
2007-12-01 13:21:40 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You simply cannot trust her, not until she shows some serious signs that tell you she's on the right path again. But if you can't tell, or your unsure, you can't trust her.
But the one thing that will cause problems and maybe even drive her to do drugs/alcohol is if you confront her about it. Take it from a teenager who has a brother who's addicted to dope. It makes them angry when you accuse/hint at being high/drunk/on cigarettes. And if you try to be sneaky and go through her room or something, and she finds out, then the tables are turned and she'll feel invaded and not trust YOU. So don't confront her about it, don't sneak around.
Use your mothers intuition to decide. I don't know your daughter - I'm taking what I know from experiences with my brother. Just act like it's okay until you KNOW it's okay.
2007-12-01 13:06:29 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well I consider myself to be part of the Gothic lifestyle and I think that there are a lot of good role models within the community. All the preppy people in my school are really into drugs and crap but me and my friends have more important things to do with our time.
I went down that trail though and my parents only really trust me because they tried to trap me doing something bad and came to the graveyard me and my friends hang around and found us reading poetry. My friends and I don't let each other drink or do drugs, and one of my friends was the one who told my parents I was doing it in the first place.
2007-12-01 13:01:40 · answer #3 · answered by GothBabeAlexandra 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I know where your daughter is coming from, and the long grounding that you gave her may have been a sign to let her know your serious. She may be being more careful about drinking and smoking, like not coming home high or drunk. But until you catch her again, I wouldn't worry and let her be a teenager.
2007-12-01 13:47:32 · answer #4 · answered by kw22 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just tell her the same thing you say here and that if you meet her friends and get to know them you would feel better about what she is doing or the lack there of.
2007-12-01 12:54:33 · answer #5 · answered by ronnny 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Give her a break, a small one, tell her each day you love her and each day is will be easier to trust her, but you do worry about her health and safety, and that is the only reason you are on her case.
2007-12-01 13:18:07 · answer #6 · answered by MrsMagee 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
INVITE HER FRIENDS OVER AND TALK TO THEM IT WILL GIVE YOU HEADS UP ON THEM... LET THEM SLEEP OVER OR SOMETHING GET A GIRLS DAYS OUT (YOU AND YOUR DAUGHTER) BUT LET HER HAVE HER FREEDOM TOO! its hard to gain a persons' trust back so tell her if you want your trust back that she needs to earn it.... look dont be so hard on her but not too soft.. se might just want things to go back to normal... check up on her but NOt too much! get to knoe each other (u and daughter) find out her favorite hang out.. (dont embarraris her in front of her friends couase to tell you the truth moms do that some times with out heven noticing..no offense) find out her favorite restuarant.... ect..... these will give you all the clues that you need on knowing who where and what she usually does.. but check up........ you never knoe... ppl can hide their true selfs.... good luck and "trust is the key... no trust no relationship! " ...... remember she is ur daughter and mom knoes best!
2007-12-01 13:36:15 · answer #7 · answered by Emerald_Gomez 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
talk to her let her know how u feel and that ur trying ur hardest to trust her!!! but she needs to understand that its hard for u 'cuz u don't want her to get hurt!! ( try taking her to the doctors and see if shes telling the truth but don't tell her ur going cuz dat reason !! k and if she not lying let loose a little k!! good luck!!
2007-12-01 13:11:44 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
show her that you want to trust her. talk to her. shes going through a phase and her thinking you dont trust her makes her want to rebel even more. try to get to know her friends. show her that you care about her.
2007-12-01 13:24:56 · answer #9 · answered by Beautiful Disaster 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋