What shall i do about my friend.?

Question

I am her carer and she is 42, disabled, most of her teeth are rotten, she has drunk almost all her life, she smokes all the time and she wont stop. She thinks she is fine but im really worried about her.

Answer 1

Those are all worrisome conditions, true. However, it doesn't sound as if she wants help or to stop any of those things. There's not much you can do if she doesn't want to help herself, as frustrating as that is. Have you told her you're concerned?

Answer 2

You are not the one to make her stop drinking and smoking; she has to want to do that. Being her carer, you surely can prevent her from having that stuff around. Smoking should be the last thing she quits because taking everything out of her hands will only hurt her. Again, as her carer, you surely have some control over her environment. If she is disabled how is she able to purchase alcohol and cigarettes? Who is enabling her?
As to getting her involved with AA and those help programs, unless she wants help she won't go or will ignore everything said. Remember, addicts are users and will be dependent on you for everything except their dependence on the drugs,etc. She will find a way to get them, but don't be the source.
Again, as her carer, you should have funding, and with that funding get her in better health. Get her to a dentist; who ever is paying your salary will be responsible for the dental bill. If she is so bad off, she probably has Medical, or some government help of some sort to fix her teeth.
Do your research and be caring and loving, but not enabling.

Answer 3

Being 42 myself,I like my life for the most part, even with it's faults. I also enjoy my much tamer habits and they are apart of self, me. Iam set in my ways, and I can be defensive over it especially when it comes to my music. I like being 42 and I worked hard to get where Iam. I work in the mental health field dealing with behavior modification. When Iam at home in my castle, The last thing I want to deal with is change.Your friend sounds about like any 40's person, only under the influence of two chemicals that react very different on the central nervous system, no wonder she doesn't listen.She won't stop because of the horrible feelings that begin inside her body after going only an hour to long without her drugs of choice.That and the drugs do the talking.Should you be worried, you bet especially when you are the care giver and the long term effects of smoking and drinking start to crop up.I strongly prompt you to find another client to care for.Wher I work I deal With two clients who are very very self abusive as such is smoking and drinking and I really hate dealing with them when they are beatting thier head into the wall and other self injurious behaviors as such is smoking and drug use. In the end these people are no fun to deal with as they may be COPD for years before the alcohol eats away thier liver. Sorry to be all doom and gloom with my words, but frankly, you should be more worried about yourself....I have an entire team of people to support me in my work. Who is there for you?Take away the chemicals' call last call and end the party for her and then ask her how fine she is, and don't expect anything shy of bitter, resenful and angry and miserable.

Answer 4

You can't help someone who refuses to help themselves. Either accept her as she is with her faults and all. Or walk away and break all contact. I can understand her being disable. But the drinking and smoking she can choose not to do. That you are worried shows you care. But don't mess up your life trying to fix hers. If she wants to get better. All she has to do is seek help. If she drinks there is AA. The teeth she can go to the dentist. Get them cleaned and fix the ones that are fixable or have them removed if in to bad a shape. Once healed she can use dentures. The smoking she can have a doctor put her in some stop smoking medicine. The people that make an effort to stop can. But I don't think she will change. You say she thinks herself fine. Therefore she won't be willing to try.

Answer 5

only her can make those decisions, no matter how hard you try, if she doesn't want to change, you can't do much I'm afraid! My father has a heart disease, and the doctor as well as the family did everything to make him stop, but despite all of our effort, it didn't work, until recently he took the decision to stop. you could perhaps ask the doctor, if they could do something, now this days, the NHS do a lots of anti smoke stuff.
good luck

Answer 6

what is your question? how do you get her to stop smoking? well, if she has the other problems you mentioned, smoking is the least of her concerns. be a good friend, support her through her illnesses, and help her when she asks for it. other than that, she is a grown woman and can do as she pleases. your her care giver, not her mother.

Answer 7

she is masking her problems, maybe it's the only way she knows how to deal with things. She can get help when she is ready. I'm afraid all you can do is be a support. It's tough but just be supportive.

All the best.

Answer 8

Unless she is ready to admit that there is a problem, there isn't much you can do.

If you are her caregiver, you need to make sure that you are not an enabler as well - don't buy the cigarettes or liquor/beer/ale for her.

Tell her your thoughts and your worries. You might talk to her physician and/or her clergyman (if she has one). Other than that, there isn't much you can do.

Answer 9

The best you can.
If she won't help herself just be her friend,be there for her and try to make life as pleasant as possible while you are around her.I'm guessing you do all this already,so just carry on being her friend.Good Luck.

Answer 10

You honestly can't do anything for someone who don't want it or think they need it. As a friend you can talk to her and if it gets to much more to handle for you, you may have to cut ties with her to get her to see she has a problem.